Like one only childthe occasional weekend slumber party was the longest I’d had to share a bedroom or bathroom—or anything, really—until I was a freshman in college.
So last year, when my 62-year-old mother suggested putting her house up for sale and buying a house together, I was incredulous: I had no idea how that arrangement would work for us. Even though we had almost twenty years of living together experience growing up, it was hard to imagine us as natural roommates.
Needless to say, our decision to move in together was not without its challenges, but it was the smartest choice we made for both of our futures.
Living together keeps it affordable for both of us
I never thought I would own a house at the age of 28. Kate Donati
Pooling our resources to purchase this house and splitting the bills has proven to be a very wise financial decision for both of us. As a 28-year-old, I harbored no fantasy that I would be able to afford even a small apartment or townhouse within the next decade.
Now that I share a 1,500-square-foot home with my mother, I pay less monthly rent on our mortgage than I did in my previous 900-square-foot apartment.
My mother also has to pay much less, which gives us an even greater opportunity to adapt the house to our needs. She has already added her work studio, and so have I designing a garden.
Even though things have been easier financially, the daily dynamics of living together are still a challenge at times.
My mother, for example, believes there is exactly one space in the house suitable for enjoying a meal. I think the dried pasta shell I recently dug out from between the cushions of my beloved couch sufficiently illustrates my argument to the contrary.
Moreover, my mother still finds beauty in the austerity of a bare wall, where I see a blank canvas ripe for design.
When we argue, it’s relatively minor, and usually about how best to handle the constant afternoon war games between her dog, our old family Shih Tzu named Aggi, and my cat, Gravel.
Luckily, to my mother’s credit, she knows she doesn’t live with the teenage version of me anymore, so thankfully she doesn’t try to impose a curfew or make sure I keep my room clean.
The same goes for mine dating life. My partner and I started seeing each other around the time my mom and I decided to move in together, and while it takes some negotiation, boundary setting, and patience, it’s been great overall.
Furthermore, it has helped bring my partner and me closer together and allowed us to develop a shared understanding of each other’s priorities, intentions and future commitments.
It was a practical conversation that gave us peace of mind
I think it’s great that my mother and I are going to live together when I have children of my own. Kate Donati
Don’t get me wrong, living independently for the past ten years has been a joy, if only for the sheer satisfaction of knowing that mine were the only grubby fingers rummaging around in the bag of grated Mexican cheese.
However, I am looking forward to having children someday, and as someone who spent a lot of time with her grandmother growing up, I would like my children to have the same experience.
The daily interactions I had with my grandparents inspired my lifelong love of knitting, watching “The Golden Girls,” gardening and gossiping, which remain among my favorite hobbies.
Lives with my mother will provide my future children with that kind of valuable exposure, not to mention the immense relief of having a live-in parental pressure valve.
My mother also thought about her future when we made this decision. At age 62, the countdown to her retirement grows louder every year lifelong nomadshe looks forward to resuming her world travels on a more full-time basis – with our house serving as her well-maintained, low-cost home base.
Additionally, as my mother’s only child, she and I have had several candid conversations about expectations and responsibilities as she grows older.
Living together offers us both more peace of mind and hopefully prevents us from being unpleasantly surprised when the day comes when she can no longer live independently.
Overall, I have been pleasantly surprised by how well my mother and I have been able to coexist under one roof and find middle ground by reminding ourselves of the reasons we bought the house.
And if that doesn’t work, we have plenty of escape options: an airy veranda, our own separate work spaces and, most importantly, bedrooms on different floors.
