In 2023, I stepped back from a demanding career of more than 20 years in… American business.
At the time, I didn’t think of it as a gap year; that was before college kids or people who go on retreat to an exotic place. A friend from the UK told me that a gap year was exactly what we, two mothers in our forties, had done: taking the time to explore, get to know ourselves and find out what’s next, without pay or benefits.
I started my gap year stressed, lost and tired
I spent my twenties and thirties trying to have it all: the family, the career, the success.
I’m trying having it all is exhausting. For as long as I could remember, life felt like sprinting a marathon. I had no idea how tired I was until I stopped working.
The first few weeks that I was free, I made a lot of to-do lists. Thanks to the author
My first reaction to taking time off was how to spend it. What new activities would I try? What new places would I visit? I made a list of 100 things to do and referred to it in my planner every day.
After a month, I took a break for a few weeks to give my body and brain a chance to recover. I stopped starting each day with a to-do list that was longer than I could accomplish—a remnant of the business I desperately needed to let go.
This made me more open to curiosity and room for new opportunities. Strangers inside coffee shops became friends. I had the ability to say yes to a tap dancing class. I traveled alone to a book retreat and Disneyland.
I had to let go of being so financially independent
Growing up, I was surrounded by independent women. My mother and both of my grandmothers worked, and I felt the societal pressure to always be able to provide for myself.
With my last work bonus, I visited Disneyland for the first time during my gap year. Thanks to the author
My gap year was the first time in my adult life that I was financially dependent on someone else. Looking back, it seems foolish to worry about relying on my husband, but for the first time in almost twenty years of marriage, I was without a steady paycheck.
We examined our finances and realized we had a lot of fat that we could lose and still live comfortably. We were shocked at the amount we spent on subscriptions we didn’t use, food delivery and eating out. I was emotionally spending a lot of money, especially on clothes, because I was stressed and unhappy at work.
I set a goal for myself to try at least one new thing a week
Inspired by one career change course that I took early in my gap year, I set myself the goal of doing something new every week.
I traveled – visited Disneyland for the first time and went on a book retreat with authors, aspiring writers and book lovers. My mom and I took a cruise to Alaska, a bucket list trip for both of us.
Tap dancing was new, put me on stage and was a great place to make friends. Thanks to the author
I made time for spontaneity and the unexpected. As if I was standing in our driveway with my children and saw the Northern Lights for the first time.
I worked on saying yes to new experiences—a floating sound bath, trying a cold plunge, doing a tap dance, dancing on stage for the first time since I was four. Free classes at the library, searching for events online and asking people for ideas led to trying forest bathing, roller skating and a sing-along bus tour during the holidays.
I had the time to build and maintain friendships. Making friends as an adult, and not through work, is difficult. Going out into the world and doing new things meant meeting new people.
I volunteered with a new friend to harvest corn for a food bank, built relationships with fellow theater parents, and connected with people at the dog park.
The best part was exploring new places and spaces with my kids: escape rooms, coffee shops and national parks. My children say they have seen a change in me. I was more relaxed, open and present – physically, mentally and emotionally.
My priorities shifted, and it helped me prepare for the big changes in my life that were to come
I used to be a working mom who was determined to have it all and told myself I had work-life balance.
If I’m honest, I combine life with work. My job often demanded that it come first: endless to-do lists, urgent emails, travel, and always on the hunt for the next promotion. I didn’t have the time or the emotional or mental capacity to be present in all the things I was doing. By distancing myself, I realized my priorities had shifted.
As a travel writer, I regularly have new experiences with my kids, like competing in a game show battle room. Thanks to the author
I made a career change to become a travel writer. Now I have autonomy and a job that allows me to experience new things on a regular basis. Work may be lower on the priority list, with self-care, family and friends coming first.
In the past six months, my husband retired, my youngest went to college, and I started a new job as substitute teacher. It’s been a lot, but the curiosity, friendships, and openness to trying new things that I found in my gap year have been invaluable in navigating all these major life changes.
