I must have done that inherited my mother’s magic touch to put children to sleep. It drives my kids crazy.
When I recently visited my son and daughter-in-law, she confided this bedtime had become a nightmare. I offered to give her a break by putting my grandson to bed. I was prepared for a fight since we got to their house, and he knew his mother was in the next room.
After his bath we took him to his room to put on his pajamas and… sleeping bag. It was already dark and booming with white noise. After she left the room I gave him a hug and kiss while gently telling him I loved him and now it was dodo time. I put it down, and that was that. He squirmed a bit, but I rubbed his back for a few minutes until he calmed down. Then I sat on the bed across from his crib and read on my phone until he fell asleep. Don’t fuss, don’t cry, don’t get up.
This is not the first incident. Many times my irritable children have left their naps to me when they visit. Everyone understands that grandmaman the children to sleep.
I try not to react smugly to their parents’ surprise when I walk out of the sleeping child’s room five minutes later.
Rest is contagious
Rocking a baby Sleeping remains one of my favorite and calming things in the world. As a young mother, I especially looked forward to those breaks, which justified taking all the time I needed to put my child to sleep and get some much-needed rest myself.
For babies, my strategies involve following their parents’ lead. I stay informed of their current routine and adhere to their order of things. Bath time, quiet time, dark roomsA pacifier, a bottle, a soft blanket or a special cuddly toy are not an unnecessary luxury.
After going through their usual preparations, I sit in the rocking chair in the bedroom and hold them just tight enough to help them settle down, without restricting movement so much that it provokes a struggle. I create sensory rhythmic patterns with my breathing, humming, tapping or rubbing circles on their backs. Usually that works. If not, small adjustments such as standing and waving, or switching from rubbing to tapping and vice versa, are often sufficient. If I have found a successful method for one child, I will stick to it the next time.
I am gentle but determined and use all my tricks
If they do become involved, it is important not to escalate things to the point where the process is prolonged. Sometimes it is necessary to take a break and try again. I ask myself: is he overtired? Not tired enough? When was his last sleep and how long? Is he feeling well? Has an abnormal disruption occurred that has thrown him out of his routine? I let those answers guide my next steps. If the child is upset or not feeling well, I take him to another room to help him reset, dimming the lights and turning off anything noisy.
For older children, negotiation is often necessary. I remind them why quiet time is important: we have more fun later when we aren’t cranky. I offer to read a story or play a children’s meditation or story from my phone. I lay next to them in a dark, quiet room and deliberately took loud, deep, rhythmic breaths to encourage them to imitate me. The young usually fall asleep, but the older ones who have outgrown naps at least rest, which is always helpful.
Different strokes for different little people
It is important to remember that every child is different. Some like to be rocked, some like to be laid on their back, and others like to stand and sway. I adapt to what works for them and stick to it. Consistency is key.
I usually wait until they have calmed down, and then let them go to bed with what feels familiar and comforting. Sometimes it’s rocking and humming; sometimes it’s just staying close and reassuring them until they settle. If they resist, I keep it gentle and remind him that it’s bedtime and that Grandma loves them.
