Saturday mid morning and my phone was on fire! In just a few minutes, I received over 30 WhatsApp messages, several of which were from various local group chats.
Reports that the lost prince and his bride would be settling somewhere here in the Cotswolds began to filter through.
“I hope they don’t make life on the street difficult with their security staff,” snorted an employee.
“They better not make it difficult to get out of school, I have to go to work,” agreed another.
‘Has she even heard of Daylesford? We’ve got the real deal here: date-ready organic jam,” joked yet another.
My head was spinning. Because what did this mean me? Given my sharp views on the Sussexes – which I shared in this column – could I be about to become NFI for social gatherings?
If people rushed to pack a Duke and Duchess for their kitchen meal, would I now be persona non grata? Would I ever have to apply the heated rollers, put on my happy rags and paint my face?
Maybe it was time to get a cat and prepare myself for weekends in front of the fire, alone with my memories of what it used to be like, all the clinking glasses, canapes and hot gossip.
Nadine Dorries, who lives in the Cotswolds, says local group chats were buzzing after news broke that Harry and Meghan may be moving to the area
My daughters didn’t help.
“Mum you will so regret the day you ever wrote about Harry and Meghan,” one texted.
Another wrote: ‘I wouldn’t buy new Christmas party dresses if I were you mum. They don’t want to leave the wardrobe.’ Both messages were followed by a series of laughing emojis.
“My life is ruined,” I wailed.
Are the Sussexes coming? Nothing is certain, but nothing is secret in these small villages where the ancient Cotswolds live.
We know who lives in which big house and what is on the market (or secretly not). We know the schools that would pass a little prince and princess. Yes, it’s all speculation, but I think we know.
Will they fit if and when they arrive? Coincidentally, I attended a smart drinks party on Saturday evening and it is fair to say that the loyalty lies firmly with the courts of the King and Queen, and William and Kate.
No one has forgotten the things Harry wrote about Camilla in his memoir, Spare. He described her as ‘evil’ and ‘dangerous’. The Queen has a strong following here and I am firmly in her corner, as are many others. We want the Sussexes to seek forgiveness, which requires repentance, before we welcome them into the fold.
Of course, we’re pretty used to A-list celebrities around here. We’ve got Jeremy Clarkson and his partner Lisa Hogan, David and Victoria Beckham, and – after rumors and counter-rumours – Beyonce and Jay Z have reportedly moved in and have been spotted at the local garden centre. There’s Simon Cowell, Damien Hirst, Liam Gallagher…etc
We also know how to behave towards royals. Occasionally I find myself at the same local social gatherings as Queen Camilla or some of the younger royals. If it’s the queen, I always make it a point to remove myself from the group so she feels free to chat. I’m a columnist for Britain’s best-selling newspaper, but I would never repeat a single word I heard her say. I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.
We look at each other from the distance I’ve created between us, and she nods her head almost imperceptibly as she thanks her.
One resident texted: ‘Has she heard of Daylesford? [Farm Shop] (photo)? We’ve got the real deal: organic jam on the date, making fun of Meghan’s lifestyle brand As Ever
Nadine sometimes finds herself at the same social gatherings as Queen Camilla: ‘She has a strong following here and I am firmly in her corner, as are many others’
I once had the honor of spending time alone with the nuclear royal family, and I was struck by how normal they are in their interactions – full of banter. They are also extremely affectionate towards each other. I am not exaggerating when I say that love leapt from the King’s eyes when he and Prince William broke up, just like any father and son.
That’s why Harry’s cruel and bizarre behavior was such a disgusting abomination to me. How could he do what he did to his loving family and how could he hurt our late queen so much, even when her husband – his grandfather – was dying, with his vile accusations? It is the question that everyone around me wants the answer to.
If Harry or Meghan are reading this, you should know that here in the Cotswolds we are not blinded by stardust at all, not even the royal variety. When you live with us, you get privacy and respect. We want you and your children to be happy. But airs and grace and a sense of entitlement will not go down well. Half the people who live here consider your bank balance as pocket change.
Oh, and I’ll probably see you soon in Chipping Norton Aldi, where you might find me in the aisle with David Cameron. Welcome both.
