My twelve-month-old says her fifth word, “Nanie,” when Jane enters our kitchen. Jane – known to my kids as Nanie – just got back from putting my two-year-old son down for his nap.
Knowing he is fast asleep, I exhaled. My husband and I haven’t been able to get him to go to bed for his afternoon nap for months: Jane is the only one who can do that.
For over a year we’ve been paying her $20 an hour to be my “mother’s helper,” an extra pair of hands to help with chores around the house and childcare. Oh, and she’s also my cousin.
When we had a gap in our child care, my cousin seemed like an obvious solution
My cousin helped us with our two children. Thanks to Lauren Khan
When my second baby was born last July, my 23-year-old niece Jane started coming over more and more to spend time with us.
Some of my fondest memories of our time in the newborn bubble are of Jane and I hanging out on the couch and watching “The summer I became beautiful” or just chat.
When my husband’s paternity leave ended, we quickly realized that we needed an extra pair of hands to help care for both children in the long term.
Jane or “Nanie” has been a lifesaver in our household. Thanks to Lauren Khan
My husband works full time as a lawyer, and I am one literary agentauthor and podcast host. Although my job is flexible, there are plenty of times when I need help with the kids so I can answer a phone call, edit a manuscript, or interview a guest.
My cousin, who already spent a lot of time with us, was the obvious first person to ask. She said yes.
My children love going for walks with Nanie. Thanks to Lauren Khan
Under our arrangement, we pay Jane $20 an hour to watch the children and serve as an extra pair of hands when needed.
When I’m not working, we often divide the tasks. While I wake the baby from her nap to nurse, Jane cooks my two-year-old the lunch hits that only she can make the “right” way: macaroni and cheese, quesadillas and fruit salad.
I love hearing them talk about their mornings from the other room in the kitchen. During his nap, she takes him through a lengthy routine that is impossible to imitate but always leads to at least a two-hour nap.
The little moments with my cousin and young children have become the most precious parts of my day Thanks to Lauren Khan
The arrangement with my cousin was very complete. With an eleven year age difference between us, I vividly remember holding Jane and when I helped she was a baby.
This age difference was also an unexpected blessing. Her energy and fort-building skills are second to none, as is her knowledge of all the fun TikTok tricks getting fussy toddlers to eat and sleep.
This arrangement has been incredible, and I worry about when it will end
The only real downside to our arrangement is that no one will ever be able to replace Jane. Thanks to Lauren Khan
Childcare is a universal problem among my friends, and knowing that I always have our “Nanny Nanie” to help us three or four days a week for two- to four-hour chunks has made a huge difference in our lives.
In fact, about every month my husband and I hire her for a date night so we can go out for dinner or sightseeing “The Odyssey” in theaters.
The most unexpected benefit of our arrangement, however, is how close we have come. Jane has always been part of our family, but we have spent more time together this past year than ever before.
She sees my children more than most other family members, a fact we all consider an irreplaceable gift.
We did that together celebrated milestones and birthdays and all those little, often hilarious moments in between that only two under two and a puppy under one roof could create.
Jane is a hardworking student multiple jobsso the only downside to our arrangement is that we only get her for a few hours, a few days a week.
I have come to rely on her so much that I know that when she soon enters the next phase of her career, no one will ever be able to replace her.
