You may be networking all wrong, and that could be costly.
In an era of AI-generated applications and a sluggish job market for many desk workers, making connections can be the key to standing out and landing a role.
While building solid professional relationships can help, it’s not always easy to know how to get started. Career coaches and etiquette professionals shared the do’s and don’ts for building professional relationships:
Write something personal
When networking, people too often post general messages on LinkedIn that do not break through.
“You can’t go into it cold,” says Jasmine Escalera, a career expert at MyPerfectResume, referring to networking. “That doesn’t mean you can’t go in by making a cold connection, but you can’t just go in without a connection.”
That connection doesn’t have to be exclusively professional, she said. For example, you could find a common hobby. When it comes to online reach, avoid boilerplate texts and write something personal instead.
Madeline Manna career coach and CEO of Self Made Millennial, offered similar advice.
“If you’re going to ask for 15 minutes of their time, make sure you show that you gave 15 minutes of your time,” she said.
In general, social media alone is not enough.
Brandon Dock, director of recruitment agency TGC Search, said face-to-face conversations remain the most effective approach.
Dorie Clark, a communications coach and author of the book “The Long Game,” agrees: “I’ve always been a fan of using social media and other online tools as part of your arsenal, but viewing it as the entirety of your networking strategy is a serious mistake.”
Keep it professional
However you do it, it is important to maintain professionalism. At personal events this often means: keep drinking to a minimumEscalera said.
On social media platforms you use for outreach, she said you should maintain a “professional tone” and a “clean brand.”
Gen Zers can sometimes struggle to find the balance between professionalism and friendliness, say Escalera and Lisa Richey, the founder of the American Academy of Etiquette.
“The formality of a handshake: You can never go wrong,” Richey said. “It shows leadership. It shows confidence.”
Dress appropriately for the industry
For personal meetings dressing the part is essential, although fields may differ on what is appropriate.
“Dress like someone would in that office or in the industry, with a step up,” Mann said. She said that no matter your gender, a button-down top is a safe bet. Escalera advised keeping your outfit simple with one striking accessory.
It is important to tailor your clothing to the industry. For example, Mann said a lawsuit might look strange at a tech event, but it’s common among lawyers.
The same rules apply online, Richey said.
When you’re on video, “you have to be aware of what’s going on behind you, your hair,” she said. “You have to be groomed. You have to dress the part, even if it’s an online meeting.”
Don’t wait until you need something
People often don’t start networking until they’ve done that need a jobalthough that could be a mistake.
“Anytime there’s an economic downturn and people start to worry about their jobs, that’s inevitably when networking accelerates,” Clark said.
To avoid being just one of many asking for a favor, maintain relationships even if you feel secure in your job. Texting with closer ties can go a long way, Clark said. She advised to contact us when you are there not looking for anything in return.
Maintaining relationships doesn’t follow a template. Mann said connections can come from the most unlikely places, so it’s important to talk about your interests regularly.
“Never underestimate who knows the person you want to know,” she said.
Make sure it’s not just about you
Workplace observers said too many people emphasize only their own experiences.
“Don’t focus on knowing people. Focus on noticing people,” Mann said. Both she and Escalera recommend asking specific questions for people you find exciting.
“Having a good elevator pitch is really great, but what we don’t want is for it to be all about you,” Escalera said, which can make the process feel “robotic.”
Take it easy with what you ask for
Networking is often transactional by nature, although that transaction can be a delicate dance, the experts say.
“You have to be aware of power relations and power differentials in networks,” Clark said, noting that you can ask a friend for more favors than you can ask a distant connection.
“You have to be very purposeful and strategic with your ask, and you can probably only get away with one thing,” she added.
Mann thinks about it as turn the switch from asking to giving. Instead of just trying to extract information, consider ways to provide value in return. It could be something as simple as giving tips for an upcoming vacation.
Regardless of the interaction, it is important to show gratitude.
“Remember to contact them the next day or within a few hours and thank them,” Mann said. “And in the coming weeks, don’t forget to indicate how you use their insights.”
Do you have a story to tell about your career? Contact this reporter at tparadis@businessinsider.com.
An earlier version of this story appeared on June 7, 2025.
