In 2018, I completed my last year of college.
It was far from the best chapter of my life, so I did everything I could graduate a semester early. I abandoned my plans to apply for a Fulbright grant and moved in with my parents temporarily.
Looking back now, I realize that my terrible college experience—and the decision to return home—was a blessing in disguise.
During that last semester, my family learned that my mother was very ill. We got the news in September and lost her seven months later. If I hadn’t returned this past semester, I might have had less time with my mother.
Around the time of her death, I tried to move into my own house, convinced that I needed to be a “real adult” and have my own space – but I ended up moving back in with my dad within a few months.
Bills were tight because I was working as a temp at a law firm while trying to find my first full-time job. And honestly, I didn’t want to be alone. Moving back in with my dad and the two family dogs, Hemi and Otis, was exactly what I needed.
The rest of 2019 was a dark year with more family funerals. When 2020 arrived, we thought it might be kinder to us, only for a global pandemic to shut everything down.
Once again I felt like I was home where I needed to be.
I continued to live with my father when I went to law school
I studied law while living in my parents’ home. Kimber Marie Faircloth
Not having to travel gave me more free time, and I decided to do that apply to law schools.
I promised myself that I would only go if I could get a scholarship, so I took the LSAT, applied to schools where my score was in the higher range, and got a scholarship to a law school 20 minutes from my father’s house.
I came up with a plan for the next few years: I would stay home to study law, save on rent, and become a lawyer.
Mine nursery bedroom is where I studied torts, contracts and business law. Here I spent twelve grueling weeks preparing for the bar exam. It’s also where I started my career working remotely as an intellectual property attorney.
My father didn’t charge me because I lived there. Most days I felt guilty about this, and I still do.
But most of all, I am grateful for his generosity and support. Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to set up an emergency fund, start investing for retirement, or pay off double my pension student debt for a while.
Living at home was without a doubt one of the best decisions I’ve made.
I recently moved and realized that living alone is overrated
Now that I live alone, I often go back to my father and dogs. Kimber Marie Faircloth
Last December I moved again after five years of living at home.
There were several reasons why it felt like the right time. For example, I wanted my own space. I also started daydreaming about living downtown, where I could get more involved in my local community and make some friends.
Plus, I had a steady job, so a move felt financially feasible.
Since I moved, my social life has become what I always wanted: I organize a monthly theme dinners and group walks with friends. Most evenings there are events for young people, organized by local parishes. I scour local newsletters looking for things to do that inevitably end up on shared calendars with my friends and my current boyfriend.
Still I miss living at home and not doing things alone. I realize that I could have created the life I wanted while still living at home with my father or living with a roommate.
I bought into the myth that at age 29 I would have to do everything on my own – and that everyone who isn’t self-sufficient is failing in some way.
I’m incredibly grateful to have my own place, but now that I’m on the other side of the fence, I realize that I didn’t have to be ‘alone’ to be successful.
I look forward to the day when I have a roommate or two. I long for scheduled hangouts with friends where we all go to each other’s houses and pretend we live together for a few hours. I’ve made it a goal to visit my dad (and Hemi and Otis) at least weekly because otherwise I feel disconnected and sad.
Living alone may be great for some people, but I wish I could tell my younger self that she would be no less than if she chose to live at home with family or friends.
I’ve learned that the people we love won’t always be with us someday, and that this is the only moment we can make the most of it. I don’t want to waste it.
