My grandmother got ovarian cancer in her 70s. The first sign came on New Year’s Eve, when Gram, who often said that overeating was one of her biggest flaws, thought she had just done that. She had eaten too much Chinese foodand that’s why she threw up. At least, that’s what my grandmother thought.
Then came the weight loss. She had struggled with her weight for most of her adult life, so it was concerning that the pounds suddenly came off. Until her cancer diagnosis, she had been a shining example of a healthy older woman.
Grandpa, on the other hand, had health problems from birth. That was him born with hydrocephalusor water on the brain. He faced health problems again and again. He had back problems from the military and heart problems from his late 40s. He retired on permanent disability after his third heart attack in his 50s. He had heart disease, testicular cancer that he beat, and throat cancer that stole his voice. It also caused him to go into cardiac arrest long enough than we thought he would have brain damage. He didn’t. Grandpa was never healthy, but always strong.
My grandfather was terrified of my grandmother’s diagnosis
They both were. Each in their own way. Both my grandparents were strong-willed and built on the toughest determination. They were hard workers who had been born of immigrants. They had all worked their way up in their respective fields and showed me the value of a steadfast work ethic. Grandpa went through almost everything. He was used to one form of illness or another for most of his life, but still continued to progress. Illness has never caused any weakness in his resolve.
The author says that both her grandparents were strong. Thanks to the author
As strong as my grandfather was, when he discovered that my grandmother was ill, he was shocked. He wanted, and had always intended, to be the one to go first. He was the sick one. She was the rock, at least when it came to physical health. Since he never planned to live without her, there were so many things he didn’t know how to do. The duties of managing the house fell to my grandmother. When she found out she had cancer, my grandfather was lost in so many ways.
Their marriage was not easy
Although their marriage had not always been easy, they had always loved each other. My grandmother, who had been married twice before, insisted that the third time was the charm. Cliche, but true. Gram and Gramps shared a mutual love of socializing, trips and excursions on the wooden boat we owned. My childhood weekends were filled with visits from their friends. They often flew to tropical countries, without my brother and me.
Illness brought them together in a different way. It was a deeper connection, perhaps because they knew taking them from each other would be the right thing to do. Or maybe because they shared a new experience. Anyway, they fought it together. Gram and Gramps learned to appreciate and love each other in a pure and infinite way.
Although I have seen illness tear people apart, for my grandparents it strengthened their marriage. They lived in the present and left behind the slights of the past. It was an incredible journey that I felt blessed to watch. I remember my aunt saying that the disease had changed and softened them. She was right. Although Gram and Grandpa’s bodies were weaker, the disease had made them better versions of themselves.
They died months apart, but at the same time, to the minute
When Gram went to a rehabilitation center for an extended period of time, Gramps’ health deteriorated. He was admitted to hospital in July and we were allowed to spend his last hours with him. He died on July 7. Gram, one of the strongest women I knew, showed grace and fierce tenacity when he died. She comforted us by sharing a letter she and Grandpa wrote together about their wishes after death. I still have that letter.
Gram died three months later. Remarkably, it was at the exact hour and minute that my grandfather did. Their unwavering commitment to each other as they battled diseases that would end their lives taught me what commitment really looks like.
The author says that illness brought her grandparents together, and they died months apart. Thanks to the author
It was remarkable to see them fall in love again and let go of all their past mistakes. Until they got sick, I hadn’t thought much about the wedding vow: “In sickness and in health.” Their renewed commitment during the most difficult times of their marriage and their lives made me finally understand.
The marriage lasted beyond the first phase of love and became something much greater: an undying commitment until the end.
