In a world of fear and self-doubt, with dating depending on profiles more than personality, it can be easy to lose confidence and fear the possibility of that going out into the ‘real world’ to find a partner.
As a single woman, going to a party, meeting extended friendship gangs or daring to accept a blind date can cause paralyzing anxiety. What if I embarrass myself? What if everyone else is more desirable than me? How can I be the one everyone wants for once?
While we don’t have a magical animal magnetic wand to wave, we can follow the advice of experts. With their help, we can decipher the subtle psychological triggers and body language signals that cultivate true charisma and help anyone get one step closer to being the most imaginative person in any room.
Emily Cleary speaks to experts to find out how to become the most imaginative person in the room.
Georgina Vass is a relationship and sex therapist. She says it’s often less about appearance than about reliably signaling traits like warmth, smartness and social value through your behavior and body language.
“When you walk into a room, instead of thinking, ‘How can I impress everyone?’ shift your mindset to thinking, “How can I show people that I see them, and add energy and authenticity to these interactions?” she says. ‘In short: impress less and listen more.’
She adds, “Most of your achievements or fun facts can often be easily researched through a ten-second Google search, but the way you make people feel can only be experienced personally.
“Using names, referencing previous topics of conversation, making jokes, increasing social generosity through introductions, avoiding approval-seeking, and showing comfort with pauses or disagreements are all examples of techniques that can increase your popularity.”
In addition to engagement, Vass says body language plays a crucial role in being imaginative and not trying too hard! She says: ‘Eye contact, smiling, good posture and an open gaze towards the person you are talking to are all important social tools that convey trust and approachability and help build connection with others.
Relationship and sex therapist Georgina Vass says falling in love often has less to do with appearance and more to do with personality and social value.
“Performative attempts to demonstrate compatibility, vulnerability, or authenticity to win over a person or a room are unlikely to lead to long-term satisfaction for anyone. The harder you try to get everyone to like you, the less glamorous you become.” Gillian McCallum, CEO of Drawing Down the Moon, has been matchmaking for more than a decade. She says: ‘When it comes to attraction, people often assume there is some secret, unattainable magic at play. In reality, though, it comes down to subtle psychology and a confident presence.
“If you want to leave a lasting impression, there are certain tricks you can use to master the art of charm.”
McCallum agrees that taking an interest in others is the first step in attracting positive attention.
She says: ‘The absolute basis of charm is showing genuine interest in the person in front of you. Ask interesting questions and really listen to the answers. Nothing is more seductive than making someone feel like he or she is the most intriguing person in the room. Curiosity creates intimacy much faster than trying to impress with a scripted monologue.
Gillian McCallum says showing interest in others is the first step toward attracting positive attention.
Sexologist Becky Crepsley-Fox reiterates that curiosity is key. She says, “Curiosity is sexy. People are attracted to those who make them feel worth paying attention to. And if eye contact feels good, use it. Holding someone’s gaze with a smile is one of the most engaging things you can do.”
Body language is also crucial.
“Trust is magnetic and starts before you even say a word,” says McCallum. “Walk into any room with your head held high, shoulders relaxed and a warm, genuine smile.
‘Above all, resist the urge to fidget – don’t adjust your clothes, adjust your hair or rummage through your bag. Fidgeting signals internal anxiety; silence exudes effortless confidence and grace.’
Stop fidgeting, body language is the key to becoming attractive and imaginative.
Mastering the art of giving compliments is something McCallum coaches her clients in. She says, “Try to master the counterintuitive compliment. The key to an unforgettable compliment is to offer the unexpected by seeing what others are missing. For example, if someone is conventionally beautiful, skip any comments about their appearance; he or she constantly hears about his appearance. Instead, compliment their intellect, sharp insight or humor. They will cherish being appreciated for what lies beneath the surface.
“Flip the script for those who are intelligent. They already know they are brilliant, so compliment their physical charm or style. This unexpected nod to their attractiveness is extremely flattering.
‘When confronted with a celebrity, someone very prominent in their field or a public figure, never bring up their work. The moment you start talking about their high-profile job, you relegate yourself to the status of fan instead of potential partner. Step away from their professional persona and start talking to the person underneath.
‘Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Attraction isn’t about changing who you are; it’s about making the other person feel seen, valued and fascinated in your presence.’
Mastering the art of giving a compliment is an important step in becoming imaginative.
Chantal Gaultier is a relationship therapist who believes it’s all about trust. She says: ‘The so-called law of attraction suggests that we are often attracted to people who share our values, interests or background. But beyond that initial spark, there are simple ways to radiate confidence, openness and curiosity, and become more imaginative in the process.
‘How you conduct yourself speaks volumes. Standing upright, rather than slouching, conveys confidence and openness, qualities that naturally invite connection. Meeting someone’s gaze indicates that you are open to interaction. And showing genuine interest can make you incredibly attractive. Be curious about who someone is, listen to their answers and show that you really want to get to know them.’
Five ways to become the most imaginative person in the room, according to our experts.
- Smile and make eye contact.
- Don’t fidget.
- Give a compliment they are not used to hearing.
- Listen. Be genuinely interested.
- Don’t try too hard!
