Vera
Death in paradise
The funny thing about Christmas TV: you get the leftovers first. Only when the leftovers from the shows are over can we finally enjoy the good stuff.
Food obeys the opposite rule. By now there may be enough turkey left for a round of sandwiches, but otherwise it's cold pigs in musty blankets and the dregs of some peculiar vino someone won in a lottery. And the only remains in the Quality Street box are toffee pennies.
This is nature's way of telling us that it's almost time to detox.
But the television schedules work in reverse. For weeks we have been presented with things that no one wants. . . repeats of the 2021 end-of-year quizzes, a look behind the doors of a Christmas stocking factory, that kind of thing.
The tasty stuff is just beginning and will last well into the new year. As BBC and ITV went head-to-head with feature-length specials starring their best-loved detectives, the main question was which film to watch first.
Brenda Blethyn as DCI Vera Stanhope in ITV's Vera Christmas Special
Blethyn may have to wait a while for her next invite to This Morning, with this episode's storyline quite similar to the recent ITV scandal surrounding Philip Schofield, which has seen murder victim a TV show presenter suspended following sexual harassment allegations
Brenda Blethyn was in excellently grumpy form as DCI Stanhope in Vera (ITV1). She didn't go so far as to sputter, “Humbug!” but it was clear from the way she threw a handful of greeting cards to her team that she had no desire to play Santa.
A murder took place on the sacred island of Lindisfarne, during a reunion of old school friends. 'On foot' was the key word. Vera noticed a muddy boot print on the bedspread, and since the body was barefoot, the print had to be the killer's.
Clearly our shabby sleuth was dealing with an unscrupulous killer. Murder is bad enough, but standing on the bed in a holiday home in dirty rubber boots is truly criminal behavior. Even leaving a five-star review on Tripadvisor is no excuse for that.
Vera's chief inspector became nervous about the investigation and announced that the victim was the host of a TV magazine program called Morning Sunrise, who had been suspended following allegations of sexual harassment by a young intern at the studio.
Given ITV's embarrassment over the Phillip Schofield scandal, this storyline seemed pretty close. Brenda, a popular guest on This Morning's couch in the past, may have to wait a while for her next invite.
Holy Island provided a spectacular setting, as it often does. It wasn't long ago that Jim Moir and his wife Nancy Sorrell went birdwatching there, while Matt Baker spent a weekend on the island with his parents. I've seen so much of it that I feel like I've been camping on Lindisfarne myself.
Death in Paradise (BBC1) got off to a dull start in Woking, with an unnecessarily complicated plot twist
The fictional Caribbean island of Saint Marie might seem like a sunnier choice for a holiday, but Death In Paradise (BBC1) got off to a dull start in Woking.
Luckily, Bronagh Waugh as digital marketing guru Debbie was soon packing her suitcase, followed by idle boyfriend Dave (Youssef Kerkour) when he heard Debbie had disappeared.
The crazy thing was that the killer wanted to get rid of both Dave and Debbie so he could break into their Surrey home and steal a valuable vase. This seems unnecessarily complicated: Dave was usually so absorbed in playing video games that he wouldn't have noticed if the movers cleared the place out, as long as they left him the PlayStation.
Doon Mackichan enjoyed a brash turn as Inspector Neville Parker's mother, bingeing on rum and throwing herself at any man with a French accent. It seems like a shame to have a role in Death In Paradise and not at least be suspected of murder, but she'll definitely be back.
So, I hope, Leila Khan as chatterbox Riley. This show is always best with a naive and comedic detective on the team. More Riley, please.