The first thing I noticed was the silence. Waking up in our new housewe found it so quiet in the morning.
A few weeks ago, as I heard my father shuffling upstairs as he made his early morning tea, or my mother listening to Reels, our house was suddenly silent before the children opened their eyes.
August marked five months since we started live with my parents in my parental home. They had kindly offered my family of five the bottom floor of their two-storey house after we moved from country Victoria, Australia to the Gold Coast, where I grew up.
The multi-generational living arrangement worked very well and was overall a success. But when my father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease In June we decided it was time to move on. In August we moved into our own house, about a 10-minute drive from my parents.
Since our multigenerational living experience has come to an end, the feelings that have come to the surface have been interesting. Happiness, sadness, guilt and relief all at the same time.
I know we couldn’t live with my parents forever. They are 77 and 81. They need their own space and vice versa. But overall the feeling is bittersweet.
The author, her husband and her children enjoyed living with her parents. Thanks to Melissa Noble
We’ve gained a lot since we moved
In our new home, we can all stroll around in our underwear without having to worry about being uncomfortable. When my husband and I get into an argument, there’s no one within earshot, and I think we generally get along better now that we have our own space.
Our three children too have their own roomswhich they really enjoy (they were all piled into one bedroom at my parents’ house). We no longer have to worry about the children being disruptive or dealing with challenges such as illnesses, different routines or keeping shared spaces clean and tidy at all times.
Having privacy again is a simple pleasure that I have really missed.
But there are also a few things we’ve lost
While I love and am solitude generally introvertedI find myself missing certain aspects of multi-generational living. My morning cups of tea with my father, for example, when we sat on his veranda chatting in the sun, or not talking at all.
I also miss the lunch conversations with mom. Even if it was just lying on her bed for fifteen minutes and laughing about something stupid.
Although we try to visit Mom and Dad regularly, we don’t necessarily see them every day. I hope that in the long run we will have quality time together, rather than quantity.
They now live in a new neighborhood, 10 minutes from her parents. Thanks to Melissa Noble
My parents also have mixed feelings
I know without a doubt that my parents love our children, but I do think that towards the end of our living situation they found it a bit too much. They are also relieved, but sad that it is over.
At one point, before we moved, my mother said she was looking forward to having her house back, then felt guilty about her comments and tried to back out. The next day she begged us to stay an extra week.
I think for mom, who had trouble with it empty nest syndrome When my siblings and I moved, this whole situation was a bit like empty nest 2.0. Their house has gone from a hive of activity, with grandchildren doing cartwheels in the living room and having fits of laughter after dinner, to eerily quiet.
It’s an adjustment we’re navigating together
I live with my parents again after so many years apart was a gift, even though there were challenges. I think what makes this next chapter bittersweet is that we didn’t leave because we hated each other’s company; we left because we love my parents enough not to want to burden them.
Even though we no longer share a roof, I hope we can continue to make memories and truly enjoy the time we spend together. I make an effort to invite my parents to weekly dinners, and we may even start a monthly family game night.
My mother and father were my first home and they will always be welcome in our home.
