KENNEDY: We all know why blubbery bistro blowhard Keith McPiggy branded perpetual trout-pout Lauren Sanchez ‘revolting’…

Salty restauranteur/raunchy pig Keith McNally is at it again… and embarking on a new crusade against snobbery.

Unfortunately for the blubbering Baron of Balthazar, it returned to the kitchen faster than a chicken tartare that was not on the menu.

In a blistering Instagram rant, McPiggy attacked Amazon WAG Lauren Sanchez out of nowhere, writing, “Anyone else found Jeff Bezos’ new wife? [sic] – Lauren Sanchez – ABSOLUTELY disgusting?’

“What an ugly and damned smug looking bunch they make,” he continued to froth. “Is this what having $1 trillion is? [sic] does to people?’

I’ll tell you what’s disgusting. This bougie clam’s obsession with Mrs. Almost Bezos.

Maybe the rosacea has driven him crazy with jealous rage. Maybe he’s a lonely leprechaun looking for his four-leaf clover (separated since 2018). But McNally’s nasty smears have now sunk lower than his husband’s teats.

He posted photo after luscious photo of Lauren’s sensual blow-up doll lips, overflowing water balloons and round hip flesh.

No doubt, McNasty wished he had such a ready and buxom lady as his catch of the day.

But a man – who in my eyes is the extruded byproduct of a blasphemous union between a sloth and Gru – should probably bring the insults to a boil.

After all, this rumpled social climber has made a fortune running the most elite restaurants in New York City by catering to the rich and famous, from Anna Wintour to Leonardo DiCaprio. But Lauren and Jeff aren’t good enough for him?

Certainly, the soon-to-be Bezoses flaunt their ample assets – and their wealth, too.

Jeff’s $500 million yacht has a strikingly famous curvaceous goddess as its figurehead. Sanchez once said that her diamond engagement stone was so big that she almost fainted when she saw it, which explains her state of constantly pursing her lips (inhaling to stay conscious). And yes, her barely-there displays at White House shindigs are strangely unpresidential.

It is also true that everyone cheered for Mr. Fancy Eatery when he famously banned corpulent clown James Corden from its restaurants after the British import allegedly threw an omelet hissy fit at an underpaid server. Although Cantankerous Corden later apologized, he got his comeuppance.

But what did poor Lozza do other than kill social media with her impossible frame?

Her silicone grace in the face of this unsolicited drive-by — where she simply urged fans to “lead with kindness” — kept it classy. And now the yolks on McNally’s pumpkin face.

Apparently embarrassed, he crawled back to Insta on Tuesday night and posted a promotion for his upcoming memoir. The title is ‘I regret almost everything’.

“I wrote the first line in an insane asylum in Massachusetts in August 2018,” he said. “And last night the last row on Thompson Street in New York.”

Boo-hoo-bad-mouth, you can put your book plug-cum-apology somewhere the Listerine won’t reach.

This evil bistro boost’s seemingly hypocritical rants have become far too stale.

Sydney pigs

Talk about sour critics. Hollywood fossil Carol Baum tried to ditch the It Girl this week.

The producer of ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ has trashed busty ingenue Sydney Sweeny, saying she’s ‘not pretty and can’t act’, which has never stopped the likes of Sarah Jessica Parker, Amy Schumer or Baum’s protégé Kristy Swanson.

I know Baum was around before Olivier started acting, but leave the femme-bashing to the frat houses, hun!

Trump’s bazookas in court

Joe Biden’s cheerleaders think they finally have Trump where they want him — off the campaign trail, in a Manhattan courtroom and dozing at the defense table.

Oh, how wrong they are! What’s more recognizable than a sleepy man falling asleep in public?

This corrupt case, created by woke prosecutor Alvin Bragg, would not have been brought against anyone not named Donald John Trump. Our former billionaire looks more like an average Joe than Amtrak Joe.

Brave Don isn’t worried. He knows his optics. So he also wraps himself in something that never goes out of style: hot girls.

Meet Trump’s secret courtroom bazookas, the Trumpettes.

There’s leggy blonde and former television host Natalie Harp, whom Trump credits with Christ-like policy powers for signing a law that helped her get an experimental cancer treatment after traditional chemotherapy failed her twice.

She’s just one sexy arrow in Trump’s crowded quiver. Beside her lies an equally stunning counterpart, the communication goddess – and Melania-esque – Margo Martin.

I bet one or two potential jurors will be thinking, “If he hangs out with babes like that, he can’t be that bad!”

Then came the chef’s kiss. As soon as the court was out of session on Tuesday, the high priest of the political stunt took him to the bodega, where clerk Jose Alba fought off a violent thief in 2022 – and fatally stabbed his attacker.

Bragg accused Alba of murder and threw him in the hoosegow – before a public outcry forced the district attorney to drop the charges.

Tumbleweed!

Coachella is now the Nickelback of festivals.

The desert rave – once a mecca for music fans – has become a played-out parade of ridiculously over-filtered, over-privileged Gen-Z influencers who couldn’t tell Daft Punk from Doja Cat.

Last weekend, Blur frontman Damon Albarn spoke for us all when he fumed at all the TikTok junkies staring at their own iPhone reflections.

“You’ll never see us again, so you might as well sing it!” he threatened the distracted crowd as his band played their iconic hit “Girls & Boys” (which I would hit my late grandmother with if I saw them live).

Santa Barbara snobbery

Señor Spare, ever the man of the people, was at a charity polo match in Florida on Friday to preview his new Netflix show.

Yes, you heard right, Prince Harry will be delving into the world of professional polo – the sport that 98.8% of Americans are actively not interested in.

Are those streaming giants still high on Coachella mushrooms? Who wants to watch people playing croquet on horseback?

Moreover, isn’t this ‘sport of kings’ a bit Santa Barbara snobbish, everything H&M deigns to hate?

Perhaps Me-First Megs was too busy to notice when she rolled out the first product from her new brand, American Riveria Orchard.

It’s jam!! So exciting that Trump woke up.

Pass Go… collect $1 billion

Australian movie queen Margot Robbie has found quite an opportunity to exploit the pastime of beloved children.

She’s now co-producing a movie based on Monopoly, presumably hoping to get rich again, as she did with her billion-dollar Barbie windfall.

She really has a monocle for marketable film assets! Maybe she could team up with Prince Harry for a My Little Pony/polo collaboration?

Semen for sale

What if you’re not fertile, but still want to be a mother and can’t afford the traditional sperm donation and IVF route?

A new book – exclusively reported by the Mail – reveals that many have turned to the fake dark market to meet their baby maker.

Women seeking to reproduce on a budget are often forced to roll the dice in seedy motels and public toilets, hoping that these Mr Right Creeps will provide a better future.

Sheesh! Modern romance is a complete nightmare!