“I miss him so much,” I sobbed into the phone. “I don’t know if I can do this.” I was surprised that my sister could understand me through the tears, but she had always been good at deciphering my words – and what lay behind them. I had been away from home for less than 48 hours, and I missed my twelve-year-old son so much that I wasn’t sure I could cover the distance for a full three weeks. Had I made the right decision by taking a dream job two states away?
I wanted to follow my dream
Growing up, I spent a lot more time creating (and performing) musicals indoors than playing kickball outdoors. I reimagined shows I loved and created my own mashups – Oklahoma Annie! played on select evenings in my living room with an added Sunday matinee. It was no surprise to anyone that my love for theater continued, and so did I graduated from university with a BFA in musical theater. I was a professional actor long before my husband and son took center stage. (Theatre pun free.)
For years, performing took a backseat to parenting, but dream shows continued to gnaw at my insides. I kept a short list of those I would like to be involved with, especially as my son became more independent. So, with the encouragement of my husband and son, I started auditioning for productions within a five-hour radius of home. And, would you believe it, I was cast in a dream role, in one of my dream musicals, playing a mother. Wow.
It was two states away, and I was going to be away for three weeks. I was excited, but nervous.
My husband and son supported my decision
“You have to do it,” my husband said. His support made me relax a little, but I had no idea how my son would react. We are one immediate familyand I would have left him alone for a few days at most. It was clear that a conversation needed to happen, so after dinner and before homework I told him the news.
My twelve year old grew up watching both of his parents on stage. When he was 8, he proudly announced that he was auditioning for his school show, and he has been performing ever since. I think that perspective helped him understand the meaning of my offer, because he said with mature certainty, “You should definitely go, Mom.”
I hugged him tightly and we talked about what the distance meant to our family. He never changed his mind, even when doubts crossed my mind, with questions like: Was I missing too much time? Would everyone be okay? Could he and my husband find their socks? The trust in my child’s eyes remained stable, so I said yes.
It was hard at first, but it was transformative
The first few days away were a struggle, and I called my sister from my car and burst into tears. “Give it a few more days and see how you feel,” she advised. And she was right. Over the next few weeks, I reconnected with a part of myself that I had inadvertently shelved – independent of my role as a wife and mother.
When I became a parentmy hope shifted to my son. I put my ambitions aside to fully encourage him. I loved doing it, but I had forgotten what it felt like to be the girl in her living room singing songs to no one but herself. Taking up the space was a powerful reminder of who I am at my core – and that there is still time to encourage her hope too. My dream show turned into a dream experience – made all the more remarkable by the most talented cast and crew.
Now that I’m back in my usual role, I can see how my choice has changed me and the people around me. The 21 days away were an opportunity for my family to learn new versions of support, and for my child to be in a… more mature phase of life. His proud smile as he tackled everyday adulthood boosted his self-esteem in ways that don’t happen when I’m always there. It was kismet. Despite all the texts I got, it said, “Have you seen my socks?”
