I was 10 years old when my parents decided to do that become foster parents. I was 28, married and had a child of my own when they were last placed.
During those years my parents adopted five our foster brothers and sisters through the Foster-to-Adopt program.
But not every foster brother or sister stayed.
As a family, we mourned the end of each placement, whether a child was placed in another foster home or with biological relatives. Saying goodbye was one thing. Not knowing if their next home would be safe and loving made things much more difficult, especially since we had no control over the court’s decision.
Nathaniel was part of our first foster placement
One of my foster brothers, Nathaniel, lived with my family for only two years, from age seven to nine, or from second to fourth grade. He and his two sisters were ours first placement, to bump us from a family of five to eight.
My parents bought an old blue minivan that was always breaking down. From the backseat, my brothers Mike and Nathaniel played songs from the Backstreet Boys cassette that was on repeat, earning them the title “The Backseat Boys.”
I remember sitting on the floor in their room, exchanging baseball cards and going to their football games. Nathaniel was one of those smart kids who somehow managed to get good grades and make instant friends at school, despite everything that had happened to him in his life.
I’ll never forget how, after September 11, he and his best friend collected all the American flags from the neighbors’ yards on one side of the street and went door to door on the other side to resell them. The neighbors didn’t even know they were buying their own neighbors’ flags. The boys each took home about $72, which my parents promptly had Nathaniel donate to charity, since it was exactly an honest business venture. Still, you had to hand it to him. It was pretty ingenious – and brave – for an 8-year-old.
That was Nathanael. He wasn’t dishonest, just a smart, scrappy kid who knew how to survive.
The author visited her brother Nathaniel for his baby shower and signed a copy of her book for him. Thanks to Kris Ann Valdez
He left our home, but never our family
Nathaniel survived long after he left our home.
We never lost touch with him and his sisters. When they went to another foster home, we took them with us long weekends. After they moved to Watts, Los Angeles, to live with their aunt, we made the six-hour drive from Phoenix to see them as often as we could.
When Nathaniel was a teenager, he and his good friend came to stay with my parents for the weekend. They confided in my father how hard they worked to stay out of the gangs in their neighborhood.
He kept his head down. Eventually he found a mentor who took him under her wing like a son. She helped him apply to college during his senior year of high school.
And then he also graduated from college.
Decades later, I gave the main character of my middle grade book his name
When I sat down decades later to write a middle-grade novel about a young boy, I knew exactly what I would name the main character: Nathaniel.
The Nathaniel in my book is not my foster brother. The story is entirely fictional. But I made him a fourth-grade boy, the same age as my brother when he left our house.
Nathaniel and the worst project in fourth grade history was published this summer by a small traditional press.
My own this week family of five drove to California from Arizona to attend Nathaniel’s baby shower as he is about to have his own first baby in October.
I brought a copy of my book.
Giving my character his name was my way of making sure my brother knew how important he is to me. Foster care meant that a court decided where he would live after he left our home. But it shouldn’t decide who we were considered family.
At the party I signed the book to Nathaniel and his daughter, just above the printed dedication I had already written to him. Then we took a photo together.
All these years later he still calls me his sister
The next day Nathaniel called me to thank us for coming.
He told me that everyone in the shower was impressed that his sister was… published author and had a book named after him.
I was just happy to hear him call me his sister.
