I was recently talking to a friend about cleaning. He said he cleans the parental home and I pointed out that this is a rarity, even though it shouldn’t be. My friend said he “doesn’t help his wife” with cleaning; it is also his home and therefore also his responsibility. So he cleans their house.
I explained how, in all my seriousness, live-in relationshipsNone of my partners knew how to do routine cleaning tasks, such as cleaning the bathrooms or floors, until I showed them how.
I’ve had to show all my previous partners how to clean
As I thought more about cleaning and my past relationships, I realized that I really didn’t want my own son to grow up not knowing how to clean his living space—or worse, not being a team player when it comes to his homework. household chores.
He is almost 13 and even though we have been cleaning together for years, he still thinks he doesn’t have to help. Unfortunately, I also heard him say that cleaning the house is not a ‘people job’. Every time I hear him say something like that, I question him about that belief.
I usually start with the question, “Why do you think that?” In this case, he grew up watching me do all the housework, whether I was in a relationship or not. He explained that he thought this was just “what moms did.”
I tried to appeal to his logic and explain how tiring it is to do every household chore alone. The topic of gender and expectations also came up, as would be expected when talking about the distribution of household responsibilities.
Now the family cleans together. Thanks to Ashley Archambault
I also explained that cleaning and keeping his space organized involves much more than just doing housework: it’s also a form of self-care. And if he lives with other people one day, that’s also a way to be a team player.
We talk a lot about fairness, and he now understands that it wouldn’t be fair to expect one person to do the chores of the entire household. He also understands that everyone has to do their part and that this is part of life, even though most people don’t like doing chores.
In order for my son to help, my husband had to come on board and start cleaning too
As I talked to my son about why he doesn’t think he needs to clean, I realized that I’ve also given my husband of five years permission to give up chores. Once we realized he needed to set a better example in the house, cleaning truly became a family affair.
There are certain tasks that we should all do every day, such as making our beds, cleaning up after ourselves and putting away our things help with the dishes and laundry. But when it comes to the deeper cleaning, even my husband doesn’t like to contribute.
To help my husband and son learn a new way of living around the house, I decided to set aside one day a week to share all the major housework. It’s a little different every week because I want my son to learn how to clean the whole house, and I also want him to watch my husband do the same.
We all take turns cleaning the floor, so for example my son vacuums and my husband mop while I vacuum. cleaning the bathrooms. The next week we switch and they tackle the bathrooms while I do the floors.
Because my son hates every moment, my husband and I really have to maintain a united front. Seeing my husband clean without complaining really helps my son get the job done with an overall better attitude.
On a practical level, the house gets cleaned much faster, which means we all spend less time on chores, but on a deeper level, our family is starting to feel more like a small community, learning to work better together. What once took me three hours of hard work now takes us as a group one hour.
My son would never admit it, but I know what I teach him sinks in
I actually love cleaning and find it therapeutic, so I try to share that attitude with him by recommending that he put on some good music while he cleans. Once, he took my advice and reorganized his room – without us asking him – for an entire afternoon while listening to his favorite music. It showed me that he is listening, even if it doesn’t always seem that way.
His actual cleaning skills continue to improve, and the other benefits – such as how nice it feels when your room has just been cleaned – become increasingly clear to him through first-hand experience. I see him starting to take more responsibility in caring for his own belongings, and while it’s not quite a total win for me yet in terms of family responsibilities, I think it’s a great place for my son to start.
