DEAR JANE: My wife has ditched her razor for good – but her gross body hair is destroying our sex life

Dear Jane,

My wife has embraced a new, gross “fad” – if that’s even the right word – and I have no interest in having sex with her at all.

She fell a few months ago TikTok hole of all these women who “left their razors behind” and “embraced their natural body hair,” and it made her decide she wanted to do the same. She said she spent too long highlighting a bit of leg hair and “fuzz” under the armpits and decided she couldn’t be bothered to do all that maintenance.

To begin with, I was quite unfazed by it. It’s her body, and I thought a little hair wouldn’t make much difference!

But the longer it goes on, the more and more grossed out I am by it. I know it sounds sexist or misogynistic or whatever you want to call it, but I just don’t find it attractive at all. I think it’s disgusting.

Obviously I didn’t say this to her because regardless of her body hair situation, I still love her, it’s just… the attraction I once felt for her has more or less disappeared since this revelation of her body hair .

She’s clearly noticed that I haven’t been in the “mood” lately, but she doesn’t seem to have a clue as to the real reason.

I don’t want to hurt her, I really don’t, but I’m afraid my marriage will fall apart if something doesn’t change soon.

How would you solve this mess?

By,

Razor burn

Best razor burner,

This is difficult to answer because on the one hand, your wife should of course be able to do whatever she wants when it comes to her body without having to worry about what anyone else thinks, even her husband.

And yet, part of me also recognizes that marriage is always a matter of compromise.

Sometimes we do things that we might not do if left to ourselves, but we do them to serve a greater good: the peace and happiness of our marriage.

I think you can say everything you said above to your wife. You love her regardless of her body hair situation, but you are less attracted to the fur.

Share how confusing this is, and perhaps how you know you don’t have the right to tell her what to do and what she thinks.

Have a conversation about it. If you can honestly say not just that you don’t like it, but exactly why you don’t like it, I imagine she wants to put the needs of the marriage ahead of the convenience of a razor-free life.

I wish you a lot of succes…

Dear Jane,

I am a retired 70 year old raising an autistic son as a single parent. His mother, my second wife, left in 2018 after twenty years, after emptying our bank accounts along the way. After she left, my son – who is now 26 – really stepped up to help financially. He got a good job and helped pay the bills, and we were very happy together.

Until our landlord sold our house, leaving us with a new owner who significantly raised the rent while ignoring all the repairs that needed to be done.

It quickly became clear that we needed to live somewhere else, but rent increases in our area made it feel like we were out of options. That’s when my first wife stepped in and offered us a settlement: We could both move in with her for free, provided we helped with the chores and helped her get to doctor’s appointments.

The deal seemed like a dream. She and I had always remained on friendly terms after we broke up – and it felt like enough time had passed (26 years!) for both of us to live together without any major problems, so I agreed straight away.

But not long after we moved in, it became clear to me that she was incredibly jealous of the bond I share with my son and the attention I gave him. She has never had children of her own and doesn’t really know how to parent, especially when it comes to young people with autism.

A horrible pattern developed between the two of them, where she would demand that he do something for her, he would refuse, and she would then threaten to kick him out. So much resentment and animosity built up between the two that he rebelled, quitting his job, refusing to look for other work and instead focusing entirely on writing a book, which his friends online somehow helped him convinced that this will also be the case. a big hit.

However, the fact that he is home all day has not done anything to improve the relationship between my son and my ex. I find myself perpetually caught between the two and I hate to see what this situation has done to my son, but now that he’s unemployed and I’m making very little on Social Security, there aren’t really many other choices for us.

All I want to do is make peace here… any idea how to do that?

By,

Man in the middle

Dear man in the middle,

What a deeply disturbing situation you find yourself in, and how sorry I am that you find yourself in it.

There is no obvious solution, but I do think that the peace and happiness of you and your son, a peace and happiness that you enjoyed until the return of your first wife, should be your main concern.

Autism can manifest itself in so many different ways. There’s no doubt that your ex-wife could learn the skills to help an autistic child feel safe and loved. If she chooses.

I don’t know if she’s willing to do that kind of work to help a young man she seems to dislike, but I would at least look for books, or articles that you can suggest she read to understand it better. how to treat your son.

You’re caught between a rock and a hard place. I believe that you should focus on building your son up so that he feels capable and strong regardless of the behavior of anyone around him.

Fortestrong.com offers a ‘Failure to Launch’ program for young men, helping them become healthier, happier and most importantly, independent. T

Don’t worry about the dynamic between your son and the first wife, but instead focus on how your son can develop his skills so he can weather these kinds of storms without the incredible progress he’s making. has booked to give up.