DEAR JANE: I HATE my boyfriend’s awful pet name for me – he’s been using it for years and has no idea it makes my skin crawl EVERY time he says it
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Dear Jane,
Let me first say: I love my boyfriend, I really do. He is so wonderful to me in every way, which makes me feel so terrible for even bringing this up, but I really need some advice.
When my boyfriend and I started dating about six years ago, we jokingly called each other by all kinds of stupid pet names. Donut, babes, honey pot… anything and everything we could think of that would make the other person laugh.
If one of us was having a bad day, that was the joke we would use so they would forget about it.
That’s why I somehow missed it when my boyfriend introduced a real nickname that he has been using every day since the first months of our relationship. And I despite it.
Dear Jane, My boyfriend has been using a horrible pet name for me for years and has no idea that I hate it. I’ve let it go on for so long that I have no idea how to tell him the truth
For whatever reason, it makes my skin crawl every time he says it. I find myself having to swallow my cringe before I can even turn to him as he shouts “pookie pie” across the room. Pookie cake!
What kills me is that it may be the most ridiculous nickname we’ve ever jokingly exchanged, but somehow that’s the one that stuck.
At first I really thought he said it funny, but it slowly dawned on me (perhaps far too late) that it wasn’t a joke, and that he intended to keep using it. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of something so small, so I tried to get over it and just embrace it as one of our sweet traditions.
International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her column Dear Jane agony aunt
But to this day I can’t get over the ick I feel when he says it.
Our relationship is so wonderful in every other way – to the point where I now think he’s going to propose at any moment, but even that joyful moment is somewhat tainted by the fear that he might get down on one knee and say: ‘Pookie pie will you marry me?’
Is there any way I can say this to him without sounding like a crazy person after all these years?
By,
Nickname Nightmare
Dear Nickname Nightmare,
I sympathize with the ick you’re feeling, but I have no idea why on earth you let this go on for so long without saying anything. I wonder what keeps you from telling him that you don’t like it, and that what started as a joke is no longer funny.
Communication is the single most important factor for the success of a relationship. It is crucial that we speak out about the things that make us uncomfortable, the things we don’t like.
When we keep it to ourselves, worrying about hurting someone, worrying about people’s feelings, we end up with a small pile of resentment that just keeps growing until it becomes an insurmountable mountain.
Say what you mean, mean what you say, don’t say it’s mean.
Sit him down and tell him it was funny when it felt ironic, but now it feels awkward, and the two of you need to find another name.
I wish you a lot of succes!