Confessions of a flight attendant: Secret rules that determine who gets stellar service on a flight and who gets ‘accidentally’ hit by the trolley

Are you curious about what happens on the other side of the galley curtain during your holiday flight? Want to know why some passengers get five-star service (‘any gin for later, sir?’) and others are ‘accidentally’ knocked on the elbow by every passing drinks trolley?

Welcome to the secret world of flight attendants – and I should know because I used to be a member of the BA cabin crew.

Here are the secret codes, the pet hate and the best perks, plus what you can do for better service and free fizz.

We’re watching you

Please note that you will be watched from the moment you step aboard. “We checked you in and we’re checking you out,” says my former fellow BA flight attendant, Jennie Jordan, who now works for Virgin Atlantic. The galley gossip focuses on the prettiest or most charming, with the crew happily choosing their ‘Bob’ (‘Best on Board’).

Earn Bob status and receive a pleasant surprise. “If I say, ‘You left this in the galley, sir,’ I’ll probably give my Bob a duty-free bag full of free sparkling water right up front,” Jennie says.

Top tip for being a Bob? It’s about behavior, not just appearance. “When we need someone to move so a difficult family can sit together, we do our very best for anyone who helps,” says BA crew member Neil Jackson.

Do you want an upgrade?

“Can you pick up your bag and follow me?” They are the words you need to hear before you are led through the curtain to a better cabin. But onboard upgrades are rare, even if you’re famous. Even VIPs are now being overlooked in favor of big-spending CIPs (Commercially Important People). Often, top travel agencies’ computers select CIPs for better seats before boarding begins.

Once on board, few things require an upgrade. “Claim it’s your birthday, honeymoon or you have a bad leg and all we can offer you is an extra drink,” says Neil. These days, even a broken TV screen may only get you vouchers for future flights.

Being polite can only get you so far when seeking an upgrade, as big spends often fill available seats

Bad passengers

If you behave badly, the crew may take revenge. It’s possible for them all to trip and bump into the back of a seat as they walk past – especially effective on night flights when the passenger is trying to sleep. The crew may hand someone a can of drink that is shaken in the galley and ready to explode. Or they may experience shaking hands in important seats. “I’m trained to work in turbulence, so if I spill something, it’s on purpose,” says Jennie.

Working in the air for hours can be stressful enough without noisy crowds or rude passengers

Flying coffins

Haven’t seen your favorite crew member in a while? They probably sleep in a coffin.

That’s because long-haul planes have crew rest quarters hidden behind “secret” doors that most passengers miss. Climb the ladder behind the door (often next to an economy class toilet) to find rows of bunk beds above the cabin ceiling.

After the first meal, half the crew takes a first break and then trades with the others. But don’t be jealous, because the bunks look like coffins and the claustrophobic crew hates them.’

On long-haul flights, the attendants often disappear for a few hours to catch up on much-needed sleep

Time for a party

Conventional wisdom says that cabin crew party hard, and intermediate hotels are generally good quality – usually with pools and bars.

But Neil says the reality is less spicy. “We’re permanently jet-lagged, so while young crew members say, ‘What happens in intermediate hotels stays in intermediate hotels,’ most of us just want to sleep.”

It’s also wrong to assume that two crew members who call each other “honey” throughout the flight are a couple.

“Crews normally meet for the first time at the pre-flight briefing and never fly together again,” says Neil.

“I call everyone ‘honey’ because I can never remember names.”