Woman whose 32-year-old husband died of rare cancer candidly reveals how she overcame ‘paralyzing’ grief to face her ‘new normal’ as a single mother two their two young kids

A Colorado mother who lost her 32-year-old husband to cancer has shared how, as a widowed single mother of two, she found her “new normal” after his death – and how she now helps others through their lives. mourning.

Emily Bingham’s husband Ian died in 2019 from uveal melanoma after being diagnosed with a rare cancer at the age of 24 and fighting for his life for years.

“I went from being a loving, supportive wife and stay-at-home mother to having a child aged 12 months and three years, to taking on new roles as a widow, single parent and head of household,” Emily, who plays Ian – an avid surfer – met in college when they were both 18, shared.

“All the intense emotions of grief, along with the fear of starting a ‘new normal’ without him, made me feel paralyzed.”

Reflecting on their trip, Emily said that in 2011, when she was in high school in Pittsburgh and Ian was working in Beijing, China, he called her in tears. He had woken up unable to see, and the doctor had discovered a tumor in his eye. It turned out to be uveal melanoma, a rare form of cancer that affects about 2,000 people every year, mainly the elderly. Ian was only 24 years old.

“All of Ian’s big career dreams and travel adventures suddenly ceased to matter when we were faced with the real possibility of losing him. When you’re dealing with something as serious as a terminal illness, you stop dreaming about the future and start living in the now. We decided to get married and cherish the time we had together,” Emily explains.

Just two weeks before their wedding, Ian was told he had to have his eye removed because the radiation was not working and the tumor was growing.

The couple’s wedding and honeymoon marked the last time he saw Emily with both eyes.

Two years later, the couple celebrated the arrival of their daughter Izzy, followed by the birth of their son Theo.

“We thought we had fought the cancer, but we were wrong,” Emily said

‘Ian’s physiotherapist, who had been helping him with lower back pain, called with more shocking news. An MRI revealed tumors all over his spine. We ran to the ER, thinking we would get an immediate answer. Hours turned into days until we were finally told that Ian’s uveal melanoma had spread to his spine, lungs and abdomen. It was phase four.”

For fifteen months, Ian and Emily traveled back and forth to MD Anderson, a renowned cancer center in Houston, where they participated in experimental studies in search of a miracle.

“From then on it was one bad diagnosis after another,” Emily recalls.

‘On New Year’s Day 2019, Ian woke me up in a panic, unable to move his legs. Doctors discovered a huge tumor in the spine that required immediate surgery.

‘Although it was predicted that he would end up in a wheelchair, he left the hospital after two weeks of rehabilitation. Ian then said he wanted to go back to his Hawaiian hometown as he felt time was slipping away, so we packed for a three week getaway.

‘It was a nice holiday. He enjoyed his last moments splashing in the water with our kids, eating his favorite meals and catching up with friends. He really wanted to surf and swim like he used to, but the cancer pain kept getting in the way. He ended up going to a hospital in Honolulu because the pain was just too intense.”

Ian’s cancer had spread and the couple were told hospice was the last option. His last 25 days were spent in a room with a beautiful view of the Mokulua Islands, kindly gifted to Ian by a friend.

‘I went through every day, numb and robotic. “I cared for him, bathed him, administered medications and spent time with friends who kept him company at his hospital bedside,” Emily said.

‘The day he died, he left us just as the sun rose, before the children and I woke up, and after the night nurse had taken his coffee break. Ian went alone, probably with his surfboard, to catch the first waves of the day.’

For months Emily felt powerless. She had lost her focus and direction in life in her new role as a widowed mother and didn’t even know where to start rebuilding her life.

As a former ballerina and spin and barre instructor, she did what felt most natural to her: she started moving her body.

“While I felt trapped in my mind, I felt a sense of freedom with every burp, a touch of courage with every heavyweight rep, and a spark of hope with every drop of sweat that left my body. As I lay in shavasana, the instructor left us with three words: I am enough. It was everything I needed to hear.”

Six months after Ian’s death, Emily launched moveTHRU, connecting people experiencing loss through exercise.

What started as an intention-based training for dealing with grief turned into a full-fledged movement almost five years later.

Emily now helps mourners find healing, meaning and purpose in life after loss through her online coaching programs, personal retreats and her book Love & Grief, to be published in February 2024.

For Emily, moveTHRU is a healing resource and a way to find meaning in Ian’s death.

“The loss of Ian has taught me that life is unpredictable and that control is an illusion. Living means surrendering to outside forces and harnessing the power from within. In it we find lessons in adversity, treasure in every moment and the confidence that everything will work out, even unexpectedly,” Emily concludes.