You score, you sit down, you cherish your genius. The Mohammed Kudus festival.
Tough to copy on the playground, due to the lack of billboards to sit on, but you can bet the schoolchildren in the East End of London will find a way. Kudus is quickly becoming the new favorite of West Ham fans, a forward full of pace and silky smoothness.
Twice we saw Lucas Paqueta play penetrating passes behind Wolves. We saw Kudus pick them up twice. Twice we saw him bury them before heading for the far end.
As has become his trademark, Kudus celebrated by sitting down in front of the opposition supporters and taking a well-deserved breather. There's no shortage of brutality to match his clinical nature.
Paqueta linked up with the 23-year-old Ghanaian on both occasions, with their bromance lifting West Ham to seventh in the Premier League ahead of Manchester United's clash with Liverpool.
Mohammed Kudus scored twice in the first half as West Ham won 3-0 against Wolves on Sunday
Lucas Paqueta scored both of West Ham's goals in the first half, with winger Kudus scoring nine goals
Jarrod Bowen completed the impressive victory, leaving West Ham boss David Moyes delighted
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When you look at Kudus, it is difficult not to think that Erik ten Hag signed the wrong winger from Ajax. Kudus now has nine goals in all competitions for West Ham this season; Antony is at zero.
Paqueta then registered a third assist, allowing Jarrod Bowen to complete the impressive victory. David Moyes was delighted. Gary O'Neil less so.
Wolves lost this match 2-0 last season. Diego Costa puffed from a can of Red Bull on the bench while Ruben Neves was deployed in central defense and Pedro Neto tried to continue playing with an ankle injury but ended up missing the next five months. The next morning Bruno Lage was fired.
There is a recognizable game plan under O'Neil these days, using ball carriers such as Matheus Cunha to be much more direct in their attack. They had scored in every Premier League match this season with the exception of their 1-0 opening day defeat to Manchester United, and even then they were given a PGMOL apology for a penalty they missed in stoppage time.
Yet it was West Ham who dominated the first half. There was a fan in the home section with a cardboard sign that said, “Came all the way from Hong Kong to see Jarrod Bowen.” She almost saw him curl a corner straight in, with Wolves goalkeeper Dan Bentley pushing him behind him.
Wolves' first chance came after eleven minutes when West Ham lost the ball through their own penalty area, but Cunha's effort went straight to Lukasz Fabianski, starting for Alphonse Areola.
Apart from that opportunity, the away fans were given little incentive to get out of their seats, other than complaining that two fouls by Vladimir Coufal and Kurt Zouma deserved more than yellow.
In the 15th minute, Paqueta tried to finish with the outside of his boot after collecting Vladimir Coufal's cross, but it went wide. After 18 minutes Bowen won a free kick 35 yards from goal. Naturally, James Ward-Prowse took ownership of the ball. He had previously played against Wolves and scored from that distance for Southampton in the Premier League in January 2022.
His attempt was spot on, but Bentley, who came on for the injured Jose Sa, came over to deny him.
West Ham took the lead after 22 minutes and it came from a Wolves corner.
The ball was punched into the penalty area and headed by Craig Dawson, but Emerson was able to clear the line when Paqueta countered at speed. His pass to Kudus was a peach as he cut inside before drilling the ball past Bentley from 25 yards for 1-0.
There were 17.5 seconds between Wolves taking their corner and West Ham scoring their opener, with Kudus performing his trademark celebration for the away side.
In the 32nd minute, West Ham made it 2–0 when Zouma won the ball in the build-up before Paqueta played another penetrating pass to Kudus. He drove forward and beat Bentley, celebrating again in front of the Wolves fans.
Bowen was hoping for a penalty when he was pinned down by Maximilian Kilman and Joao Gomes, but he was soon back on his feet and sent a shot onto the post before half-time.
Wolves fans were left frustrated on the hour mark when they thought they had made it 2-1, when Nelson Semedo's ball was buried in the six-yard box by Pablo Sarabia. VAR Jarred Gillett began studying whose toe was furthest forward and after a long wait, Sarabia was ruled offside.
Pablo Sarabia thought he had given Wolves a lifeline, but it was ruled out by VAR for offside
Wolves goalkeeper Daniel Bentley did not cover himself in glory at the London Stadium
Gary O'Neil's game plan with Wolves now uses ball carriers to attack more directly
“F*** VAR,” the away supporter sang, before adding: “Premier League, corrupt as f***.”
In the 74th minute, that lady and her cardboard sign got what she wanted when Bowen made it 3-0. Tomas Soucek won the ball in midfield before Bowen played a one-two with Paqueta to finish into the far corner. Bentley had not covered himself in glory at the London Stadium.
In the 80th minute, Ward-Prowse was awarded another free kick from 35 yards. This time it flew past the wrong side of the post. He will remain on seventeen free kicks in the Premier League, one less than David Beckham's record of eighteen.
In the 86th minute, Kudus and Paqueta were substituted by Moyes. Their work was done. This had been an afternoon in the company of their blossoming bromance.