Tracey Cox reveals role play scenarios to get you out of a sex rut

Love it or hate the idea, there’s no doubt roleplay is exactly what long-term couples need to get themselves out of the ‘having sex with the same person for life’ rut. Pretending you are other people works.

So why aren’t we all doing it then?

Several reasons.

First, we worry we’ll make fools of ourselves. The answer to that is – you will! But the more cliched the scenario, the more cringey the lines, the more fun it is.

Second reason: What if our partner judges us when we suggest a scenario? This one I get, particularly in these very woke times.

But the whole point of most fantasises is that they are the things we wouldn’t dream of doing in real life. Belgian super-therapist Esther Perel says the things that turn us on at night are the very things we’ll march against the next morning. It’s normal to fantasise about the unwoke stuff! Park the guilt and don’t be judgemental of what your partner suggests either.

The third – and main reason – why couples don’t role-play is that most wouldn’t have a clue of how to do it.

And here’s where I come in.

I’ve come up with two popular, classic roleplay scenarios already thought through for you, step-by-step – and a more humorous, slightly ‘out there’ idea, for those who fancy stepping outside the norm.

No excuses now!

Feel free to add your own twists and surprises along the way…

DEFLOWERING A VIRGIN  

Why it appeals: It’s a power game with both submissive and dominant roles, each with its pluses.

Men particularly like playing the virgin, after a lifetime of being the sexual persuader.

What you’ll need: If she’s doing the seducing, a ‘sexy secretary’ type outfit works well for this one: a body-skimming pencil skirt, shirt unbuttoned to show off a push-up bra, stockings, heels.

The action plan (her seducing him):

• Get both of you a drink, then take him and the drinks into the lounge room. He sits on the couch, you sit on a chair opposite, crossing your legs and hiking your skirt high. He’s not sure where to look.
• Make general chit-chat to suit the scenario (he’s the geeky guy who works at your coffee shop – you’ve invited him in to see your place) then make it saucier. Tell him you don’t think he realises how attractive he is. Does he have a girlfriend? Does he think you’re attractive? What bits of you does he like best? Why? Let him squirm as he tries to be politically correct – and hide the erection which is starting to happen. At which point you say…
• ‘You’re looking a little uncomfortable? Let me help you’. And you move from the chair to sit beside him on the couch.
• Loosen the first two buttons of his shirt, telling him he looks hot and bothered. As you do so, rub the back of your hand against his exposed chest saying ‘Such soft skin. So unlike the other men I’ve been with…’
• As he squirms, you undo the top few buttons of your shirt, take his hand and place it on the underside of your breast. Ask him what it feels like and if he likes the feeling. Keep making small talk.
• Ask him if he’s ever made love to a woman before. He’ll squeak ‘No’. Ask him if he’d like to make love to you….It’s ok, you won’t tell and no-one’s going to walk in on the two of you.
• Ask him to take off your top and your bra. Tell him to touch your breasts and instruct him on how to do it. Make lots of moans and sighs but you’re still the grown-up so not too out of control.
• Ask him to stand up in front of you, unzip his pants and take out his (penis. Admire it, say how hard it is compared to men your age, then give him oral sex – stopping just short of orgasm. The idea is to bring him to a tantalising peak but not to the point of ejaculatory inevitability (when nothing, but nothing, could stop him orgasming).
• Undress yourself – theatrically and maintaining eye contact throughout. Let his eyes caress your body but don’t let him touch you. Leave on your high heels and stay-up stockings.
• Pose provocatively and let your own hands caress your curves. Ask him if he likes what he sees and if he wants to touch you.
• Undress him – kissing each bit of his flesh as it becomes exposed.
• When you’re both naked, lead him to the bed, with the promise that you are about to explain exactly how to make love to a woman to make her faint with pleasure.
• Honour the promise. Each touch, kiss, fondle, thrust is his very first, remember. At first, he touches reverently, then he’s lost in a frenzy of passion.
• The fantasy ends when he loses control completely – which he will in about three minutes if you’ve played your part properly!

BEING EACH OTHERS’ SEX SLAVE 

Why it appeals: Having someone under our complete and utter sexual command has obvious benefits. You don’t have to worry about the ‘no, you first honey’ niceties of sex: it’s all about YOUR pleasure and yours alone. Meanwhile, the ‘slave’ is ‘forced’ to perform acts they’d secretly love to but wouldn’t dare to suggest themselves.

What you’ll need to act it out: He’s the master in this example so jeans and a leather jacket, undone over a naked chest, sets the scene nicely. You’ll also need a blindfold, scarves or old stockings to tie her up and a wooden spoon or hairbrush. She’s completely naked – helpless and vulnerable (just how you want her!)

The action plan (she’s the slave):

• Try to keep an expressionless face. No ‘Are you OK?’, ‘Did I hurt you?’, ‘Are you sure you’re enjoying this?’. This isn’t about her, it’s all about you!!! You’re the master, she’s the slave!
• Start by ordering her to do small tasks – get you a drink, fluff up the pillows, give you a foot massage.
• Don’t ask, order. Make it clear you are the boss and she is not to misbehave or she’ll be punished (spank her with the wooden spoon or back of the hairbrush.)
• Once you’re both nicely in character, order her to sit or lie down, face turned away from you, blindfold her and tie her hands behind her back.
• Push her forward into a submissive position. She’s now naked, bound and blindfolded – completely at your mercy!
• Grab your wooden spoon or brush and administer a few short, sharp whacks on her bottom – even better if she begs you to stop.
• Start caressing and stroking her bottom, her breasts, the back of her thighs and bottom. Reach in between her legs and gently stroke her until she’s moaning for more then…stop.
• Tell her it’s up to you to decide what she gets and when – and she has to satisfy you first.
• Turn her around and order her to do whatever you’d like, to whatever bits you fancy. She can use her tongue, untie her hands if you want her to use them but keep the blindfold on.
• No matter how pleasurable, punctuate her stimulation of you by pushing her away when she seems to be enjoying doing it. Grab her hair, pull it back tightly and tell her she’s been a bad girl. Administer a few more smacks on her bottom with the spoon.
• Tease her: start to give her oral, then stop. Use your fingers, then stop when she’s enjoying it too much.
• If you’re both into talking dirty, keep a running commentary on what’s happening. If she’s blindfolded, paint a picture of what you’re seeing: ‘Look at you, you’re begging for it. I bet you’d love to be set free. But you’re my slave, you must do every single thing I want you to. Do you understand me? Are you going to behave?…..’
• The fantasy ends by you announcing (dramatically) that she’s now free from her slavery – to service you.

BEING KIDNAPPED BY ALIENS 

My husband thinks this one is seriously bonkers but it’s actually quite a popular fantasy.

Why it appeals: Being kidnapped by (friendly) aliens and taken aboard their ship is an adventure fantasy lots of people indulge in. It’s not too much of a leap to imagine having to explain to the creatures from outer space how a human’s sexual system works.

This is also a safe fantasy to share with a partner, if you’re concerned they’ll get offended by something that’s not entirely ‘woke’. Not too many people will be outraged if you suggest this one: it’s got a playful, innocent quality about it.

What you’ll need to act it out: Let’s assume you’ve opted to be the person from outer space. Since we don’t know what aliens look like (yes, I know, just go along with it), the look you want to adopt is totally up to you! A head-to-toe-black Steve-Jobs style number would lend an authoritative air of anonymity; a simple white dress could also present that ‘blank slate’ vibe you’re after.

The action plan:

• Clear a space in a room, so you can pretend you’re on a spacecraft. Decide on your character: Will you be a friendly alien, bursting with curiosity and personality? Or an abrupt, robot like version?
• Explain to the ‘human’ that you need to understand everything there is to know about the human race. You know a lot about how they function and that they have sex for procreation. But you know nothing about the pleasure they derive from it. Your race populates without using their bodies and sexual pleasure is (literally) alien to you. You want to understand how it works. Will they show you?
• The earthling must instruct you, very specifically, on what human erogenous zones are and how to touch each of them to arouse. You’ve never seen a human have sex before, never seen one naked, so every single thing is new to you.
• Start at the top and work down, pointing at the body part you want the human to explain. Get them to tell you what it is first and then ask them to touch themselves to show how to stimulate each part.
• Ask as many questions as you can come up with: Does this feel good? Why does it feel good?
• Ask if you can also touch the area, mimicking whatever the human has demonstrated. (A great way to find out how your partner wants to be touched, by the way!) How does it feel? Should you go faster/slower/harder/softer?
• Finally, ask them to tell you how they make themselves orgasm. You can either finish the role-play by letting them masturbate to climax for you, to illustrate the process. Or get them to instruct you, stroke by stroke or lick by lick, until they orgasm.

Check out traceycox.com to find Tracey’s podcast, products, blog and books. Her Tracey Cox product ranges are available from lovehoney.