This is how we do it: ‘We wondered if sex would be difficult at our old age, but it was great’
Ella, 75
Richard was interested in a sex life, so I decided to try it – and it turned out really great
I met Richard when I was sixty, and I was just looking for friendship. My first two marriages had not been satisfying at all – I discovered that both my husbands had cheated on me, which had a major impact on my relationship with sex. I had never even had good sex because they only wanted to please themselves and didn’t think about me.
But Richard was interested in a sex life, so I decided to give it a try – and it turned out great.
Before we lived together, I would go to his house three nights a week and we would have sex at least three times. It was very exciting, but after a few months I started developing urinary tract infections (UTIs). They happened so often that we noticed the pattern and realized it was sex.
We tried all kinds of condoms, went to countless doctors, but nothing seemed to stop them. I started taking antibiotics, which would ease the symptoms for a while, but I knew it would come as soon as we had sex again. The urinary tract infections were burning and it was so frustrating to have to go to the toilet all the time.
It was disheartening. It got to the point where we thought we had to stop having penetrative sex. I had found sexual satisfaction after so many years, and I was afraid of losing it, knowing how much we would both miss sex. But I was about to give up and accept that the sexual part of my life was over.
One day Richard thought about trying povidone iodine, an antiseptic used for skin disinfection. He had been a surgeon before he retired, so thought this iodine, which he used in surgery, might reduce bacteria in the vagina. So now, before we have sex, he smears it all over me and on his penis, and with his fingers he smears it over my vulva and into my vagina. We wait a few minutes, then we have sex normally, and it has drastically reduced the urinary tract infections.
It really is a huge relief. We can continue having wonderful sex. We are still as enthusiastic about each other as we were 15 years ago.
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Richard, 82
We reached the point of despair. I was so afraid of her
When we met, Ella had not been sexually active for years, so we had discussions about whether sex would be difficult in our old age due to lubrication issues or body shame. We came to the conclusion that the only way to find out was to keep an open mind and try. And it was great.
We had intercourse about three times a week, but then Ella started developing urinary tract infections (UTIs) a few months into our relationship. We tried all the different methods we could, and in the end she went for multiple urine samples and urinary tract ultrasounds. We reached the point of despair. I was so afraid of her. As a doctor, I knew that urinary tract infections could become serious.
We had discussions about whether we should stop having sex, or just do mutual masturbation. But we both really wanted to continue having a normal, healthy sex life, so we decided that instead of giving up sex, we would reduce the number of times we were together. I was also convinced that no matter what happened, we would continue to live a happy life together.
For two or three years we tried all these different ideas, but they didn’t seem to work. One day I thought about how in the operating room we would paint the skin with an iodine solution and wait a few minutes to kill the bacteria before making an incision. I thought we could reduce the number of bacteria in the vagina and around the opening to the urethra by using povidone-iodine.
We started incorporating the iodine into our foreplay. We have been doing this for about nine years now and it seems to be controlling the urinary tract infections. We’re so happy that this seems to be working.
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