The longevity holiday: why bar holidays are out and extreme wellness holidays are in

Name: Holidays with a long life.

Age: New, but hopefully I’m getting older.

When? When I die.

Eh? It will become clear. Anyway, I’m going on vacation.

Sweet. Club 18-30is the? Actually, Club 18-30 no longer exists. Anyway, I’m thinking more like 90-120, if you know what I mean.

Not really. Do you go bar hopping in Magaluf? Certainly not.

Is it a trip to Vegas? World capital of debauchery. What happens there, stays there, you know. No!

Hedonism on Ibiza? No, it’s 2024, not the 1990s! The debauchery is over, darling.

Oh. So where are you going? On a lifelong vacation.

A long vacation? No, a lifelong vacation.

Right. What is that? Part of a growing trend for wellness tourism.

Oh, the W-word, that’s what this is about. What do you do during a longevity holiday? Well, I’m going to the Four Seasons Resort Maui in Hawaii, where I’ll have the lifetime protocol.

Which one is? “A multifaceted approach that optimizes your body’s natural healing mechanisms and balance.” It includes “cutting-edge therapies such as ozone, stem cells, exosomes and NAD+”.

I don’t know what all that is, but it sounds fun. Just put me down for one – you have a traveling companion! Awesome! Just one thing: it costs £35,351.

Oh. You could just have a little bit of it ozone therapywhere they take some of your blood, dissolve ozone in it and then put it back.

How many? It costs £964. Or there is the cranial release technique, where a chiropractor “works to restore proper functioning of the nervous system and proper balance to the body structure”, for just £225. But this is only a very luxurious resort; wellness tourism is spreading all over the world. The Global Wellness Institute expects the market to reach $1 trillion (£800 billion) in sales this year.

Something for the less wealthy? For a few hundred pounds you can get a biological age test.

Or I just look at my passport. Biological age, not chronological. It’s about the speed at which you physically age.

I feel quite old. But I think that’s because, everywhere I look, people are obsessedwith a long lifespan. What to do say doctors? “There is no proven treatment that would extend the life of someone who is already healthy,” said Dr. Mark Loafman, a primary care physician in Chicago. the Wall Street Journal. “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”

Say: “On second thought, I’m just going to eat healthy, run on the beach and swim in the sea.”

Don’t say: “Party like it’s 1999!”