A woman has been flooded with empathy after revealing she was considering leaving her husband of eight years – because he wants to move in with his demented mother.
The anonymous woman, believed to live in the US, went to a Reddit forum to ask if she was wrong for wanting to leave her ‘devastated’ husband behind when he took his sick mother into the house.
The woman, who along with her husband is in her early 20s, explained that her partner’s 68-year-old mother had been diagnosed with dementia after showing signs for two years.
But she remains conflicted about what to do after her brother was “disappointed” by her idea, and her parents told her she was “unreasonable” to think in such a way.
People have flooded the post with an overwhelming amount of understanding, with many recommending that the mother be placed in an assisted care facility.
A woman, believed to be from the US, has been left torn after her husband said he wanted to move in with his mother who has dementia (stock image)
The woman is considering leaving her husband after eight years because she does not want to put her life on hold for potentially twenty years. She doesn’t believe he can balance loving both equally and that their relationship would ‘rightfully’ take a backseat
On Reddit, the woman explained that she doesn’t want her sick mother-in-law to live in their home, even though the older woman “doesn’t have much to her name.”
She expressed fears that this could negatively impact her future plans for children, with her relationship with her own husband potentially shifting to “an afterthought.”
The woman told Reddit users that she didn’t feel like putting her life on hold for potentially 20 years because her mother-in-law has no other health complications.
She also revealed to her brother that she would also put her parents in a nursing home if they were in a similar situation to her husband’s.
The woman clarified: ‘Although I was harsh, I did not sign up to share a house with either of our parents
‘I want to have children someday. Raising a child while living with someone with dementia sounds like hell.’
According to the poster, she has come to the conclusion that situations like hers and her partner’s “barely work out” after joining numerous support groups and forums on the subject.
Her husband begged her not to go through with her idea, stating that they could persevere. However, his position on caring for his mother remains the same.
She received mountains of sympathy and advice when she shared that her brother and parents were against her thought process. Her husband also begged her not to carry out her plan to leave
He is unwilling to put his mother in a nursing home, and if he were to take the unlikely step, the woman says it would be a private facility and could also become a “major financial commitment.”
She explained that she did not want to appear “jealous” or “petty” because of her wishes, as she claimed to be unable to keep up with the sick mother-in-law.
While her own parents have told her that she has made a promise to her husband, the woman is left unsure whether to cut ties, stay with the man she loves or put her life on hold.
She added: “He will exhaust himself trying to love us both equally. It’s just not possible for him.’
Reddit took to the comments section to offer their support and guidance, with many sharing their own experiences.
One person commented: ‘Dementia is HELL on earth for the patient and caregivers. Hell.
“Anyone who calls you an AH hasn’t had to deal with the whole hellish landscape that is dementia.”
Another shared his own experience, adding: ‘Sundowning is horrible and patients can become violent. That is not a good environment to raise children in.
‘Especially little children. My grandmother had dementia and suffered terribly.’
One user chimed in: ‘Better or worse doesn’t mean you have to take care of his mother at home.
“It’s okay to set boundaries for yourself, but the choice is really his once you set them.”
One commenter wrote: ‘Been there, done that. Your husband has good intentions, but he has no idea what he’s getting into.
‘My mental health deteriorated to the point of medication and job loss. It’s a no-win situation.’