This can’t be the lap of honour the Sussexes had in mind.
As they land in Colombia on Thursday for their latest non-royal international visit, the Gruesome Twosome seem more rudderless than ever.
Their new chief of staff, veteran public relations expert Josh Kettler, left after just three months.
“The decision to part ways was a mutual one,” a source told People magazine. “Both parties agreed it wasn’t the right fit.”
Really? If the breakup was so amicable, why wouldn’t Kettler have stayed long enough to see them through this foreign trip, instead of leaving a few days earlier?
Kettler, we heard in May, was hired to “guide Harry through his next phase.”
But now he is one of at least 18 Sussex staff who have quit their jobs since 2018. He is the newest member of the ‘Sussex Survivors Club’, as some of these refugees call themselves.
This can’t be the lap of honour the Sussexes had in mind.
The Gruesome Twosome seem more rudderless than ever. Their newly hired chief of staff, veteran public relations expert Josh Kettler (pictured), has left after just three months on the job.
This story follows the words of Samantha Cohen, a senior courtier of the Queen who was a favourite of the late Queen for two decades, who told the Herald Sun in April that she couldn’t leave Meghan soon enough.
“I was only supposed to stay for six months, but I stayed 18,” Cohen said. “We couldn’t find a replacement for me, and when we did, we took them on a tour to Africa with Harry and Meghan to teach them the ropes, but they left — while they were in Africa.”
Cohen also confirmed that she was among several staff members questioned during a palace investigation into bullying allegations against Meghan, which were denied and described at the time by a spokesperson for the Sussexes as a “calculated smear campaign.”
“Perhaps most telling,” one former employee told the Mail this week, “is that in all the time I worked there, I never heard a single current or former employee say they would take the job again if given the chance.”
“These are not employees that they just picked up off the street,” the ex-employee continued. “Many of them are people who have excelled previously in their work for demanding bosses in high-performance companies and environments.”
One can only wonder why these professionals were getting emails and tantrums at 5am.
Or the delusions they had to carefully stamp out, like Harry’s reported grand plan to interview Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin about their issues with their fathers.
But of course, we can’t repeat the Duchess’s favorite motto enough: be kind, everyone!
And now the Sussexes are heading to a country with one of the highest murder rates in the world — but the UK is too dangerous for them! — to talk to “leaders, young people and women who embody the voices and aspirations of Colombians committed to progress,” according to Vice President Francia Marquez.
Sounds specific, tangible, goal-oriented and actionable, right?
Harry and Meghan are also expected to discuss their newest initiative, The Parents’ Network, which they launched nearly two weeks ago on “CBS Sunday Morning.”
Meghan was filmed with parents who lost their children to suicide due to cyberbullying. Yes, the same two people who claimed the royals were racist while Prince Philip was dying are anti-bullying. Meghan expressed surprise when journalist Jane Pauley asked her about her own suicidal thoughts, as previously revealed to Oprah Winfrey and a global audience of 17 million.
“I’m beating around the bush,” Pauley said, “because I can see you’re uncomfortable with me going there.”
“I didn’t expect it,” Meghan replied. “But I can see why you would expect it.”
She didn’t expect it? Meghan and Harry are launching a suicide awareness initiative based in part on her self-reported experience, and she didn’t expect it?
This story follows the words of Samantha Cohen (centre, back), a senior courtier of the Queen who was a favourite of the late Queen for two decades, who told the Herald Sun in April that she couldn’t leave Meghan soon enough.
Then came the inevitable word salad, with no specifics. Meghan claimed to be open about her own experiences, serving those less fortunate, while offering nothing.
“If you’ve been through any level of pain or trauma,” she said, “I believe that part of our healing journey — and certainly part of mine — is to be able to really be open about it. And you know, I haven’t really scratched the surface of my experience. But I do think that I would never want anyone else to feel that way. And I would never want anyone else to make those kinds of plans. And I would never want anyone else to be disbelieved.”
Not to be believed.
As always, it all comes down to our Duchess, who continually gives us reasons not to believe it.
Such as: her much-hyped launch of American Riviera Orchard, her lifestyle brand, in March, just days before she and the world discovered the truth about Kate Middleton’s cancer.
As the outcry over Kate’s health problems grew and Prince Charles announced he himself had cancer, Meghan began promoting her jam and dog biscuits on social media.
Sadly, many months later, there are still reports of amateurish trademark issues and no products for sale, just a blank, airy homepage with an invitation to join the waiting list.
Among the other promised ARO deals: Meghan’s new Netflix series, based on “cooking and friendship” — haha! — has already been filmed, but won’t premiere until sometime in 2025.
Since then, rumors have been circulating that Netflix may take over the production and sales of ARO merchandise after Meghan’s unsuccessful attempt to appoint a CEO.
Then there’s Meghan’s revamped podcast, which was picked up by Lemonada after being canceled by Spotify and for unknown reasons postponed until next year.
Meanwhile, Harry’s only recent accomplishment was receiving the Pat Tillman Award for Service at the ESPYs, which drew much negative feedback.
Tillman was an NFL star who gave up his $3.6 million contract to enlist after 9/11. He was killed by friendly fire in Afghanistan and is rightly regarded as an American hero. Tillman’s mother, Mary, was furious.
“There are recipients who are far more appropriate,” she told the Mail. “These individuals do not have the money, the resources, the connections or the privileges that Prince Harry has.”
That’s what Brand Sussex is like: all self-glorification, no substance, starting over and over again, but with no results.
Their rebranding is like the buffer icon on your computer, endlessly trying to close the loop, end your suffering, and take you somewhere else.
And as for the Hollywood stars they were surely hoping would embrace them warmly, well, Harry and Meghan have been increasingly shut out.
They’ve been almost nowhere: not the Superbowl, not the Oscars or their afterparties, not the Met Gala or the Olympics. Oprah is gone.
As always, it all comes down to our Duchess, who continues to give us plenty of reasons not to believe it. Like: Her much-hyped launch of American Riviera Orchard, her lifestyle brand, in March, days before she and the world learned the truth about Kate Middleton’s cancer.
Gwyneth — undoubtedly Meghan’s ultimate role model — posted an encouraging message on social media for Kate Middleton in June, but managed to avoid being photographed with Meghan a few weeks ago in the Hamptons, where they were both attending a summit for female entrepreneurs.
Meghan’s 43rd birthday – on August 4 – came and went without any significant public displays of support or celebration.
It begs the question: what do Harry and Meghan do all day?
Short excursions to countries in difficulty, which the late Queen made clear they were not supposed to make, do not help.
One trip they won’t be making this week is to the United Kingdom for the funeral of Harry’s maternal uncle, Lord Robert Fellowes, to whom Harry was close.
Instead, Colombia waits, employees flee and projects stand still – while we wait for Meghan to teach us how to perfect our homes, hearths and friendships.
2025 will be their year, right?