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A leading relationship coach has listed the six worrying ‘traps’ men and women find themselves in, warning singles that dating ‘isn’t all it seems’ in 2023.
Louanne Ward, a certified master matchmaker and dating expert from Perth, said the rules of modern dating are changing faster than you can keep up with and now it’s “more confusing than ever.”
But there are six key pitfalls Australians need to navigate if they want a long and fruitful relationship to blossom this year.
These include texts, situations, singles, hopeful entanglements, convalescences, and xenolations.
“Spotting the early warning signs of an unhealthy relationship can be daunting as you’re caught up in hope and the promise of what could be…these are the hidden pitfalls and big pitfalls to avoid,” Louanne said.
Louanne Ward, a certified master matchmaker and dating expert from Perth, said the rules of modern dating are changing faster than you can keep up with and are now “more confusing than ever.”
1. Texting: You’re in a Pen Pal Relationship
A text relationship is essentially a phone-based relationship.
It’s true that most relationships these days start online, but a text relationship is fundamentally different because the relationship is unlikely to progress beyond the texting phase.
That means you could waste years intoxicated by a fantasy that will never come true and miss out on your real-life fairy tale.
The three easy ways to get out of one are to have a time limit on the first meeting, spend less time texting than talking, and not accepting false promises without actions.
It’s true that most relationships these days start online, but a text relationship is fundamentally different because the relationship is unlikely to progress beyond the texting phase.
2. Situation: seeing someone but not defining the relationship, keeping options open
Simply put, a situation is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship with benefits.
As you know, this can be incredibly confusing and often leaves you wondering things like: ‘Where am I standing?’ ‘What are we?’ ‘What are your intentions?’
So what draws people into a situation?
As a society, our views on relationships have changed. More and more people are abandoning old traditions like marriage, and many of them are eager to explore relationships in a less structured way.
Instead of succumbing to the pressures of commitments, people have focused more on personal fulfillment.
3. Single: in a relationship with independence
Unlike the previous cheats, this one is completely focused on you. There is no one else to blame, and there is no room for speculation.
We all know a bachelor who doesn’t want to settle down or a friend who loves their career more than anything, and there’s nothing wrong with that!
Although such choices are rare, they are not inherently bad. The problem is that even with the big promotions, wild vacations, and crazy adventures, at some point you can start to feel like something is missing.
Being independent and choosing to be single for a period of time is a healthy way to discover who you are and what you want.
The truth is that it all comes down to balance, like everything in life. Sure, you have to pursue your aspirations and desires, but at the end of the day, we’re made for love, and the longer you’re in a relationship solely with yourself as the only key player, the less likely you are to let someone else in. .
How you live your life is entirely up to you, however a single ship can only sail so far before it needs a crew member to share the voyage with. Human connection and relationships have long been associated with quality of life and life expectancy.
Zenolation: Xeno means strange, different, alien, you have no idea who you two are but it sounds like you might be getting into something super special or maybe not.
4. Hopeful Entanglement: You are seeing someone who is in a relationship with someone else
Romantic entanglements have to do with love triangles and affairs.
Besides the obvious implications of a romantic entanglement, they can be detrimental to your mental health.
In fact, confusion, guilt, divided love, constant pressure, and loneliness are common emotional responses to being involved. These are all understandable answers.
So if you’re wondering what to do if you’re currently in an entanglement, be sure to take a look at where you fall and the role it plays in your life.
Ultimately, there are two types of romantic entanglements: the ‘Competitive’ and the ‘Love Dilemma’.
There are two people in a competitive love triangle, and both are trying to gain the third person’s full attention. While one’s feelings are torn between two suitors in a love dilemma.
It should come as no surprise that a relationship built on lies is bound to cause pain. You wouldn’t believe how many people are caught up in some kind of romantic entanglement though.
5. Convalescence: you stay in a relationship because it is very difficult to leave it
Simply put, a convalescence is a practical relationship where you simply stay for reasons other than love. It could be the security it provides, be it psychological, financial, or even physical. It could be for family or parenting reasons or religious beliefs. Whether many people care to admit it or not, the vast majority of people have stayed in a relationship longer than we should, simply because it was easier than walking away.
Relationships based on love arguably also provide the same security and comfort, so how can you tell the difference between the two?
Ultimately, couples in love truly look forward to spending time together, while couples who are only together for practical reasons often have completely separate lifestyles, making their time together miserable for both of them. Sadly, when they’re apart, they’re relieved and don’t think much (if at all) of each other.
Love, however, is deceitful and its manifestations take many forms.
6. Xenolation: You’re stuck somewhere between the friend zone and first base. The other person is giving you all the positive signals but not taking things to the next level.
It should not be confused with a situation, the friendzone or a friends with benefits. This relationship can be the most confusing of all.
Xeno means strange, different, alien, you have no idea who you two are but it sounds like you might be getting into something super special or maybe not.
Usually this happens when you have fallen in love with someone who suddenly seems interested.
It’s often someone out of your league or not your normal type.
The only way to get out of the xenolation is to confront the other person with a confession of your feelings. Developing ongoing feelings and creating a fantasy around a person who doesn’t return your feelings has exactly the same effect as any anxiety.
The longer you stay in a xenolation, the harder it is to break away from it and the deeper your feelings become.