Every year, Wimbledon fans ask themselves the same questions. Why are strawberries so expensive? How long is the grass on Center Court? And how on earth does Andrew Castle keep his job?
Somehow, the former world number 80 has become the BBC’s leading tennis commentator. No one really knows why, it just happened, like five sets suddenly became three sets in men’s doubles.
On Sunday, the disastrous Castle led the broadcast team of Tim Henman and Todd Woodbridge in coverage of what Annabel Croft so rightly calls the Gentlemen’s Singles Final. And while Novak Djokovic and Carlos Alcaraz hit it off on court, he wasted no time proving why he inspires millions of viewers every year – to reach for the mute button.
“If you just get excited, this isn’t a computer game,” he chirped early in the game. Not funny! “It’s rare to win a grand slam before you reach the age of 21, it’s happened a number of times,” he later said. Confusing!
“You only get one point for each of those points,” he loftily informed us at one point. Totally baffling, like so many of his comments. To be honest, I got completely lost between the various explanations for why the Center Court crowd jeered and/or cheered Djokovic as the match progressed.
“I’m not sure we all can understand the frustration,” he cooed sympathetically; a double negation of utter nonsense to excuse Djokovic sticking his racket in the net post the way a madman tries to fell an oak tree with a single blow
It’s understandable how upset he would be, he just lost his serve in the fifth set
“He seems mildly offended by the support his opponent is receiving,” we were told. But was he? “No, he’d hate it if we all cheered for him.” But would he? “He will now enjoy this match.” But why? “Because this isn’t exactly an audience that doesn’t like the champion.”
I wasn’t the only one confused.
“Whoever is the clown in that commentator box should just say nothing,” Australian tennis player Nick Kyrgios tweeted. “He ruins the game badly.”
And was it my imagination, or was there a general pitter-patter of light patronizing when it came to discussing Carlos Alcaraz? Leading up to the game, Clare Balding interviewed Henman and Woodbridge and these wise minds all agreed that ‘no senior player thinks Alcaraz can win this game’.
In the box during the match, the 20-year-old was variously described as ‘the young Spaniard’; ‘this talented Spaniard’; and the ‘elastic’ Spaniard. When he triumphed in a thrilling volley, it was ‘the Spaniard’s winning stroke’.
It was striking that no one called Djokovic the ‘old Serb’, ‘the grumpy Serb’ or the ‘flexible Serb’, even though there was a good reason for doing so. Indeed, Castle’s increasingly raspy support for Djokovic didn’t waver throughout the five-hour match; not if the player was in a bad mood, not if he was grumpy, not even if he lost.
“No one beats Djokovic for stamina,” he foamed, in a fanboy burst of adoration. “He’s just venting a little bit,” he explained coolly, as the enraged Djokovic was screeching about something or other.
“I’m not sure we all can understand the frustration,” he cooed sympathetically; a double negation of utter nonsense to excuse Djokovic sticking his racket into the net post in the manner of a madman trying to fell an oak with a single blow.
Every year, Wimbledon fans ask themselves the same questions. Why are strawberries so expensive? How long is the grass on Center Court? And how on earth does Andrew Castle keep his job?
Spain’s Carlos Alcaraz hits a backhand against Serbia’s Novak Djokovic in the men’s singles final
Djokovic reaches for a backhand shot against Alcaraz
The moment of pure joy as the 20-year-old Spaniard celebrates his victory
Alcaraz gestures to the crowd during his Wimbledon final against Djokovic
It’s understandable how upset he would be, he just lost his serve in the fifth set.
At his side, All England Club company man Tim Henman wasn’t much better. “Let’s move on,” he said, ending further discussion of the axeman’s moment.
And when Djokovic took a long toilet break, he was there to fill us in on Wimbledon’s plumbing. “Each player has their own waiting room and bathroom,” he boomed. Four-layer or quilted? I do not want to know. If Andrew Castle is bad in the action, he’s even worse in the downtimes, filling match breaks with the kind of absurd talk that sometimes slips into the backseat of bad taste. It has no filter!
He went on to talk about how his colleague Annabel Croft lost her husband earlier this year and the memorial service is on Thursday and how Prince Louis wasn’t in the royal box with his family because he couldn’t be trusted to behave properly. At one point in the beginning, when Alcaraz had yet to win a game, the cameras hovered over the luscious Brad Pitt in the crowd.
“How does he look at 59 years old?” said Andrew. There are a lot of times like this where you wonder if he’s commenting professionally or just thinking out loud.
What was inexcusable was that even in his moment of ultimate triumph, Castle couldn’t throw a bone at the underdog. Poor Carlos Alcaraz was still the secondary citizen, still only mentioned in terms of Djokovic’s loss rather than his own victory.
“He has beaten the best of all time, he has beaten the man who is virtually invincible on this field,” he babbled, adding: “This victory certainly does not detract from Djokovic.”
But actually, Andrew, it did. He came in second. He lost.
“He’s coming back,” the commentator insisted.
Maybe. But will he? Fingers crossed.