JAN MOIR: If Madonna looks in the mirror and likes what she sees, surely that’s all that matters.

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Following criticism of her Grammy appearance, Madonna is angry that everyone thinks she looks like an alien and has accused critics of ageism, sexism, misogyny and simply not getting it the way she wants. Bitch, she’s Madonna.

‘The world is threatened by my power and my resistance. My intelligence and my will to survive,” she said, as if she had just crawled out of a building destroyed in the earthquake in Turkey, brushing concrete dust from her cleavage instead of returning from the clinic to smooth her skin after having been injected with koala. placenta, or whatever it does to stay as smooth and wrinkle-free as a peeled dinosaur egg.

Then she had a good old moan on Instagram about “a world that refuses to celebrate women over 45” and a culture that “feels the need to punish” women if they continue to be “strong, hard-working, and adventurous.” ‘.

Excuse me. That was about five minutes after Bonnie Raitt, 73, won the Grammy for Song of the Year at the same ceremony, along with two other Grammys for her new album, which seems to negate that argument.

Or power it? By refusing or forgetting to celebrate Raitt’s victory, Madonna was doing exactly the same thing she accused others of; treat older women as irrelevant leftovers.

Following criticism for her Grammy appearance, Madonna is angry that everyone thinks she looks like an alien

By refusing or forgetting to celebrate Raitt’s victory, Madonna was doing exactly the same thing she accused others of; treating older women as irrelevant leftovers

Maybe she was too busy praising gender warriors Sam Smith (non-binary) and Kim Petras (trans woman) for making Grammy history by performing at the event, while ignoring Raitt’s triumph as the oldest woman in history. from the Grammys to win Song of the Year. grant.

This irony is not lost on me. And maybe not Bonnie either, whose first rodeo this is not. In an illustrious career spanning half a century, she’s won 13 Grammy Awards and sold millions of records, but after beating out Harry Styles and Taylor Swift and being passed over by Madonna, she was described online as “an unknown blues singer.” She must have thought to herself: why am I bothering?

Oh, the young can be so cruel, can’t they? Very, very cruel and relentless. “Madonna looks like a masked singer costume called Outer Spacey,” someone said online, while others changed the lyrics of her hit from Like A Virgin to Like A Surgeon.

But whether you think she looks beautiful and brave or ridiculous and sad, what’s the alternative for a woman like Madonna?

Perhaps the unretouched reality is a worse show, for who among us can tell whether the embellishments are an improvement on the original or not?

The journey from sex goddess to old lady must be a difficult one to negotiate, while the aging process is often particularly harrowing for those who, like Madonna, were celebrated for their beauty and sex appeal in their prime. And honestly, does it really look that bad?

If Madonna looks in the mirror and feels good about herself and what she sees, surely that’s all that matters. Well, not quite. The 64-year-old has made a secondary career of being a controversialist and anyone who strives to surprise has an unhealthy reliance on the opinions of others. This is why she is so angry with the criticism and the general negative reaction to his appearance. That’s why she can’t see Bonnie Raitt, standing right in front of her.

In a way, the two women are a perfect example of nature versus nurture, of Bonnie versus Not Bonnie, of before and after procedures and cosmetic touch-ups. They represent the should or shouldn’t, the pros and cons of cheek tense against laugh line, the difference between a life spent looking blithely out and one spent obsessively looking in.

Whether you think she looks beautiful and brave or ridiculous and sad, what is the alternative for a woman like Madonna?

These two women are a living lesson for all of us. There’s not even a decade of age difference between them, but Bonnie and Madonna seem to come from different planets; one from Planet Aging Gracefully and the other from Planet Stretched Balloon.

‘Camera lenses are distorting!’ Madonna affirmed, by way of excuse. Well, she had never said that before, not even when she had them mercilessly trained on her underbelly back in the days of the sex books.

Madonna will always be a hero to me, though now just for showing the world the dangers of a long-term devotion to injectables and supposedly invasive facial enhancements. The kind of beauty journey that starts off well, but invariably leads to a bad place in a bad world.

Just ask Bonnie.

Do all men envy DiCaprio?

One person who won’t ask Madonna or Bonnie Raitt to be their Valentine is Leonardo DiCaprio. The 48-year-old actor ages every year, but his girlfriends are the same age.

According to painstakingly compiled charts, over the past two decades Leo has been in relationships with eight women, with an average age of 22.9 years.

His last girlfriend, Argentine model Camila Morrone, pictured here, had just turned 25 when they broke up. Now DiCaprio has been forced to deny that he is in a relationship with Israeli model Eden Polani, who is only 19 years old.

Still, I wonder how many men would never settle down and only date gorgeous models in their early 20s if given the chance. Just all of them, maybe.

The 48-year-old actor (Leonardo DiCaprio) ages every year, but his girlfriends stay the same age

There is so much deep concern surrounding the Nicola Bulley case. Not just the continued and unexplained disappearance of this woman, but the public reaction to the ongoing tragedy, including the demand to be informed and even entertained, preferably with new updates every hour, as if we were all watching a crime drama instead of a desperate search in real life.

One particularly worrying development has been the way in which public trust in the police appears to have hit an all-time low.

On Wednesday night, Lancashire police arrested a search party that had been tasked with looking for the missing woman in an abandoned house near the river. What did they think they were doing? Participate in an episode of Scooby-Doo? Vigilantes were given a dispersal order and told to leave, while police had to issue a warning urging the public not to ‘take the law into their own hands’.

Has it really come to this? It’s bad enough that tourists from the tragedy flock to the riverbank to take selfies at the spot where Nicola’s phone was found. Worse yet, they seem better equipped than the police to take part in the hunt.

Yes, Lancashire Police appear to have made some strange decisions, including immediately ruling out foul play and not sealing off the riverbank area. But maybe they know something we don’t. In the meantime, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and pray that all the idiots hindering the search find something better to do with their time.

Jan Moir said: “A particularly worrying development has been the way in which public trust in the police appears to have hit an all-time low.”

The Duke of Sussex hoped to be the guest host of Saturday Night Live, the famous sketch show that airs weekly on NBC in the United States. Apparently he was “really serious about doing it” before talks stalled at the last minute, it has been claimed.

One wonders what the obstacles were. Money? Or a real belated reluctance to be a figure of fun? Whatever.

But Harry couldn’t have made a bigger fool of himself than his wife, when she participated in a prank on The Ellen Show in 2021; squatting and making chicken noises in the name of entertainment.

One wonders what the future holds for this pair of selfish outlaws.

Could a season as guest judges on America’s Got Talent be far away? That’s a no from me, Simon.

On a visit to a London mosque, King Charles took off his shoes, only to reveal a hole in one of his socks.

Holy horrors, how humiliating. Where’s the king’s army of seamstresses, back-stair darners, ceremonial thread bearers, private safety-pin keepers, darning implement knights, and royal seamstresses when you need them? out of sight

I like to think that Queen Consort Camilla saw the offending item that morning and tried to alert the king of his impending embarrassment.

‘Of course there’s a blind hole in my sock, woman. How else could I put my foot in this, was her irritable response.

And the rest is history.

On a visit to a London mosque, King Charles took off his shoes, only to reveal a hole in one of his socks.

I try to be positive, I try to think highly of him, but is there an official situation where Rishi Sunak doesn’t look and sound ridiculous? Laughing and wearing a helmet next to President Zelensky was a new low. Doesn’t the Prime Minister have any common sense?

Whether prancing around with world leaders or crossing swords with Keir Starmer on Question Time, Sunak always presents himself as the director of vibes at an organic knitwear company. He’s so unconvincing: a widget cake. He may mean well, but there’s something Richard Branson about him. And that’s not good. Absolutely.

Is there an official situation where Rishi Sunak doesn’t look and sound ridiculous? Laughing and wearing a helmet next to President Zelensky was a new low

We have to say goodbye to the floral midaxi afternoon dress, which fashion insiders have now relegated to the frump dustbin. Has anyone told M&S? His stores are still packed with them, all in horrible colors with horrible prints that go perfectly together.

His demise doesn’t come too soon. Evening dresses had their uses, but they made most of us look like truckers on a date with a jam scone. When I say ‘most of us’ I mean ‘me’. So I won’t shed a tear if these horrors are gone forever.

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