A father-of-two has sparked heated debate after telling his daughter she was a “disappointment” after having a child at 18.
The unnamed man, believed to be based in the US, took to Reddit’s popular Am I The A**hole (AITA) subreddit to reveal the details of the family feud.
He said he urged his teenage daughter to have an abortion after finding out she was pregnant, but was “very upset” when she refused.
And other social media users remained bitterly divided over the revelation, as they rushed to share their own views on the matter.
A father-of-two has sparked heated debate after telling his daughter she was a ‘disappointment’ after having an 18-year-old child (stock image)
In the post, titled ‘AITA for telling my daughter she’s a disappointment?’, the man set the tone by revealing that he has two daughters – aged 23 and 20 – who are ‘both beautiful and smart’ .
He said he did ‘I always wanted them to be strong, independent women who could stand on their own two feet and that’s how I tried to raise them.’
But the father-of-two revealed: ‘My eldest daughter stopped playing sports and school when she became pregnant at the age of 18.
‘When she first told us she was pregnant, I was very upset and advised her to have an abortion because having a child at such a young age would disrupt her life.
‘She did not want to have an abortion and my wife supported her decision.
“To be honest, at the time I was very insistent that she have an abortion, but when I saw her continued determination, I dropped the issue and fully supported her, even if I didn’t want to.”
He continued, “She quickly married the baby’s father. Then she decided to stay home and take care of her child, and her husband went to work.
‘I never wanted my daughter to be financially dependent on her husband, but I never expressed that either. But of course my daughter knows that this bothers me.
He said he urged his teenage daughter to have an abortion after finding out she was pregnant, but was disappointed when she refused
Providing further updates, he clarified: ‘I’m not sorry that my daughter isn’t living the life I want, I’m sorry that she lives dependent on another person, and I can’t say their marriage is going very well’ (stock image)
‘Yesterday we were having dinner with my daughters and my wife. My wife and daughter started talking about being a mother.
“My wife told her that even though I wanted her to have an abortion, I now love my grandson very much.
“My daughter asked me if he was, and I said, ‘Of course I love him.’ I really love my grandson, but my daughter knew I was bothered by her situation, so it didn’t sound sincere at all.
‘My daughter said I could give an honest answer.
I told her that I loved my grandson very much, but that I was disappointed that she had become a mother at a young age, left school and her job, and was now dependent on a man.
“She didn’t argue with me, but the rest of the evening was a little tense.”
The father concluded: ‘At the end of the evening she went home and my wife got into an argument about what I said.
‘I told her she was the one who wanted an honest answer, but my wife is sure I’m an asshole. My youngest agrees with me, but says I was rude to say it out loud.”
He provided further updates, clarifying, “I’m not sorry that my daughter isn’t living the life I want, I’m sorry that she’s living dependent on another person, and I can’t say their marriage is going very well….
‘I apologized and explained to her that I was more concerned than disappointed, luckily she understood.
I reminded her again that I love her and will always be there for her.
‘My suspicions about their marriage also turned out to be correct. They don’t have a good marriage, her husband has suggested therapy, but she doubts it will work.
“This time I didn’t tell her what to do, I told her I would support her in whatever she does. I told her that if she wants to go back to school or work, my babysitting offer still stands, and if she wants more from me, I always will.”
But even with these clarifications, other users of the discussion forum remained bitterly divided.
In one camp, there were those who labeled him as the guilty party in the situation, as one wrote: “Your daughter is living a good life for herself whether you think so or not.
“You have no right to punish her because she is her own person, instead of the version of her you created in your head.”
Another added: ‘Empathy is real. Imagine if your parents told you they were disappointed in you. Would that be a good feeling? Would that be valuable to you? Would it help? Surprise surprise, no, it feels like sh**. Guess. You made your child feel bad.”
And a third said: ‘Think carefully before you talk to your children. No matter how much you apologize or think you’re right, the one thing she’ll always remember is that she’s a disappointment to you. You can’t change that now.’
But on the other hand, there were those who agreed that they could understand his position.
Someone else said: ‘As parents we all have dreams for our children. We want them to do better than us and to have everything, and it can sometimes be difficult to accept when we see them falling short of the perfect life we have imagined in our minds.
“You’d only be an asshole if it made you treat your child and grandchild differently, refuse to drop them, or in any way not accept your child’s choices – who has the right to want anything different. It doesn’t seem to me that that’s the case here.’
One claimed: ‘It’s completely understandable that you feel this way. And you have a point… That life is not possible if she is financially dependent on her husband.’
Another argued: ‘It may be an unpopular opinion on this sub, but I think parents (especially supportive parents like Op seems to be) should at least have a certain amount of expectations for their children.’