I am a parenting coach – these two words will make your kids listen to you and behave every time

a parenting expert has revealed why “threatening” your children with punishments can lead to unnecessary conflict and put a strain on your relationship.

General Muirfrom Sydney, is a midwifery social worker and parent educator who has worked with over 40,000 parents throughout her career.

As a mother of four Gen has a deep understanding of the challenges modern parents face in raising their children.

Gen herself has fallen victim to the easy threat of taking something away if her sons refuse to listen to her – but such tactics rarely work.

Instead, she recommends the “when” and “then” method, which changes the framing to provide a reward for completing a task.

“Your kid won’t listen to you if you threaten to take his Nintendo every time his room is messy,” she said.

‘Children are not made to cooperate all the time. They’re supposed to push the boundaries and sometimes it’s their way of letting us know they’re having trouble regulating their emotions.”

Gen explained why kids always take threats the wrong way – and what they should do instead.

“If you change your words to say,”If you do this, we can have that’ – it’s more positive, more direct and much more likely to lead to success in your home.’

If your child has done what you want him to do, then he can do what he wants.

For example: ‘when you are dressed, you can play with your toys’ or ‘when your school work is done, you can watch TV’.

Gen added: “The problem with threats is that they pit us against our child, in a constant battle, but ‘when and then’ still sets a boundary and is likely to lead to less resistance.”

Many thanked Gen for her “brilliant” advice and for explaining why their children are misbehaving.

“It’s amazing how a little tweaking can make a world of difference,” said one mother.

“Everything makes so much sense now, thank you,” wrote another.