Experts are increasingly sounding the alarm about a disturbing sex trend known as ‘stealthing’.
The act involves the man removing his condom during intercourse without the knowledge or consent of his partner.
Two 2019 surveys found that 12 percent of women have been victims of stealth and 10 percent of men admitted to “stealing” a partner.
And in 2022, rapper Joe Budden publicly admitted on his podcast to having sex with partners who didn’t know he wasn’t wearing a condom, saying he “pretended I put a condom on earlier.”
Experts say that stealth is practiced not only because men prefer sex without a condom, and that this usually stems from a man’s desire for control and dominance.
Rhiannon John, a sexologist at Bedbible.com, told DailyMail.com: ‘Some people may try to assert dominance or ignore their partner’s autonomy, driven by a sense of entitlement or toxic beliefs about masculinity.
“Others may prioritize their own pleasure or the thrill of risk over the boundaries set within the relationship.
‘In other cases, it can even arise from malicious intent, such as sabotage or reproductive control, where the act is used for manipulation or harm.’
Stealthing is the act of a man removing a condom during intercourse without the knowledge or consent of his partner
Ms John added: ‘Regardless of motivation, stealth is a profound breach of trust and consent, and reflects a fundamental disregard for the emotional, physical and psychological well-being of the victim.’
Jamie Wright, a trial attorney and founder of the Wright Law Firm in California, also told DailyMail.com that stealth “usually stems from selfish desires, control, dominance or lack of respect for the partner” and that the risks are high and consequences devastating .
She said: ‘The risks of stealth are serious. It increases the risk of contracting STDs and the chance of pregnancy is high, which the victims did not agree to.
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‘The psychological damage can also be great. The victims often feel cheated and violated. Some of the effects commonly experienced in the long term include anxiety and depression, as well as difficulty building trust in subsequent relationships.”
The study on stealth among men found that people with greater hostility toward women and a more severe history of sexual aggression “were significantly more likely to engage in non-consensual condom removal.”
In addition, men who were stealthy were also significantly more likely to have ever had a diagnosis of a sexually transmitted infection or to have a partner who had experienced an unplanned pregnancy.
Anonymous students participating in a 2020 study said porn could influence behavior.
One said: ‘I feel like the viewer will see stealth in porn and think, oh it seems okay because the actor is doing it, and if I’m doing sex it’s okay to do the same.’
Research has found that 12 percent of women have been victims of stealth and 10 percent of men admit to stealing a partner
Another added: “Many people will follow what others do or say. Anyone who watches porn and sees that a condom was used and then removed without their partner’s consent will think it’s okay to do the same.”
In recent years, people have called for stealth to be classified as sexual assault or rape.
In 2021, California became the first state to ban stealth, classifying it as sexual battery and making it a civil offense.
The bill’s author, State Assembly member Cristina Garcia, said reports of stealth among women and gay men are increasing and that the practice “causes long-term physical and emotional harm to victims.”
She added that she hoped other states would follow suit with similar laws declaring that “stealing is not only immoral but illegal.”
Bills in Vermont, Maine and Washington would allow stealth victims to take civil action against perpetrators, but stop short of criminalizing the act.
Canada has criminalized stealth, also known as removing condoms without consent, in 2022, and in Britain, stealth is considered rape.
Participants in the 2020 survey said stealth is on par with sexual assault and rape: “Things like rape are against the law. I think this goes hand in hand with stealth because you removed the condom without their consent, without their knowledge.”
Rapper and podcaster Joe Budden admitted that he pretended to put on a condom during sex and didn’t inform his partner
Another said: ‘If you get infected with HIV you are stuck with it for the rest of your life and if you contracted the disease through something like sneaking around I would consider it a crime because either way you are damaging your health. harms the other. ‘
Dozens of women have posted on social media about their experiences with stealth.
One Reddit user said she was stalked by her ‘friend with benefits’ partner. She noticed that he had not worn a condom after their intercourse ended and the man said it had “fallen off,” but the poster later found the condom wrapped in a paper towel in the trash.
She wrote: ‘I called him and told him I would no longer be dealing with him and that I knew what he was doing. He thought it didn’t matter because we never used condoms for oral use [sex] and admitted that he had taken it off… No worries about unwanted pregnancies or anything.”
Another wrote that she insisted a new partner wear a condom during sex and while he pushed back at first, he eventually put one on. However, after a few minutes, the poster wrote that she saw that he was no longer wearing it.
When she confronted him about it, he told her “it fell off.”
While she went to the police to file a report, she was told that “no lawyer would ever take my case because no law had been broken.” The poster did not indicate where she lived at the time of the attack.
Ms Wright told this website: ‘Although there are some laws banning stealth in some areas, many victims do not have the legal protection they need and legal rules need to be strengthened.
To counter stealth and make full use of the legal hand, the focus must be on educating people about consent, standing up for victims and campaigning for stricter laws.”
Similarly, Ms John added: ‘Stealthing remains a legal gray area in many regions, with insufficient laws or policies to tackle it effectively. This leaves many victims without adequate redress or protection and perpetuates the cultural and systemic problems that enable such violations.
“It is clear that a more comprehensive effort is needed to update laws, enforce accountability, and educate communities about consent and sexual autonomy.”
Many posters on social media said their experience with stealth has had a long-term mental and emotional impact on them.
And Ms John said the ‘psychological consequences of stealth can be profound and leave lasting emotional scars.’
She added: ‘Victims may struggle with intense feelings of violation and betrayal as their trust is ignored. This can manifest as shame and guilt, even though the victim is not at fault, as well as anger and rage toward the perpetrator, the situation, or even themselves.
‘For many, the experience can disrupt their sense of security and control, leading to loss of sexual desire or arousal and difficulty initiating intimacy in the future. It can also create or exacerbate fear of vulnerability, making it challenging to build trust or healthy relationships.”