Dear Jane,
My best friend of 14 years is getting married next year and is planning what can only be described as the most over-the-top (and expensive!) ceremony imaginable.
I have to admit I'm a little surprised by some of the plans – the woman is talking about renting live swans! – but I've done my best to support her through it all as her maid of honor, while also stepping in where possible to be a voice of reason.
But when we sat down to plan her bachelorette party, all reason disappeared.
She initially insisted that we take a trip somewhere warm, so I started researching places in the US that might work and came up with what I thought was a great list of suggestions.
But no, she said the trip had to take place outside the US because she wanted a “real vacation” and felt like her bridesmaids and best friends deserved to get away too.
She then told me that she had hired a professional bachelor party planner – for $10,000 I might add – because she wanted all the details to be perfect and didn't want to “burden” me with it.
Dear Jane, My best friend demands that I pay $7,000 for her bachelor party – and told me to take out a loan when I said I couldn't afford the trip
That hurt me a little, but I thought it would take the pressure off me and allow me to relax and just enjoy the experience. I just sat back and waited for the planner's email with the details to come through, which it did this week.
Apparently the bride decided to take a six-day first-class trip Italy, where she plans to stay in two five-star hotels, costing a total of $7,000 per person. SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. I almost blacked out when I saw that song.
Then that shock gave way to panic as I frantically tried to do the calculations in my head and think of a way I could possibly afford it.
But eventually I realized that no matter how much I scrimp and save, it's just not possible for me to spend that kind of money. So I told her that as much as it breaks my heart, I can't go on the trip with her.
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Instead of showing any sympathy or even sadness, she dismissed my explanation and told me to take out a loan. She said it was a one-time thing for her, that she needs me there, and that if I really cared about her, I would find a way. As if taking out a loan is the easiest thing in the world?
She then told me that if I wasn't willing to “just get a loan and make the trip happen,” then she would have to choose someone else to be her maid of honor.
It seems to me like the wedding hoopla has gone to her head and turned her into a bit of a bridezilla – this woman is not the best friend I grew up with.
Any advice on how to get her back to Earth?
By,
Virgin of shame
Dear Virgin of Dishonor,
My favorite part of this letter is when your best friend graciously thought her bridesmaids and best friends deserved a break, and then expected them to pay for it. I believe this is the definition of nerve.
I don't know what circles your best friend runs in, but expecting someone to pay $7,000 for the privilege of a vacation they didn't even choose to take seems like it takes the cake.
And her inability to understand that not everyone can afford that, and then demand that you take out a loan, makes me wonder if she's really the kind of woman you want as a best friend?
We gather friends throughout our lives, many of whom become best friends, few of whom last. There's an opening line from a poem by Brian A. “Drew” Chalker that begins, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
Trying to emotionally blackmail your best friend into doing something he's already said he can't do doesn't seem like the actions of a best friend for life.
A best friend for life would show compassion and then perhaps lighten the burden on everyone by turning the event into something smaller and much cheaper.
Expecting to pay $7,000 to be her maid of honor is too high a price. I'm sorry your best friend is turning into the bridezilla from hell, but your job is to take care of you, not her, despite what she thinks, and under no circumstances should you even touch it thinking about taking out a loan.
The special thing about weddings is that you look back on the wedding photos ten years later. Often people find that they have lost touch with a large percentage of their guests, people they thought would stay in their lives forever.
I imagine this could very well be the case with your best friend. Anyway, I guess you dodged a bullet by not going to the bachelor party.