DEAR JANE: I Found Out My Husband’s Best Friend Is Cheating on His Wife — He’s Threatening to Destroy My Marriage If I Tell Her

Dear Jane,

Not long ago, I discovered that my husband’s best friend – the best man at our wedding – was cheating on his wife, who also happens to be a very good friend of mine.

I had heard rumors that he was having an affair, but couldn’t bring myself to ever mention it to my husband, knowing how much he admires this man who has essentially been a big brother to him since childhood.

However, I was forced to face these rumors head-on when I caught him with the woman in question.

I confronted him immediately, hoping he would tell me I was wrong, that I had completely misunderstood the situation. Heck, I would even have been happy if he had told me that his wife was fully aware of it and that their marriage was like that.

But instead he just shrugged? Like he didn’t really care. Like he didn’t do anything wrong.

I just turned around, to be honest. I was furious. I demanded that he tell his wife, otherwise I would have no choice but to tell her myself. That’s when I insisted he come clean to my husband, because I’d be damned if I let his infidelity spread lies in my own marriage.

At that point he just became really annoying. It was a side of him I’ve never seen. He said if I even dared to whisper about what was going on, he would tell my husband that it was me having an affair.

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He said he would urge my husband to leave me and make him realize that he should never have married me. And while I trust my husband, I know he loves me, but something about the way he made these threats chilled me to my core.

He seemed so convinced of what he was saying that it made me panic.

So now I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Between my husband and his surrogate brother. And I just don’t know what to do. Am I in danger of destroying my marriage – while certainly destroying someone else’s and my husband’s most important friendship?

Wouldn’t it just be better for everyone if I stay quiet?

By,

Wife misery

Dear Women’s Problems,

I’m sorry you learned such a hard lesson, which is largely that other people’s behavior is actually none of our business, and that we demand that people behave a certain way even when we are absolutely certain that it is the right thing to do. doing it usually doesn’t lead to the results we’re looking for.

That said, he sounds like a pretty nasty piece of work.

I can’t imagine it would destroy your marriage if you told your husband what you discovered, and in fact I think you should tell your husband because I’m not sure how you can pretend none of this happened – and There’s no way it won’t get in the way of your relationship.

I imagine you can’t look his wife in the eye either.

So while I don’t suggest you tell his wife, I do suggest you tell your husband. As your life partner, he needs to know that you are carrying this secret and what his friend said to you next.

He may choose not to do anything about it, but the burden you bear alone must be shared with him. Together you decide how to tackle it next.

I wish you the best.