Nearly 30 years after the controversial dating manual The Rules was published, the co-author has come under fire for saying men should still pursue women.
New York authors Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein wrote the handbook in 1995, listing guidelines women should follow to find a man.
Now, Sherrie and Ellen have released an updated version of The Rules for 2023, doubling down on their message that women should be pursued by men, not the other way around.
Speaking from the Big Apple, Sherrie told Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby to promote the book on This Morning today that women are “being lied to” about being independent, and their husbands’ happiness should be a priority.
Her controversial views on dating — including the fact that men are biologically programmed to love extreme sports like bungee jumping, while women hate them — were criticized by viewers, who labeled them “misogynistic stuff.”
New York authors Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein wrote the controversial dating handbook The Rules in 1995 and is releasing an updated version for 2023
Her controversial views on dating were criticized by viewers, labeling them as “misogynistic stuff”
Sherrie shared how she and Ellen came up with the idea for the Dating Guide.
“We were like sociologists in New York City, this was before Sex and the City. We noticed that women who hunted men or were too available got dumped and got the hard-to-get husbands,” she said.
She acknowledged that the original book, published in the 1990s, was criticized for not being feminist.
“Some people said it wasn’t feminist. We believe feminism is about equal pay for equal work, it has nothing to do with dating. Dating is completely biological, men like a challenge, they have to persevere, you have to be hard to get.’ she added.
And the dating author said she believes the rules she and her co-author stated in 1995 are just as relevant in 2013 as they were in 1995.
“The only thing that has changed is the technology. Now we can message men, make friends with them, follow them on Instagram. There are new ways to break rules,” she said.
“But the biology hasn’t changed, we have yet to be chased or it won’t work,” she said.
She claimed that social media has taken away some of the mystery needed in courtship.
To promote the book on This Morning today, Sherrie, speaking from the Big Apple, told Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby that women are “being lied to” about being independent, and their husbands’ happiness should be a priority
“Everything is out there, everything is transparent, everyone is an open book, there is no mystery. And courtship, dating depends on mystery,” she said.
“A man shouldn’t know everything about you, women don’t go out on dates and spill their guts for 7 hours or spend hours chatting online until the middle of the night.”
“There is no mystery, the man is bored and goes to another woman,” she added.
She said one of the main rules of the book is that the men have to pay during dates.
“If he wants you to pay, he doesn’t like you. Not romantically, he doesn’t like you,” she said.
When Phil and Holly countered that some men would offer the women to pay out of respect, she said, “When they think of the bills or of respect, he’s not thinking of you in a romantic way.”
This Morning viewers said Sherrie’s views were “misogynistic” and belonged in 1936. Others said Sherrie had to deal with the “real world.”
“That’s why we had to write the handbook: women are told lies, bad advice to call men, chase, pay, travel, it’s all nonsense. It doesn’t work,” she added.
“It’s like telling women ‘eat all you want and lose weight’, we don’t believe in it. Dating should be disciplined. He chases you, he pays, he picks the spot, he does all the work.”
She added that one of the key points of the 2023 updated version of the handbook is, “You have a higher self and a lower self. Your higher self has people chasing you, not in desperation. The lower self is desperate,” she explained.
‘At marriage, for example, your husband says something unkind, many women say something back, even worse.
“We just say, shut up until you’re ready to talk it over quietly.
“George Clooney and Amal say they’ve never had a fight, and I believe it, not because they’re rich and can solve all their problems, but because they live like higher selves.
They are philanthropists, hey, they have peace, harmony, contribute to society, while people who fight, couples who fight, they are lower selves, they are selfish, petty, they must have the last word, that’s not the point ,’ Sherry said.
“We’re not doormats, we’re diplomatic.”
But she was challenged again when Holly read an excerpt from the handbook: “If a husband is happy he will stay, if he is unhappy he will leave or be miserable.”
“I feel like it goes back in time a little bit, shouldn’t it be mutual, respectful — both people should be happy,” Holly said.
“Both people should be happy,” Sherrie agreed before adding, “but we’re writing this book for women. So many women – we have clients, many of them in the UK, they get married and suddenly want a different house, or they want a bigger car, they just get insatiable with other things,
The rules were already controversial when they were published in 1995, and it looks like the 2023 versions will be just as startling as its predecessor
“Or they don’t like his mother, refuse to have anything to do with her. Whatever it is, got out of hand, and we say, if you want to have a happy marriage, think about your husband’s needs. What does he want? maybe he’s sociable, maybe he likes his mom, you should meet his mom more often,” she added.
“Too many women are preoccupied with themselves, thinking about Botox and tummy tucks and designers’ housewives and handbags, that’s not the point,” she said.
“It’s about making your man happy and he’ll be nice to you in return. It’s like you reach out and you come back,” she continued.
Phil offered that everyone is different and there can’t be a one-size-fits-all type of relationship.
But Sherrie said she believes The Rules’ method has been tried and tested in 27 different countries.
“We consulted with women in Germany, Italy. It’s all the same, men need a challenge, that’s why they like sports and bungee jumping, and all kinds of races, fast cars, while women don’t like that,” she argued.
‘Women like certainty. […] Women want the dress and the wedding, men want the chase,” she added.
She also said her point of view is “the truth.”
“The truth is unpopular, but it is the truth. If you want to listen to fantasies, you can go online and watch guys tell you or coaches tell you “call men, ask men out, they’re all lies,” she said.
But Sherrie’s message didn’t go down well with This Morning viewers, who berated her for her outdated views.
“Well it looks like her rules are very outdated lol,” someone said.
Sherrie Schneider #ThisMorning should be with the real world. Botox and designer handbags? fast cars and bigger houses? Who the hell are you talking to? The ‘real’ housewives’, wrote another.
“Sherrie is talking nonsense, this book is going backwards, not forwards, and is not a good representation of today’s society,” someone said.
What is this misogyny on #ThisMorning?? No. Just no,’ said another.
“Why does she talk like everyone’s straight? It’s not all male-female relationships, you know,” someone said.
“This woman needs to go back to 1936 where she belongs,” wrote another.