A grieving Australian father is on a mission to let other men grieving the loss of a baby know it’s okay to speak up and admit they need help.
Eighteen months ago, Matt McConnell had no idea how to cope with his grief following the death of his newborn daughter Wren at eight days old after a complicated delivery.
While his wife Madeline was able to connect with other mothers grieving the loss of a baby or a miscarriage, he struggled to find similar support networks.
It inspired the Warrnambool father-of-three to bravely share his story in the hope of helping other fathers while honoring his baby daughter.
“I want fathers to know they can speak out and not have to suffer in silence,” he told Ny Breaking Australia.
Matt McConnell and his wife Madeline got to spend eight precious days with daughter Wren
Matt and Madeline painted Wren’s nails pink as a connection to her big sister Edie
“They need to know they are not alone and not afraid to open up.”
Wren was airlifted to the Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne after suffering a lack of oxygen to the brain during her complicated birth in April 2022.
Her parents painted Wren’s tiny nails pink at the hospital as a symbolic gesture, connecting her to her two-year-old sister, Edie, who was being cared for by relatives 170 miles away. Edie also had her nails painted pink.
Tragically, the damage to Wren’s brain was too catastrophic and she died eight days later in her parents’ arms.
“The impact of Wren’s death was enormous,” McConnell recalled.
‘You expect to say goodbye to your parents and grandparents during your lifetime.
“But you’re not supposed to say goodbye to your children, especially the ones you’ve been waiting to meet for the past nine months.
‘Not only was I dealing with my own loss, but I was also having to juggle the emotions of my wife and a two-and-a-half-year-old child, while trying to return to work and find a way to get on with life.
‘We took it day by day. My father-in-law’s advice was to achieve something every day, even if it was just leave the house and go for a walk.’
Matt McConnell (pictured) traveled to Canberra last week to share Wren’s story, hoping he can inspire other grieving fathers to speak out
On what would have been Wren’s first birthday in April, Mr. McConnell bought it lovefromdad.com.au website domain.
The website aims to provide grieving fathers and non-birthing partners with an online space to seek help and support as they find the courage to open up about their own losses.
“What I know now, I wish I knew 18 months ago,” McConnell said.
‘I spent months searching for books, support groups and podcasts.
‘There are many services available, but in the depth of grief I initially didn’t know where to look.
‘I knew people in my family who lost a baby and for them the pain is still there.
‘But until you’ve experienced it, you don’t know how to talk about it.
“I hope telling Wren’s story gives other fathers hope that it’s okay to speak up.”
Mr. McConnell, along with friends and family, including Edie, still wears nearly four bright pink nails on a regular basis.
“We do something every day in our lives that includes Wren,” he said.
“The pink nails are a great conversation starter and give me the opportunity to talk about Wren.”
Wren is in the hearts and minds of her parents and sister Edie (right) every day. Also pictured is Wren’s little brother Noah, who was born earlier this year
Edie met baby Wren before her newborn sister died
It has taken Matt McConnell (pictured at his daughter’s funeral) 18 months to come to terms with his grief after the heartbreaking loss of baby Wren when he was eight days old
Family photos always show a shadow (right) in memory of baby Wren
Mr McConnell and his wife, who have since welcomed son Noah, are calling for improving support services in their regional city.
A funeral home dedicated to helping new parents is expected to open at their local hospital in 2024.
“These facilities should be everywhere,” he said.
The McConnells joined other parents and specialists at the launch of National Perinatal Mental Health Week in Canberra last week, where they opened up about their loss.
The theme this year was ‘We are here, discover your village’.
“It was an incredible experience and an honor to share our story,” Mr. McConnell said.
“I hope that by sharing our story, others will realize that they are not alone, and that there is a village out there waiting for them to be a part of it.”
More than 100,000 Australian parents – one in five mothers and one in ten fathers – experience perinatal anxiety and/or depression.
Peer support has been shown to help reduce perinatal mental health issues and feelings of isolation in new mothers
New data shows that more than two-thirds (70 percent) of expectant and new Australian parents do not have a support network of other parents.
Nearly two in five (18 percent) say they rely on other parents for support, while almost a third struggle to connect with other parents, highlighting the importance of exposing their village.
If you or someone you know needs support after the loss of a baby, please contact SANDS on 1300 308 307, bears of Hope on 1300 114 673 or Red Nose Day on 1300 308 307