Zendaya’s stylist and best friend Law Roach details insecurities about his weight as he reveals he was ‘100 pounds heavier than he is today’

Zendaya describes him as her “fashion soulmate” and he’s the man who sent Hunter Schafer down the red carpet with just a feather on her chest.

Law Roach, the celebrity stylist who has also worked with Celine Dion, Lewis Hamilton, Kerry Washington and Megan Thee Stallion, became almost as famous as his clients.

But then, at the height of his fame, he dramatically retired the morning after the Oscars last year.

Now – after a year of taking stock – he has written a new book, How to build a fashion icon. In this exclusive clip, he talks about how his deep insecurities surrounding his fluctuating weight still haunt him.

I’ve had an interesting relationship with my body my entire adult life.

At my heaviest, I was over 100 pounds heavier than I am now, and even now my weight can fluctuate from month to month. I’m sure this is common for many of us. But I’m constantly working on injecting more love into that relationship.

Clothes can be a constant reminder of the status of your body. How you fit into a piece can remind you of how you viewed another point in your life. It can really upset you at times and be extremely rewarding at others. And that happens to all of us: when I put on a piece of clothing that used to be tight and now feels a little too big, it makes me feel good.

But it’s important that we all consciously work to improve those feelings from within.

2021 was a big year for me. I was honored to be on the cover of Out magazine because of the Out100 list, which has great value within the LGBTQ+ community.

I decided to take a new direction for me. Instead of putting on couture and dressing up, I thought I would take it off. I was going for a more nineties, almost B-boy aesthetic. Think of an Adidas tracksuit, Calvin Klein underwear and a comfortable denim jacket.

But most importantly, I decided to show myself off.

In the cover image I am holding my jacket open, shirtless and with my body exposed for all to see. It was an incredibly vulnerable moment that I shared with more than a million people.

I don’t have a muscular, well-defined body. I have stretch marks and all these blemishes. Even when I go to the beach or the pool, I’ve never been the type to take my shirt off – even when I was little, I’ve always worn a T-shirt.

“I’m not perfect,” I wrote on Instagram when I posted the photos.

‘I have struggled with my weight my entire adult life and have even resorted to unhealthy ways to stay thin. I decided to be photographed with my shirt off to help me get rid of some insecurities about my body. F*CK IT, this is me.’

It felt sexy and flirty. It felt liberating. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have second thoughts afterward. What would my body look like? How would it be received? But this was me.

My mother and grandmother were both beautiful and took great pride in their appearance, but they were not as thin as the book said they were “fashionable.” And they knew that. But they didn’t try that either.

I see so many women these days who feel bad about themselves and abandon their self-confidence when they aren’t the size they think they should be – often it’s the size someone else thinks they should be.

In our neighborhood, if you didn’t have big butts and big boobs, you weren’t considered attractive. My mother and grandmother didn’t necessarily fit that bill, but that didn’t stop them from walking through the world with confidence.

My mother passed away not long after I graduated. I was in my twenties and had a long grieving process. During that time I thought a lot about happiness and fulfillment, about her life and mine. Sometimes death can do that to you; it can make you really think about how to make the most of your time on this earth.

My mother struggled with chronic depression and struggled with addiction. I think a lot of that is hereditary.

As a teenager and young adult, I dealt with depression on and off. I don’t blame my mother, but I recognize that I started to pick up some of her coping behaviors. It was a legacy I didn’t want to repeat, so I made conscious decisions to avoid that.

After her death, I really thought about the person I wanted to be and took steps in that direction.

In the aftermath of that tragedy, my two younger brothers, who still lived with her, were left without a guardian. So I stepped in to help raise them.

It wasn’t cheap. I needed to make money to support myself and my brothers, so I got a job bartending at a big club in Chicago.

I could have found a corporate job—something that paid six figures, including benefits, and put my degrees to work in a more direct way—but something kept telling me not to. So I held on to dreams of something bigger.

It’s funny that even though I felt so strongly about resisting the temptation of a regular nine-to-five job, I didn’t have any specific dreams for my future at the time. I certainly couldn’t have known what was coming.

But in my mind I didn’t need to know. I trusted myself. I trusted my abilities. I knew it would work. I held on to the feeling that something big was ahead of me and had faith that I would be ready when the opportunity arose. And that was me.

Earlier in my career, I had a rule when it came to styling, and I made sure my assistants adhered to it: We never belittled or spoke negatively about a client’s weight. If we had someone who didn’t have the sample size, we would tell brands ‘just to be clear, she’s too big.’

That meant we were honest about getting what we needed without being destructive or negative about our customers. I would never disrespect anyone by placing too much importance on their size, and I never have.

The great thing about being a stylist is that I know what my clients like and what they don’t like about themselves. That cannot be hidden. I think everyone has experienced insecurity at some point. Even if it seems minor, everyone’s appearance bothers us, and depending on the day, it can affect their self-confidence.

And of course this doesn’t just happen to customers. Sometimes I look at photos of myself after a night out and even though everyone says I looked great, I see an extra fullness in my face, possibly because I’m tired or maybe because I drank too much a few nights at work events.

Because of my own personal history with my weight, the slightest body fluctuation immediately makes me see the older version of myself. I see the person I was before.

Every day I work on this ability to look confidently at myself and everything that I may experience as a flaw, but I don’t let my judgments stop me from stepping into the world with my best foot forward.

It’s all ebb and flow. We can’t expect to always feel one hundred percent confident in our skin. Loving yourself means recognizing when you lack self-confidence and giving yourself the grace and time to recalibrate.

Be compassionate with yourself. Everyone has moments of doubt and uncertainty. Instead of being self-critical in such moments, offer yourself the same kindness and understanding that you would give to a friend or other loved one. You deserve it.

Adapted excerpt from Law Roach’s new book How to Build a Fashion Icon: Notes on Confidence, published by Abrams Image © 2024 Wet Roach