Your PARENTS can make you a harmful perfectionist, study finds

Harmful perfectionism in women may be more linked to her relationship with her father than her mother, according to a study.

And the same tendencies in men may be more linked to his relationship with his mother than his father, the researchers found.

The team studied three types of perfectionism: self-oriented, other-oriented, and socially prescribed perfectionism (SPP).

Self-oriented perfectionism is where a person demands perfection of themselves, other-oriented perfectionism is the requirement for others to be perfect, and socially prescribed perfectionism is the person’s belief that others require perfection of them.

Of the three types, SPP is seen as particularly damaging, with lots of research demonstrating ‘consistent and strong associations with myriad adverse mental health outcomes, including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and interpersonal problems’, said the researchers, from the University of British Columbia in Canada.

‘People with socially prescribed perfectionism have a perception that others demand and require them to be perfect,’ said lead author Sabrina Ge.

”Others’ can refer to specific people, e.g. a partner or a parent, but it can also refer to people not known to the person, or people in general e.g. the world.’ For their study the psychologists gave 456 participants a questionnaire which assessed their levels of the three different types of perfectionism.

They were asked to rate on a scale how much they agreed with statements measuring self-oriented perfectionism such as ‘One of my goals is to be perfect in everything I do’; other oriented perfectionism e.g. ‘I cannot stand to see people close to me make mistakes’; and SPP e.g. ‘The people around me expect me to succeed in everything I do’.

They were then given a further questionnaire, the Parental Bonding Instrument, which assesses a person’s subjective experience of being parented during their first 16 years.

It assesses two so-called ‘parental bonding behaviours’: parental care e.g. ‘was affectionate to me’ and parental overprotection e.g. ‘tried to control everything I did’.

Participants completed two versions of the questionnaire – one for their mother and one for their father.

Analysing the results together, the researchers found that SPP in women was uniquely predicted by high paternal overprotection and low paternal care – but not by maternal overprotection or care.

And SPP in men was uniquely predicted by high maternal overprotection and low maternal care.

Ms Ge, a graduate clinical psychology student, said the reasons behind the results are not known but, with women, it could be due to them not feeling able to be as open with their fathers when growing up.

‘Some research suggests that, in general, daughters feel more emotionally distant from their fathers and have more difficulty speaking with them, which may create what we call ‘parent-child asynchrony’ – where a child’s underlying needs, such as security and warmth, are not met – that may lead to their development of SPP.

‘However, more research on this is needed.

‘With regard to the findings on mothers and sons, one study suggests that, compared to fathers, mothers may be more over-involved in their son’s lives, thus potentially thwarting their development of autonomy.

‘This can lead to sons’ overreliance on external validation and others’ approval for self-esteem, which is seen in SPP.’ 

The findings are published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences. 

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