‘Would you host a ‘living funeral?’ Woman who arranged party for her sister BEFORE her death says it was ‘magical’ but ‘pain filled’

Heidi Satterthwaite passed away last year, aged 34, after being diagnosed with a rare cancer known as MDS in 2018.

Before her death, she made an unusual choice. Heidi wanted to celebrate her life with her friends and family, which is why she became one of a growing number of people hosting live funerals.

With a military husband, Heidi lived in many places from Alaska to Hawaii, and thanks to her warmth and unusual ability to encourage people to open up to her, she created a “wonderful community of friends.”

So says her older sister Jenna Satterthwaite, who appeared on BBC Radio 4 Women’s hour yesterday, to talk about their experiences organizing the event – and celebrating Heidi’s life while she was there to celebrate with them.

Jenna described the living funeral, which featured poignant moments such as Heidi and her husband closing the event by dancing to their wedding song, as a “magical and pain-filled celebration of her life.”

Jenna compared the event to a wedding, describing how they incorporated many of the same elements, such as speeches, toasts, dancing, and an “explosive playlist” that made them “sweat so hard on the dance floor.”

She also described a moment when they realized they had a big event planned, including renting a venue and hiring catering, but they had no idea if people would show up, and at one point they thought they could eventually receive up to ten guests. However, this was not the case.

“To our great surprise and delight, 200 people showed up at the last minute, in the middle of the summer, Jenna revealed.

“People canceled vacations, got on planes, rented cars, made it happen and showed up for her to say goodbye.”

When asked how the event compares to a traditional funeral, in terms of closure for those in attendance, Jenna said, “I’d describe it as an exclamation point at the end of a sentence. The punishment of her life.’

Describing it further, Jenna said, “I guess you could call it closure. It was that moment when you pause to acknowledge a beautiful life. And we don’t do that often.

“We are bad at quarters. We always look at the next thing and move the goalposts. So it was very special to come together and as a group close that sentence and say this was her life. She lived well. Exclamation mark.’

She also discussed how, while there was a lot of sadness and tears, there was “a little bit of energy when we realized ‘now it’s time to die’… and there’s a little bit of adrenaline in that, and channeling that.” energy in a party really suited the process… and (Heidi) wanted to do it for herself, but also for the rest of us.”

Jenna Satterthwaite (pictured during Women’s Hour) spoke with incredible eloquence and poignancy about her sister’s living burial

According to Jenna, Heidi had researched how best to organize the grieving process when it came to herself and her family during her illness.

They had the living funeral, then also a “home funeral” after Heidi died, after which they kept her body at home for three days.

This was less traumatic than “strangers coming in and wheeling her out in a body bag,” said Jenna, who said her sister “was ours.”

Jenna also read a poem she had written about the experience and placed on X (formerly Twitter), which began with the lines, “If you’ve got the pre-notice curse, throw a party.” No funeral, that’s not much fun.’

Another living funeral was held by Kris Hallenga, the founder of breast cancer awareness charity CoppaFeel, who has stage 4 breast cancer and who held a living funeral for herself.

Women’s Hour host Nuala McGovern (pictured) said she was deeply moved by a poem Jenna wrote about her sister’s death

She organized the event in collaboration with Legacy of Lives, which helps people organize the right funeral.

CEO Rebecca Peach spoke about living funerals on the show, saying, “It’s all about pushing the person’s funeral, giving that person a voice, and giving that person the legacy the way he or she would want it.”

She also pointed out how few people plan for the kind of funerals they would like after they die.

According to Rebecca, whether people want to organize a living funeral or have a more traditional after-death event, Legacy of Lives aims to provide free support when it comes to people deciding what kind of funeral they want.

She added that she speaks out mainly because death is such a taboo topic, and it’s so hard to know what to do to support people when it comes to death – their own members or those of a family – and she wanted to help. to people.