In my early twenties I dated a man who stole money from my wallet. As a struggling college student with two part-time jobs, this broke my heart, but I adored him.
Despite having a full-time job, he never seemed to have any money. When we went on vacation it was just assumed that I would pay. Heck, I even drove him around our whole relationship because of course he lost his driver’s license, and he never put his hand in his pocket for gas money.
To be fair, the signs were there early on, starting with his first stint in prison during the four years we dated. Oh jana!
I finally turned him down after he suggested that instead of putting my journalism degree to good use, maybe I should get a job as a secretary and that we should move to the coast instead. Sigh.
But for quite a bit of my 20s, I found myself repeating the pattern. I would fall for projects – men I thought needed some guidance and then they would be fine.
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Sure, we can get swept up in the romance of dating someone on the wrong side of the lane, but sometimes those people never leave that side of the lane. They have no intention of doing better for themselves and that’s find and dandy. Just not for me
Spoiler alert: they never did.
So when I started earning my own decent money and progressing in my career in my 30s, I vowed never to date anyone with no ambition — or decent bank account — again.
And now, at 38 years old, I can say that I’ve done just that and haven’t looked back. That’s why I’m thrilled… GREAT I tell you – that there’s now a term for this somewhat controversial dating trend. And of course it gets a bad rap, but as someone who’s been on both sides of the fence, I think every woman should embrace it.
It is called “hypergamous” dating and it is defined as “dating” or “marrying” – a term used in the social sciences for the act or practice of a person dating or marrying an upper caste spouse, social status or sexual capital than themselves .
Why not aim high?
Sure, we can get swept up in the romance of dating someone on the wrong side of the lane, but sometimes those people never leave that side of the lane. They have no intention of doing better for themselves and that’s find and dandy. Just not for me.
I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I put in the hard yards, worked the long hours, and made sure I had goals. Finding a man who has done the same is quite attractive.
I’ve been on dates with guys who are always looking to the future in terms of their health, wealth and career and without meaning to anything, they’re naturally in this alpha state that many women (myself included) are attracted to.
On the other hand, I’ve been on dates with guys who just drop by and are in no rush to sort out their circumstances.
Maybe I’m triggered by my past, but it really gives me the creeps.
And before people pull out their pitchforks and come after me, let me say that this new way of dating isn’t as superficial as it seems. Unlike gold diggers, women who want to date hypergamous do so because they’ve worked hard for their money and are looking for someone in a similar boat. We hear all the time that fighting over money is one of the major factors of divorce. Well, here’s a trend that removes that obstacle.
I’ve been on dates with guys who always look to the future in terms of their health, wealth and career and without meaning to anything, they’re naturally in this alpha state that many women (myself included) are attracted to
I don’t just want to sit in their fancy cars, I want to hear how their interesting day was. What big decisions did they have to make? What’s next on their career horizon? What are they currently working on? Inspire me and chances are you can touch my breasts.
Last night a man I adore texted me saying:
This man ticks all the boxes in terms of a “hypergamous” man. He has a fascinating career that pays him a wage that he very much deserves, he has offered to take me to a very fancy restaurant, and he has said he will organize it.
The 20-year-old me sobbing over the man who stole money from her wallet would be happy with this turn of events!
So while it’s frowned upon to publicly say you’re dating, I think there’s absolutely no shame in it. Target high people.
READ MORE: I had a one-night stand with a married Australian TV star, writes JANA HOCKING, and what happened next will deter anyone from cheating