I wanted to keep my engagement a secret until after my friend’s wedding – but she found out during her special day and now she’s angry

A woman is questioning whether she acted like an ‘asshole’ after showing up to a friend’s wedding with an engagement ring before revealing she was engaged to everyone but her inner circle.

Because the woman had not publicly announced her engagement before the wedding – but had chosen to wear her ring for the occasion – the news spread like wildfire, eventually reaching the bride, who seemed ‘appalled’ by the turn of events .

Amid the fallout, the woman, 24, took to Reddit’s infamous AmI The A**hole (AITA) subreddit to ask for opinions, sharing a post captioned: “AITA for keeping my engagement a secret until my friend’s wedding?”

In the post, the woman explained that her now fiancé, 25, had proposed to her on Christmas Eve while the couple was on vacation — and had only shared the development with “our immediate family and a few of our closest friends.”

The next time they saw a larger circle of friends and relatives was “at the wedding of a childhood friend of the family,” she continued.

Neither the family’s childhood friend, who was the bride, nor “the majority of the guests” were among the people she and her fiancé told about the engagement.

“So when I went up to chat with them, they noticed the ring and congratulated me and my fiancé on our engagement,” the woman explained.

One friend even made a “little scene,” announcing the news to “all our friends in the area… and they all circled around me to look at the ring and congratulate me.”

After the group disappeared, the woman admitted that she was “quite sad that the attention wasn’t on the bride” and decided at that point to take off her engagement ring and put it in her handbag for the rest of the evening .

“But by then the damage had been done and the word had spread and people came up to me for the rest of the night and congratulated me,” she further admitted.

‘By the time I got to the bride to congratulate her and celebrate her marriage with her, she was very angry with me. She actually told me that it was so selfish of me to show off my engagement at her wedding, and she accused me of purposely abusing my engagement. the spotlight away from her.

‘She thought I had deliberately kept my engagement a secret for the sole purpose of revealing it at her wedding, and accused me of being a liar when I explained it to myself.’

“I understand that I probably should never have worn the ring there, but I had it on for a week so it never occurred to me to take it off until it was too late. So AITA?’

While many commenters admitted that it seemed like the woman meant no harm, most agreed with YTA (or “you’re the asshole”) on the situation.

Among the top-ranked comments, most were convinced the engaged woman was wrong.

As one person read: “YTA. And this sentence gives it away: “So every time I went over to chat with them, they noticed the ring and congratulated me and my fiancé on our engagement.”

‘If this wasn’t the intention, you would have taken the ring off immediately when someone first mentioned the ring. But it happened again and again. You deliberately continued to wear the ring after at least several people commented on it.

“YTA for deliberately announcing your engagement with a very flashy ring that you deliberately didn’t remove before everyone already knew.”

Another said: ‘I don’t think the AH piece carries the ring, but it doesn’t tell the friend whose wedding you were at in advance if a lot of people found out. I would hate to hear second or third hand that my boyfriend was engaged and tell everyone at the wedding because it makes you feel a little less special on a day where it’s really about you. Y.T.A.’

A third gave a more generous take on the matter, but still decided the woman was the asshole.

“I don’t think you’re looking at this from the perspective of the bride and groom: whether your actions were intentional or not, you took away the attention from the important night of their lives. Think about it, the bride probably heard about your engagement multiple times that night, and unfortunately your engagement announcement will now be part of their wedding forever,” they wrote.

‘The groom and bride put a lot of time and effort into planning their wedding. Within minutes, after your friend sees the ring and causes a loud commotion, your actions have put a damper on their night.

“I think some of your actions were unintentional because you put the ring in your bag, but at that point the damage had already been done. Yeah, I really think you were the YTA unintentionally, you should probably send them a sorry gift.”

Still, others offered a more measured assessment of the situation.

“I actually don’t think either of you are the assholes. If you didn’t intentionally show off your ring and someone actually caused a little scene about it, then you’re not responsible, but the bride’s reaction was justified. It’s HER day and even if you meant it or not, you took away the spotlight when it was actually on her and her groom,” one commenter reasoned.

And a few commenters strongly believed that the woman wasn’t wrong at all.

‘Definitely NTA (not the hole)! You have no reason or obligation to take off your engagement ring! No matter how big or flashy it is. You also have no obligation to personally ensure that everyone knew in advance that you were engaged,” said one person.

‘All eyes don’t have to be on the bride 100% of the time, even at her wedding. During the ceremony, yes. During the formal part of the reception, when speeches are given, yes. If everyone is mingling and eating and drinking, absolutely not. Besides, it would be impossible.

“You made no formal announcement about your engagement during her wedding. People noticed your ring and commented. That’s life. I don’t think it’s ever appropriate for others to ask you to take off your engagement ring for any reason.”