A woman has been divided online after she called her husband “selfish” for refusing to consider a vasectomy.
The mother of one, who suffered a traumatic birth and four miscarriages as well as a number of health problems, said taking the contraceptive pill would “mess” with her hormones.
She voiced her concerns on Mumsnet, saying she was “shocked” by how “selfish” he was being. But not everyone on the British parenting platform agreed.
She asked other users if she was being unreasonable in a poll on the platform – with 83 percent of the nearly 3,000 votes for her.
However, others stressed that it is her husband’s choice what he does as it is ‘his body’.
A mother of one who endured a traumatic birth and four miscarriages was left ‘stunned’ when her husband refused to consider a vasectomy (stock photo)
The concerned mother had asked her husband to have a vasectomy so they could safely enjoy their sex life, knowing she wouldn’t “get pregnant and miscarry or have another child.”
She also explained that she has had “all kinds of procedures, tests, exams, surgeries, scans, hormones in her body” and that now she just “wants to be left alone.”
The woman added that she and her husband “don’t have sex very often,” but that when they do, it’s “wonderful.”
While her request may sound reasonable to some, especially given her history, the woman’s husband did not respond in the way she had hoped.
She explained: ‘Before I could even explain my position to him, he flat out refused. And said, “I wouldn’t do that to myself”. I’m just completely shocked at how selfish that is. It’s just upset me so much.’
She asked other Mumsnet users if she was being unreasonable or if she should ‘just calm down and try’. [to] see this from his point of view’. Her post garnered nearly 900 responses and certainly caused a stir on the forum.
She posted a message on British parenting platform Mumsnet, explaining that she found her husband’s behavior “selfish”
Some felt her reaction was justified, others felt her husband had every right to react that way.
A Mumsnet user wrote: ‘Hopefully it was an impulsive reaction and he soon realises what a selfish idiot he has become.’
A second was equally outraged, writing: ‘Honestly some men are just so selfish. No wonder you’re baffled.’
A third, who was in a similar situation, added: ‘I think any man who is a committed partner to a woman who has decided not to have any more children and doesn’t want a vasectomy is a total dick, including my husband!!’
A fourth tried to offer some hope: ‘My husband had one and it was nothing. I hope he comes around – it’s perfectly right to be angry.’
Another was simply surprised that the woman’s husband refused to have a vasectomy when she had been through so much. “It’s mind-boggling,” she wrote.
Others were not supportive of the woman’s case, telling her that it concerns his body and therefore he has the right to refuse the procedure.
The woman’s post received nearly 900 comments, with some suggesting she had every right to be annoyed with her husband, while others argued that he is the only one who should make decisions about his body.
Someone wrote: ‘I wouldn’t get sterilized, so I can’t imagine forcing someone who doesn’t want to do it to do it. It’s their body and I think they can say “no.”‘
Another person was more understanding, but ultimately came to the same conclusion.
They wrote: ‘I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a hard time so I can understand what you mean but it’s the person’s choice whether or not to have surgery and there are many other methods of birth control.’
Others offered advice, hoping they could help the couple find a solution that worked for both of them.
One posted: ‘I mean it’s his body and he can say no but he has to be respectful about it. I hate hormonal birth control but my husband likes to use condoms. Is that an alternative you guys agree with?’
If this story has affected you, you can get advice via www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk or www.tommys.org or by calling 01924 200 799.