Single woman, 27, leaves friend ‘really hurt’ after admitting she doesn’t want to go on girls’ trip because she’s sick of talking about ‘marriage and babies’
A woman has revealed she has no interest in following up on a girl’s tip because she doesn’t want to talk about ‘marriage and babies’ for three days.
The 27-year-old took to Reddit to ask if she was being too harsh in telling her friends the real reason she didn’t want to go on an upcoming vacation.
‘AITA (Am I The A**hole) because I’m honest with my friends when I tell them I’m not going on a weekend getaway because I don’t want to talk about marriage/babies for three days?’ she wrote in the Am I the A**hole subreddit.
She further said that she has had the same group of eight close friends since their school days.
A woman took to Reddit to ask if she had gone too far by being honest with a close friend about not wanting to go on a girls’ trip (stock image)
She explained that five of her eight close friends are married or in long-term relationships, and two of those five are pregnant or have had a baby.
Now in their late 20s, they no longer live in the same place, but they do meet “a few times a year for a weekend at an Airbnb,” she described.
In the past, catering options included “nice food, drinks, a hot tub, etc.,” she added.
Speaking for herself, she wrote: ‘I’m happy with my life at the moment, I’m single, dating and I don’t know if I’d want children – but if I did I knew I wouldn’t want one anytime soon .’
However, five of the friends are married or in long-term relationships, and two of those five are pregnant or have had a baby.
She’ll also soon be seeing “all my friends this year for various wedding/friends/baby events.”
So for the last planned girls’ trip, she decided to tell the gang that she couldn’t participate.
“I didn’t originally give a reason,” she continued.
But her only pregnant friend forced her to give a reason, and the woman “told her the truth.”
“I’m not going because it’s a huge financial expense for three days of just talking about people’s upcoming engagements/weddings/babies,” she said.
‘I have a lot going on, but I feel like a lot of my friends don’t show interest unless I talk about someone I’m dating.
‘Last time I also listened to one of my friends talk vengefully about her breastfeeding plans for more than an hour. She is not pregnant and not trying. Frankly, it’s boring and feels dismissive.”
Overall, the woman emphasized, “It’s also a very expensive way to feel bad about myself.”
Still, she claimed she “made it clear” to the friend that she was “excited that they are all living the lives they want.”
However, she further admitted, “It feels like the group has two different phases of life, I’m in the minority and the group focuses on one phase.”
Redditors widely regarded the woman as NTA – short for ‘Not The A**hole.’ Many further speculated about whether her long-term friendships had become one-sided
The friend has since said that “she is really hurt. I’m not excited for her, or for our other friends.”
“I responded that apparently I was (from other actions), but I just didn’t think the trip was for me,” the woman said.
“I have tons of other things going on, and trying to fit this in both calendar-wise and financially is quite a task.”
For the friend in question, the woman added, she’s been away for “three weekends for her wedding, and I’m flying to her baby shower — all in the last two years.”
Meanwhile, the girlfriend has never shown any interest in flying over “for the past two years.”
“So my question is, is AITA being honest about why I can’t go?” the woman concluded.
In an update, she stressed that she was supporting them through all their major life events, including engagement parties, weddings, baby showers and the like.
In response to comments speculating that she was unhappy, she insisted she was “satisfied” with her life, writing: “Finally – some comments about me being jealous, hating myself/my life etc. Just to confirm, dear strangers on the internet, I’m content – thanks for the concern anyway.’
In hundreds of comments, Redditors universally agreed that the woman was NTA – short for ‘Not The A**hole’.
Many of them pointed out that the woman’s relationship with her friends sounded unbalanced and that they did not show a commensurate interest in her life.
“NTA because the real problem here is different than it seems,” one commenter argued.
‘At first glance it seems like it’s just about engagements, weddings and babies. You do your utmost to continuously support them. But they don’t answer that for you. They cannot identify or want to identify with anything outside of their lives.
“It would seem a bit like you just won a prize, but all they talked about was the cake they just ate that morning.”
The woman replied, “I may have traveled thirteen weekends last year (including transportation and hotels) for this group’s ‘big events’ and I’m happy for them.”
A second sounded: “NTA. We all change as we get older. You naturally drift away from some friends, especially if their lifestyle changes dramatically (especially marriage and children). I wouldn’t want to spend a lot of money to spend three days with a group that had such diverse interests. And I don’t think it was wrong to be honest when your friend asked you why you shouldn’t go.”
A third made a similar point: ‘NTA and what you are experiencing at 27 is what the rest of us have experienced too. Lives change and suddenly some of our friends don’t have much in common with us anymore. I’ve casually drifted away from my friends because all they could talk about was diapers or insisted on taking their child on an outing. That’s just not my thing.’
A fourth echoed: ‘NTA and unfortunately friendships change – I think being honest can hurt others but that doesn’t mean it can’t be said. It’s your truth and it sounds like you have expensive friends who expect a lot and I’m not sure you actually get anything in return.”
A fifth were considered NAH – short for ‘No A**holes Here.’
“Your friend asked a question and you answered truthfully. It’s not your fault she found it offensive that you weren’t interested in what she was interested in. It’s just the reality of friendships: people grow and change,” they continued.
‘Your interests no longer match those of that group of friends, and that’s okay. However, you should consider why you continue to spend time with these people if you don’t really enjoy spending time with them. I know you’ve known each other for eight years, but that doesn’t mean you should continue these relationships that you no longer enjoy.’
But another user offered a striking counterpoint to this.
“I don’t agree that she shouldn’t keep these friends,” they wrote.
“Life changes, but it’s SO nice to have long-lasting friendships. Right now, her friends are in the early stages of this new part of their lives and are extremely excited about it. After a few years, they will long for the time when they can get away and spend time with their childless friend (if she is still childless). Of course, add more friends with more similar lifestyles, but don’t just drop old friends altogether. Maintain the friendships on a perhaps less frequent, but equally important basis – so you can pick up where you left off when life offers the opportunity.”