A woman has revealed how she lived as a trans man for four years before transitioning, dumping her female partner and starting dating men.
Maddy Edwards, 25, of Lawton, Oklahoma, said From the age of five, she knew she was “different” and prayed to wake up as a boy, feeling more comfortable in boys’ clothes and desperate to arm wrestle with friends.
She grew up in a traditional Christian household and didn’t hear the term “transgender” until she was fourteen.
After learning more about the trans community, she launched a secret social media account under the name “Rider,” put her long hair in a hat and used the hashtag “transman” to share photos.
At 19, she started looking into having surgery and taking testerone, before completely changing her mind at 23, when she started dating men and even became a mother.
“I never liked being a woman and never felt like this was who I was meant to be,” she said
A woman has revealed she lived as a trans man for four years before making the transition, dumping her female partner and starting dating men. Left: Maddie lives as a man, right, now as a woman
Maddy Edwards, 25, from Lawton, Oklahoma, said she knew she was “different” since she was five and would pray to wake up as a boy – felt more comfortable in boys’ clothes and was desperate to arm wrestle with friends. She is depicted as a child
“I thought I was meant to be a man. I never thought that in a hundred years I would ever accept myself as a woman.”
At the age of 19, she cut her hair short and started taking testosterone and went by the name Matthew, ending the relationship she had with her religious parents.
After seeing a counselor and an endocrinologist, Maddy started weekly testosterone injections.
Three years later, in 2020, Matthew was engaged to a woman and seriously over medically transitioning. He planned to undergo top surgery, a procedure in which doctors remove breast tissue.
But in December 2020, Maddy, who works as an army munitions factory worker, claims she heard the voice of God telling her he had love for her “if she would just stop running from it.”
This meeting radically changed the course of Maddy’s life and caused her to break up with her fiancé.
‘When I experienced how much love God had for me, it overflowed into self-love. “I was able to accept myself exactly as he created me (as a woman),” she said.
‘At first it was weird being called a girl and hearing people call me Maddy. Every time someone said Matt or Matty, I turned around. I distanced myself from that identity for so long.
‘I feel more comfortable in my femininity now.
At the age of 19, she cut her hair short and started taking testosterone and went by the name Matthew, ending the relationship she had with her religious parents.
Three years later, in 2020, Matthew was engaged to a woman and serious about medical transition. He planned to undergo top surgery, a procedure in which doctors remove breast tissue.
But in December 2020, Maddy, who works as an army munitions factory worker, claims she heard the voice of God telling her he had love for her “if she would just stop running from it.” She now has a child
Maddy is now living as a woman again and has been welcomed back into her family
“I’m a mom to a little girl, it’s the coolest thing ever. I never saw myself becoming a mother. I’ve always wanted to be a parent and a father. I wanted so badly to be a father, but I never saw myself as a mother.
“It’s so wonderful.”
Maddy had started a new job picking plants in a greenhouse and since she didn’t have headphones with her to listen to music as usual, she chose to pray.
She claims it was as if she heard “the voice of God” speaking to her.
“That was the moment my eyes opened.”
Just a week after this happened, Maddy broke up with her fiancé, with whom she planned to buy a house, and returned to being a girl.
Despite never having accepted herself as a woman before, Maddy found that the encounter helped her accept herself “as God created her.”
Maddy said: “There was a lot of hugging and crying. It wasn’t sad though, I had this joy.
Despite never having accepted herself as a woman before, Maddy found that the encounter helped her accept herself ‘as God created her’
Maddy is seen as a man, which she did between the ages of 19 and 22
‘My fiancé was very understanding.
‘I didn’t think ‘this is sinful and you’re going to hell’, I just didn’t find it attractive anymore.
“I knew God had so many better plans for me and her, this wasn’t how he intended us to be.”
Maddy has always felt different as a child and teenager, and was completely convinced that she was meant to be a man, mainly due to her discomfort with her body as breasts grew during puberty.
Maddy said: ‘I remember praying several times as a child on the top bunk of my small bunk bed.
“I would say, ‘Hey God, wake me up 100 percent as a boy and don’t let anyone remember me as a girl.’
Maddy, pictured as a child, said she ‘always felt like a boy’
Maddy shared her detransition story on TikTok
‘I firmly believed that a boy was who I was meant to be.
‘It wasn’t until I was 13 or 14 that I really learned the word transgender. I thought ‘wow, this makes so much sense’.
‘I was watching videos on YouTube of natural born women taking testosterone and having top surgery to become transgender and thinking ‘oh that’s why I’m uncomfortable with my breast’.
‘I dressed like a man, put my hair in a hat and tried to be the man I thought I was. I felt a lot of euphoria when I did it. I thought: this must be right.’
Although it took some time to embrace her born gender, she is now embracing her feminine identity and role as a mother – something she never imagined.
Maddy said: ‘The feeling of being transgender is very real and I’m never going to say it’s not real.
“When I lived like that, I really felt like that.”