Woke cliches and fake history – this is the worst drama in years! CHRISTOPHER STEVENS reviews last night’s TV

The Confessions of Frannie Langton

Judgement:

Tommy Jessop goes to Hollywood

Judgement:

With a bit of luck you will be on holiday this week, in a tent without a television and a WiFi signal that drops every five minutes. At least that’s what ITV bosses hope.

They pray that no one will notice that after more than eight months of remembering this wretched moment, they are broadcasting the most horrible drama in years – an abysmal mishmash of awakened clichés and gothic tosh, brimming with bitterness, resentment and fake history.

The Confessions Of Frannie Langton (ITV1) has been available on the on-demand service ITVX since its launch on 8 December last year.

Karla Simone-Spence stars as Frannie, a West Indian slave snatched from her happy Caribbean home, where everyone lives in soft focus, and brought to England by her cruel master John (Steven Mackintosh) (pictured with Frannie) … a nation of Neanderthals and racist old maids

Frannie wakes up one night to discover the National Front in top hats at the foot of the bed she shares with Madame (pictured together)

But while other series, such as the brilliant Nolly, starring Helena Bonham Carter as Crossroads queen Noele Gordon, hit primetime almost immediately, this one will be pushed to us when it can no longer be delayed. And what a miserable mess it is.

Karla Simone-Spence stars as Frannie, a West Indian slave who has been snatched from her happy Caribbean home, where everyone lives in soft focus, and brought to England by her cruel master John (Steven Mackintosh)… a Neanderthal nation thugs and racist old maids.

Frannie’s new master George (Stephen Campbell Moore) cannot see her dazzling intellectual gifts because he is blinded by his obsession with her hair. As an Englishman, George has never seen curled locks.

He has to cut one off before he can believe it. Fortunately, George’s wife Madame Marguerite (Sophie Cookson) is not English, but French, which is not so bad.

Realizing that Frannie wants to be a great writer, Madame reads poetry to her.

One thing leads to another and soon they find themselves in an interracial lesbian affair.

But disaster strikes!

Frannie wakes up one night to discover the National Front in top hats at the foot of the bed she shares with Madame. Even worse, someone stabbed Madame right next to her, and Frannie didn’t even notice.

Frannie’s new master George (Stephen Campbell Moore) (pictured with Madame) cannot see her dazzling intellectual gifts because he is blinded by his obsession with her hair

Realizing that Frannie wants to be a great writer, Madame reads poetry to her. One thing leads to another and soon they find themselves in an interracial lesbian affair

All the women in Frannie’s prison wear immaculate costumes, and our heroine’s white cotton stays spotless

Drenched in blood, she is taken to prison, where she pauses only to step over George’s body (also stabbed, also dead).

An angry mob has gathered outside their house and Frannie poses, defiant and noble to their racist hatred.

“Bold and Noble” is one of Karla Simone-Spence’s finest looks, which she even puts on in her sleep. She also acts “challenging and angry,” which is pretty much the same thing but with a bit of grit.

All the women in Frannie’s prison wear immaculate costumes, and our heroine’s white cotton stays spotless.

But in case we don’t realize how serious the situation is, one of the jailers explains to her: “Double murder is an offense punishable by hanging, Miss Langton.”

The line sounds asinine, but it’s the kind of thing that Tommy Jessop can deliver with aplomb.

The actor, who has Down syndrome, makes a hilarious Roger Moore impression and his big ambition is to play 007. But in the charming documentary Tommy Jessop Goes To Hollywood (BBC1) he admits that he will have to lower the bar. .. by writing and starring in his own superhero movie based on his teddy bear, Roger Mitchell.

The line sounds asinine, but it’s something Tommy Jessop (pictured with Will Jessop) can deliver with aplomb

In the charming documentary Tommy Jessop Goes To Hollywood (BBC1), he admits he will have to lower his arrows… by writing and starring in his own superhero film (pictured), based on his teddy bear Roger Mitchell

Tommy (pictured with Kit Harrington) met actors and filmmakers during a joyfully heartwarming hour and made a serious point without waving banners or banging a drum

While his older brother Will is filming, Tommy sets out to persuade Los Angeles to support him.

Meeting actors and filmmakers over the course of a joyfully heartwarming hour, he made a serious point without waving banners or beating a drum: If Down syndrome is treated as a chromosomal defect and eradicated by abortion, the world will a much poorer place.

The true superhero of the story is their mother, Jane. “You’re not a mistake,” she assures Tommy, “you’re a miracle.”