When Saltburn star Barry Keoghan allegedly cheated on singer Sabrina Carpenter, the internet went crazy.
How dare he cheat on someone so attractive?
It was the same when Hugh Grant was caught with a sex worker while dating the undisputedly beautiful Liz Hurley. In the lookist society we live in, the question remains ‘But WHY?’ loomed large.
Research from dating app Flure found there was a 302 percent increase in searches for “Is my boyfriend cheating?” after the split of Keoghan and Carpenter.
If men cheat on women like this, what hope do we mere mortals have?
The truth is, men cheating on beautiful women is nothing new. In fact, you’re probably more likely to have a partner cheat if you’re better looking or more successful than them.
Feeling second best is no fun
When someone feels overshadowed by their partner’s success or appearance, they cheat to seek confirmation of their own attractiveness. They do it with someone mediocre and attainable because they are looking for an ego boost and not a challenge.
Men cheating on beautiful women is nothing new. In fact, you’re probably more likely to have a partner cheat if you’re better looking or more successful than them (stock image)
The reasoning behind this infidelity may be logical, but it still surprises us when it happens.
How does it feel when your partner cheats on someone who is much less attractive or attractive than you?
Conversely, why risk losing a perfect partner by sleeping with someone who isn’t even half as fantastic?
To find out the answers, I spoke to a man and a woman on opposite sides of the story. This is what they told me.
‘THE OTHER WOMEN WERE NOT BETTER THAN MY WIFE – THE WHOLE POINT WAS THAT THEY WERE NOT’
Stuart, 38, has been married for 12 years. His wife has no idea that he cheated three times out of insecurity.
‘When I first started dating my now wife, so many people said to me, “Look at you! How the hell did you attract her?”.
‘It was meant as a compliment, because my wife is extraordinary in every way. But even in that first phase of complete love, I still didn’t like the insinuation that she was somehow better than me – even though she is.
Sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox (pictured) says that if a person feels dwarfed by their partner’s success or appearance, they are cheating to seek validation of their own attractiveness
‘My wife is that rare combination of extremely attractive – great body and face – and extremely intelligent.
‘She had her own marketing company at the age of 32 and it is now a top agency in Britain. She did it all herself, no rich parents to support her.
‘I’m quite successful and attractive. But I do have a certain charm and can make people laugh – I think that’s what she sees in me.
‘I was always the ‘hot one’ of our friendship group, but when I married her I moved into a whole different league.
‘The creative men she works with are all very cool: they know how to dress and are charismatic. Her friends are all powerful and have husbands who make a lot of money. Women fall at their feet. Money does that.
‘Everyone was nice to me and I felt welcome. But I looked at her and wondered why she chose me when she could have had anyone.
‘She says it’s because I’m real and that I love her for who she is, not for her looks, power or money. She’s right, but that didn’t stop me from feeling nervous and angry at first.
I cheated on her three times early in the marriage. I was once on a bachelorette weekend (which I don’t think counts, every guy does that). The second time was with a colleague, who has now (fortunately) left.
Men may cheat with someone mediocre and attainable because they are looking for an ego boost and not a challenge (stock image)
‘She hit me and I think her motivation was to see if she could get someone who had a wife like mine. She shouldn’t take it as a compliment: it doesn’t mean she’s better in any way. Her appeal was that she wasn’t. For once I looked better and was more successful, and I won’t deny that it didn’t feel good.
‘The third girl was a girl I picked up at a bar when I was traveling for work. She was drunk and desperate and looked undersized. Was the sex good with these women? Yes, but only in the sense that it is a new body in bed. Did it make me feel better about myself? Yes, but only for a short time.
‘That was eight years ago. What kept me from cheating was realizing that my wife is also exceptional in the best of all possible ways. She’s a nice woman. She never let me down or doubted me in any way. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this.
“She doesn’t know about this, and I pray she never does. I will never cheat again and feel sick about what I did. But when I read about celebrities cheating on perfect women, I can’t help it. It’s hard to be the partner of someone like that.’
‘HE PLAYED WITH MY PERSONAL TRAINER WHO IS NOT NICE TO ANYONE’
*Jamie is an influencer and was in a relationship with Dean for a year before discovering that he had cheated on her with a woman much less attractive than herself.
‘I saw people’s eyebrows raise when I first introduced Dean to friends as my boyfriend. They didn’t come out and ask themselves, “What are we missing here? What’s the appeal?” But they might as well have.
‘Dean looks average, has an average job and is basically average at everything. Why did I choose someone so uninspiring? For many reasons.
While the reasoning behind this infidelity may make sense, it still surprises us when it happens (stock image)
‘I’m an influencer and – at least online – it seems like I have it all. I look neat and lead a jealous life. I photograph myself in expensive restaurants, my house is inspiring and I have famous friends.
“But any influencer will tell you that everything has a price, and that not everything is as it seems.
“For starters, I may look good to others, but I still have a hard time believing it. I was a fat kid and my childhood was hard. My father left when I was three and my mother raised us alone, without money.
‘From an early age I started babysitting and doing odd jobs for everyone. I have always worked hard and at least now it is in a nice environment.
‘I thought I looked good when I became a teenager and boys asked me out, but I never felt good on the inside. My mother didn’t exactly fill me with confidence or give me any compliments. She was too busy making ends meet to worry about stroking our egos.
‘The outer version of me – the part the public sees – looks sexy, glamorous and together. I can thank my friends for that: they taught me how to make up, how to pose and what clothes to wear.
‘Inside I have low self-esteem and I am constantly afraid that I am not good enough.
“When I met Dean, he couldn’t believe I would even consider dating him, let alone sleeping with him. All I could think was, “Surely this man will be safe and not leave me.” (Yes, those abandonment issues run deep if your father leaves you when you’re very young.)
Stuart, 38, who cheated on his beautiful and successful wife three times, understands why celebrities do it (stock image)
‘There’s always a voice that whispers, ‘Wait until he sees the real you – the clingy, insecure wreck that you really are.’ It took him about six months to realize it.
‘I could see that it was dawning on him that I was extremely worried and needed constant reassurance. That was the first sign that he wasn’t who I hoped he would be: he was happy to see my sadness, and not worried.
‘He always told me he felt like I was too good for him. His attitude afterward was, “Now I understand why you’re dating. You may look great, but you’re a mess. Who else would put up with you?”. He didn’t say it in so many words, but the power in the relationship changed.
‘The real kick in the teeth is that he cheated on me with my old personal trainer – and I paid her to train him as a birthday present.
‘She looks nothing like me: she’s short and stocky and not at all beautiful. That sounds bitchy, but she trained me and still slept with my boyfriend, so I don’t tend to be nice to her.
‘Even more humiliating was that the day after I found out and dumped him, she posted a photo of them hanging out during training on Instagram. It looked flirty and her comment insinuated that they were more than just a trainer/client. They didn’t end up dating, but the damage was already done.
‘My friends have been using her for training and go to the same gym. The day before, I posted a “look how happy we are” photo of the two of us on my Instagram feed. (We weren’t, but no one who posts stuff like that ever is.) Two days later, here he is with another woman.
‘My friends were all outwardly supportive, but it was clear that some ‘frenemies’ were delighted. Especially those who are secretly jealous of the number of followers I have. A bit: “She looks great on Instagram, but clearly doesn’t look that good in real life. Can’t keep a man happy, right?”.
‘There is a happy ending though: I finally got therapy and am a lot happier with myself. The next time I settle down, it will be with a man who is my equal.”
*Some names have been changed.
Don’t know yet what to buy for your partner for Christmas? You can find Tracey’s product ranges exclusively on lovehoney.co.uk.