Why brain damage forced James Graham to write letter to his kids; NRL great reveals alcohol battle

Former footy hard man James Graham has been candid about his battle with grog and the letter he wrote to his kids in case brain damage from 100 concussions he suffered on the pitch left him a shadow of his former self.

The former England international played 187 NRL matches over an eight-year period with Canterbury and St George Illawarra, building a reputation as one of the toughest props in the league.

By the time he retired in 2020 at the age of 34, Graham had played a total of 423 games in the Super League and the NRL.

He believes the more than 18,000 collisions he had while playing left him with “confrontational” mental health issues that had a major impact on his personal life.

Graham (pictured with his family) says he wrote a letter to his children in case he succumbed to dementia and was unable to communicate with them

“In the fall of 2015, I wrote a letter to my children explaining who I was in case I ever had a cognitive decline or succumb to dementia,” he said. the Australian.

“I was worried about who I would become.”

Graham says he has now realized that he was not feeling well while playing football and that he needed help – and he now feels happy that he has come through a very dark period in his life.

‘I had a slight headache. I was now quite concerned about the repeated collisions – and I was consumed with thoughts of protecting my head,’ he explained.

“I actively avoided situations on the pitch that I once loved. I sometimes tried to avoid those big collision moments.

The NRL great (pictured with wife Taryn at the Dally M Awards) admits she struggles with alcoholism after retirement. His fight with the bottle was particularly hard during the lockdown

‘I also started protecting my head off the field. So much so that I was very careful when opening a kitchen cupboard, for example, and not getting my head in the way.’

When Graham closed the door to his highly decorated career, he didn’t close the door to all the demons plaguing him – and the Covid pandemic made things worse.

“My head has gone into some very dark places,” he admitted.

The lockdown in 2021, my first year without footy, caused enormous anxiety and depression. I felt like without the footy cloak, my sanity was being exposed.

“I drank too much to numb all the feelings that came over me, often just to get out of my whirling mind.

Graham sought help for anxiety and says he feels like a new person now. He takes antidepressants, medicinal cannabis and regularly sees a therapist

Graham found his urge to drink so hard to control that he resorted to taking a drug that makes the user feel physically ill when they have alcohol.

When it got too dark, he contacted Dr. Steffan Eriksson of the St George Dragons, who agreed to meet him the next day.

After less than a week, he was prescribed antidepressants and Graham says he feels like a new person now. He also sees a therapist regularly and uses medicinal cannabis to help with his sleep patterns and anxiety.

Graham fears he may have developed CTE – a neurodegenerative disease linked to repeated trauma to the head – as a result of more than 100 concussions he sustained during his playing days

However, he still wonders why he feels this way.

‘All these symptoms; insomnia, mood swings, irritability, alcohol abuse…and my worries about short-term memory loss,” Graham said.

‘Is a concussion to blame? Or was I just susceptible?’