What you should know about your partner when dating: Sex therapist Todd Baratz reveals all

Your childhood, past relationships, and sexual desires are among the top seven things all couples should discuss together and find out about each other.

Todd Baratz, a US Certified Sex Therapist, has revealed exactly what you need to know about your partner if you want to have a successful relationship.

“I rarely use the word should but you should know these things,” she wrote on Instagram.

“Unfortunately, few of us receive any form of relational education, so most of us don’t learn how to have these conversations or feel safe enough to ask or answer questions.”

American sex therapist Todd Baratz (pictured) shared what you need to know about your partner when dating

He encouraged couples to discuss their childhood history, past relationships, sexual fantasies, love preferences, and future plans with each other.

1. Childhood story

Talking about your childhood experiences can help your partner better understand you as a person.

Because family relationships and friendships can affect who you are, it’s important to talk about these early years of development.

“The only relationships that directly parallel each other are the ones we have with our original caretakers and adult partners,” Todd wrote on Instagram.

“The more you know about each other’s history, the better you can understand the triggers and navigate around or through the conflict, the disconnect, and therefore the easier it will be to create a repair.”

Talking with your partner about your childhood and what you experienced can help them better understand you as a person.

2. Relational history

While most prefer not to ask about their partner’s relationship history, it can be a good conversation to have as you can learn what went wrong before.

Todd recommends talking about your social, romantic, and sexual relationships.

“From what worked, what didn’t, and past challenges to lessons learned, knowing one’s relational past is crucial to building a relational future,” she said.

This will not only benefit your partner, but also help yourself to better understand what has gone wrong in the past.

While most prefer not to ask about their partner’s relationship history, it can be a good conversation to have as you can learn what went wrong before. Todd recommends talking about your social, romantic and sexual relationships (file image)

3. Love preferences

In addition to your love language, talk about your love preferences, which focus on actions your partner can take to make you feel loved.

‘Everyone has a variety of different preferences for how they like to give and receive love. And don’t use broad categories as love language,” Todd wrote.

“Explicitly state the words, actions, and experiences you crave that drive your closeness preferences.”

For example, those with the love language ‘acts of service’ may enjoy when their partner brings them a cup of tea or cooks dinner.

Or those whose love language is ‘words of affirmation’ may feel loved when their partner compliments their outfit.

‘Please note that these preferences may change based on context, time of day, and more. This information is what it means to anticipate needs and provide care,” Todd said.

4. Relational challenges

Couples should also know how they best connect and what challenges they often face with each other.

‘Be as open, direct and honest as possible when it comes to your mutual challenges. Go through a list of triggers, frustrations, disappointments, and any other challenges that have come up in the past, present, or future,” Todd said.

‘This is not the time to review the conflict and try to resolve it. It’s about raising awareness, maintaining space, and normalizing challenges that can create conflict.

5. Sexual desires, kinks and eroticism

Couples should also be aware of each other’s sexual desires and kinks to enhance their love life and bond with each other.

Todd said that this conversation can be both a ‘Q&A’ ​​and a ‘show and tell activity’ where one partner gives the other directions.

It’s also vital to note what turns each other on and off.

6. Inner world

Letting your partner know what’s on your mind is also important in any relationship.

Whether you’re processing something that happened at work or thinking about something from the past, talk about it with your partner.

Todd encouraged couples to “get in the habit of inviting each other in” into their minds by “sharing inner thoughts and feelings” frequently.

7. Dreams and future plans

Couples should also discuss their future plans, and it’s something that should be done from day one, Todd says.

‘Share literal dreams when you sleep, share lofty and grand dreams of career success. Share your five, 10, 15 and 20 year plans,’ he said.