Women’s fantasies are having a moment.
Because, a book by Gillian Anderson, with anonymous sexual fantasies of women all over the world, dominates the bestseller lists.
Now, recent research from an erotic audio-erotica website (Bloom) has revealed a fascinating look at the fantasies women want more of – and they’re not rose petals scattered across the bed.
Historically, porn has focused almost exclusively on men. The last decade has seen a dramatic increase in erotica designed to capture the female gaze.
Get ready for more of the below as porn sites adapt their content to appeal to more women.
Having a threesome now consistently tops the list of fantasies for both women and men. Stock image used
THREESOMES
Not long ago, having a threesome – especially one with two women and a man – was a male-only fantasy.
Now it consistently tops the list for women too.
The audio porn survey found that 77 percent of women want to see more threesome fantasies on porn sites.
Eighty-nine percent of those surveyed for Tell Me What You Want (the largest and most comprehensive survey of sexual fantasies by Dr. Justin Lehmiller) said they had fantasized about a threesome.
Those who were in a relationship said it would ideally involve their spouse. Straight men wanted one with two women, while heterosexual women were happy with both sexes.
What’s the appeal?
Threesomes are a heady mix of exhibitionism, voyeurism, bi-curiosity (if it’s the same sex) and a human desire for excess (if one person feels good, more people should feel better).
Novelty and strength are other strong motivators.
Same-sex fantasies have always been more popular among women, but even more so today due to changing attitudes towards sexual taboos.
Threesomes have become normalized as they regularly appear on TV and in films, and there is a growing acceptance of sexual fluidity.
Sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox (pictured) says women these days are fantasizing more about rough sex and domination
Who has them?
Younger women (18-34) are more likely to fantasize about threesomes. Not only are women in this age range more open to experimentation, they also report a higher level of interest in group sex.
Women in long-term relationships are also more likely to fantasize about adding new elements, such as a threesome, to their experiences.
About a third of women in committed relationships fantasize about landing someone else.
WOMEN RECEIVING ORAL SEX
No prizes for figuring out why this one is – and always has been – popular with women.
Most women who have an orgasm during sex with their partner do so through oral stimulation.
A certain scene in Bridgerton also gave oral sex a push in the right direction, but why wouldn’t we want to watch porn that depicts our favorite part of sex?
Fifty-four percent of women surveyed wanted to see more female-oriented oral sex in porn.
What’s the appeal?
The tongue has always been mightier than the penis when it comes to women’s orgasms.
Men having penetrative sex doesn’t turn us on as much in porn as it does in real life. Penis envy is something that men experience, not women.
With the rise of feminist porn, ethical erotica, and platforms that cater specifically to women’s desires, women are now able to consume and create content that reflects the kind of sex that matters most to us.
Fifty-two percent of women surveyed by erotic audio porn website Bloom said they want to see more romance-themed porn available online (stock image)
Who has them?
All ages and stages. The orgasm gap – men orgasm more often than women during heterosexual partnered sex – highlights the need for direct clitoral stimulation for women to experience pleasure.
Oral sex is one of the most effective and popular ways to provide this.
ROMANTIC SEX
Women don’t just want to be turned on, they want to feel cherished and appreciated. One reason why 52 percent of women want more romance-themed porn available online.
Fantasizing about intimacy is the fantasy that most women happily indulge in. It seems more ladylike to say, “My fantasy is making love on a tropical beach at sunset” than “Getting oral sex from the Pope during High Mass while the congregation watches.”
What’s the appeal?
Romantic fantasies are sex with emotional attachment. They usually revolve around tenderness, emotional connection and mutual desire.
This category is the least represented in porn. In an online landscape of male-oriented, impersonal content, finding romance-themed porn provides a much-needed break.
Romantic fantasies typically revolve around tenderness, emotional connection and mutual desire (stock image)
Who has them?
Usually women who are more motivated by love than sex and who are generally sexually conservative.
Even if we can’t do it in reality, most women can separate sex and love in their imagination.
Women who only have romantic fantasies are usually unable to do so.
ROUGH SEX AND DOMINATION
Of all the categories, this is the one that has grown the most in popularity among women. For those who think it’s an indication that women secretly enjoy violent sex, think again. In our fantasies we have complete control over what happens to us. In real life we are not.
These fantasies are largely based on a consensual power dynamic where one partner takes control and the other surrenders in a safe environment.
Fifty-two percent of women on Bloom wanted more rough sex fantasy content; 50 percent wanted erotica with a domination theme.
What’s the appeal?
Domination fantasies are a lot about power: one person has it, the other doesn’t, and we’re attracted to both for different reasons.
When we are stripped of that, we are completely at the mercy of someone else, thus absolving us of responsibility. We are ‘forced’ to enjoy what others do to us.
If you are a people pleaser and usually a giver, this makes it impossible to give back. Delicious! When we are the ones in control, we are given permission to be completely selfish.
While 52 percent of women on Bloom wanted more rough sex fantasy content, 50 percent wanted domination-themed erotica (stock image)
Who has them?
Women on opposite ends of a spectrum.
Women with dominant personalities in their professional or personal lives cast themselves in the submissive role of rough sex or dominance fantasies.
Because they are responsible for so much in their daily lives, the idea of someone else taking the reins is appealing.
Women who feel powerless in real life also enjoy domination fantasies, but as the person in charge.
- Tracey’s podcast, SexTok, is available every Wednesday. Details of this, her blog, books and product ranges (sold through Lovehoney) can be found at traceycox.com.