What my boomer parents’ marriage has taught me about love and why it is a masterclass for a generation sick of being single, writes millennial dating columnist LUCY HOLDEN

We’re in the kitchen in Bath and my parents are putting on their usual comedy double act. By which I mean their marriage.

While the exact details change, it mostly involves food. My dad is the kind of guy who starts thinking about lunch at eleven in the morning – “But we’ve only just had breakfast,” my mom will chirp.

Grown kids rarely get a long, hard look at their parents’ relationship, but like a Covid boomerang that went “home” to the pandemic, I sat ringside for nearly three years.

When I gave up my flat in London at the age of 30, I didn’t think I could learn anything about relationships from my parents. I was a dating columnist, an expert on romantic affairs, and they were the solid, old-fashioned backdrop to my exciting life.

Yet I was surprised to realize that my generation has much to learn from theirs – and every reason to envy them.

I recently flew the nest again for Glasgow, and as I throw myself into a new dating pool, I find myself bringing with me, somewhat like the pans I stole from their kitchen, a new set of relationship rules.

Here’s what my Boomer parents’ marriage taught me about love. . .

Don’t give up when the going gets tough

Millennials like me have smugly assumed that the endless choice offered by modern online dating makes finding the perfect relationship much easier than it was in our parents’ days.

Now I see that it also makes us busier and less willing to solve problems. No one stays around like my parents did, and I wonder if we ever will. But I now know that I would rather give someone a good chance. After all, nothing is perfect.

The meeting with ‘The One’ is a coincidence

The wave of apps has made modern dating go faster and faster, with young people jumping from one connection to another in search of a perfect match.

But the more relationships we have, the less likely we are to settle down. We have no stamina.

My parents met in London in the 1980s through an advertisement my father placed in Time Out magazine. My mother was the fourth woman he met.

“It all comes down to chance,” my dad told me, which scared me because chance feels so dangerous, and that’s part of what drives my generation to swipe and swipe to improve the odds.

Lesson learned: Don’t worry, there’s still time.

It’s the ‘little things’ that really count

Growing up on a diet of Hollywood movies, it’s easy to think that love is all about grand gestures.

But I realized that love is really in the respect you show another, or the way you show that you’re thinking about them. It’s my dad who mows my mom’s allotment, and she buys him fried egg crisps at a fancy wine bar because she knows he’s obsessed with fried eggs.

So when I went back to the house of a guy I was dating and found the place filthy, with no hot water, I realized this didn’t indicate anyone who cared about me.

Conversely, a recent date arrived with a lovely scented candle, noting how many I had in my flat, and I appreciated the gesture.

Great couples are not the clingy type

My father is the type to make a drama out of small problems, and my mother the long-suffering partner who chooses her struggle.

He is an introvert; she likes a big gathering. Do opposites attract – or would Mom be happier with someone more sociable and less contrarian? I realized that the fact that they don’t have each other on hips is one of the reasons their marriage works so well.

I saw that great couples don’t have to do everything together. My parents have many interests in common, but they also exist as separate people who choose to run their lives together — and I now see the value of the space that allows love to thrive in the long run.

Deliver? Serve a lovingly prepared meal

What I also learned is how much domestic supply can mean to someone. My dad is a brilliant cook who always has something ready for dinner, while I’m part of the Deliveroo generation, more used to ordering.

Looking at my father made me yearn to learn how to cook so that one day I would know how to make something great for someone else.

As for weaknesses, my father almost never surprised my mother with flowers or gifts, and I thought I would remember that and do my best if I am ever lucky enough to find a life partner.

My mom’s weakness gets a bit sharp and then emotional after a few glasses of wine – a trait I have too. However, Dad has endless understanding for this.

Indeed, I loved how tolerant they both are of foibles that my grass-is-greener generation might just put an end to.

Laughter is the glue of a relationship

What was especially striking was that our house was a house full of humor.

I started writing down their funniest quotes and reading them aloud at night. They really found this one more hysterical than during the actual conversations.

They spoke like a double game and I often felt as if I was in some sort of rural farce.

And the few things I won’t miss. . .

Some things no one wants to share with their parents. Sneaking back with a successful date was just plain embarrassing.

“I’ll never get used to how quickly young people sleep together,” my mother said. Was I shamed by my own mother?

Even worse was when Dad told me that men are always more interested when women keep them waiting.

No one wants to talk about sex with their father.

My younger brother got married this year and I wondered if my future would include marriage and kids.

I hope modern dating hasn’t ruined me so totally that I don’t stay with anyone for more than six months. But now that my parents have entrenched the idea of ​​what living with someone else can mean, I think I now have a better chance of finding love that lasts.