What it’s like living with the ‘worst secret in the world’: Couple who admit they’re paedophiles insist they don’t offend and say being together saves them from suicide – in dramatic new book by journalist Andrew Gold

A new book about the psychology behind secrecy has delved into the dark world of pedophilia.

The Psychology of Secrets: My Adventures with Murderers, Cults and Influencers, by British YouTuber and podcaster Andrew Gold, covers a range of different behaviors and activities that people have kept hidden, including murder.

Andrew is best known for his YouTube channels On the edgewhich explores cults and extreme beliefs, and Hereticsfeaturing interviews with ‘guests…brave enough to go against conventional wisdom, societal norms, religions and cults’.

Now he has interviewed an even wider range of people for his new book. In a chapter entitled The Worst Secret in the World, the author describes meeting a non-offending pedophile couple who opened up about their desires, their relationship and how they suppress their urge to offend.

The pair are simply called Ruby and Sirius and are themselves described as ‘minor attracted persons’ (MAPs), which is a clinical term to distinguish between those who are attracted to children but do not act on those urges, and those who they do abuse. .

Andrew Gold (photo) is a British YouTuber and podcaster, known for his channels On The Edge and Heretics. He is also the author of a new book called The Psychology of Secrets

25-year-old Ruby, who lives in a small village in northern Germany, says she is ‘shocked’ by her desires, which have led to a ‘sad and lonely existence’.

These desires include an attraction to boys between only one and seven years old.

She is a rare case of a woman in a population made up mainly of men, like her partner, 27-year-old Sirius, whom she met on an online forum for non-abusive pedophiles.

According to the book, which quotes sexologist Michael C. Seto, about one percent of men are pedophiles.

The condition is believed to be much less common in women. However, it is speculated that fewer young men report abuse by older women due to societal stigma.

Speaking to the author, Ruby revealed that she first noticed that ‘something was wrong’ after she became ‘aroused by Japanese anime depicting young boys’, which she used as a substitute for pornography.

Feeling desperate about her preferences, she avoided society and only sought the online company of other MAPs online.

After meeting Sirius, the pair said they fell in love, despite not being attracted to adults.

The Psychology of Secrets (pictured) by Andrew Gold is published by Macmillan and is now available in book form, for Kindles and as an audiobook

They view discussing their sexual desires with each other as a way to prevent suicide.

More graphically, the couple reveal that they have sex every day, taking turns role-playing as babies, which the book describes as a “sickening” but “more palatable alternative to the couple acting out their desires on real children.”

The app that aims to reduce the demand for images and videos of child sexual abuse

Some of the people Andrew Gold interviewed for this chapter have been involved in the development of an app that aims to reduce the demand for images and videos of child sexual abuse.

The Charité Hospital in Berlin, where the Don’t Offend Clinic is located, led the project, in collaboration with “experts from diverse and broad fields, including criminology, public health, developmental, clinical and forensic psychology, software engineering, child protection, and internet safety’.

Director of the Institute for Sexology and Sexual Medicine at Charité Hospital in Berlin, Professor Klaus Beier, and the head of the UK Stop It Now! program, Donald Findlater are among those who worked together to develop the software.

The app Salus, which MAPs can voluntarily install on their devices, uses machine learning to detect and block images and videos of child sexual abuse.

In a statement announcing the app’s release in March 2023, Professor Klaus Beier said: ‘The increasing consumption and dissemination of child sexual exploitation material is a problem of international significance and requires research into user behavior, especially in cases that do not are known to the legal authorities. , which far exceed the number under legal investigation or post-conviction.

‘This has been largely neglected in the past, despite the fact that the potential for prevention is greatest there.

‘With the development of Salus, Protech is therefore also targeting self-motivated and cooperative, potential or real users of child sexual abuse images who want to prevent them from starting or continuing to consume them.’

Donald Findlater, director of the Stop It Now! The UK and Ireland Helpline added: ‘Last year almost 5,000 people contacted our Stop It Now! Helpline in Britain and Ireland concerned about their own sexual thoughts or behavior towards children.

‘They want help to manage this so that children are not harmed and do not commit crime. In addition, our online self-help resources had hundreds of thousands of visitors seeking help managing their own sexual behavior or that of a loved one.

‘Salus would help many people who contact us to stop viewing sexual images of children. This project allows us to support these people and learn how to better tackle the problem of people viewing sexual images of children online. Salus has the prospect of making an important contribution to the global fight against online child sexual abuse.’

In addition, they attend a therapy program at Berlin’s Charité Hospital, the Don’t Offend Clinic, which invites MAPs to attend sessions and talk without being reported to authorities.

Although the initiative is controversial as it continues to keep well-known MAPs free, the clinic believes this is the only way to encourage them to come for therapy.

This, the report says, can then protect children from abuse by helping potential abusers control their urges before acting on them.

Furthermore, the Don’t Offend Clinic aims to eradicate the cognitive biases that result from pedophiles coming together on online forums and convincing each other that sex with children can be consensual.

Andrew interviewed Don’t Offend’s Maximilian von Heyden for the book and asked him how the therapy works and whether attraction to children can be eradicated.

Herr von Heyden replied: ‘No [attendees won’t lose their desire for children] but some of the patients we see have high ethical standards.

‘They come to therapy to improve their lives and try to deal with this better. To be better socially integrated. But they would never abuse a child.”

Discussing the clinic’s findings, Mr von Heyden revealed that approximately four percent of the population is attracted to minors.

That amounts to a significant 1 in 25 people.

He explained that there is a “difference between exclusivity and non-exclusivity.”

“If you’re exclusively a pedophile, you’re probably having a hard time because you can never express your sexual fantasies without committing a crime or hurting someone,” he explained.

‘But if you are non-exclusive, you will be satisfied with sex with a partner in the normal age range. You might get excited when a kid walks around naked, but you’re not obsessed with it.”

He went on to say that while it is “wrong to stigmatize those born with an attraction to children,” “it is clear that abuse cannot be tolerated.”

Believing that research and clinical data support the idea that pedophilia is fixed (this is not a universal belief: the head of the UK’s Stop It Now! programme, Donald Findlater considers it a curable disease), MAPs who attend the clinic are taught about what can increase their risk factor when it comes to abusing children – for example, drinking, being around minors and being stigmatized.

This is because being stigmatized and described as monsters can lead MAPs to online forums, where others justify child abuse, with some even describing it as a ‘victimless crime’.

“That’s very dangerous because it gives those who never intended to offend anyone the freedom to do so without feeling bad about their identity,” Andrew writes in the book.

He also notes that no other secret he has ever heard of has been “darker or heavier than Ruby and Sirius’s.”

However, to the author’s horror, upon researching the chapter, he discovered that there is “pride involved in being a non-abusive pedophile.”

Revealing how he ‘walked around the p-word in their presence’, believing it would offend the couple, but instead found they were ‘desperate to talk about it and their non-offensive stance in their community to spread’, because they believe that open discussion helps them, and can help others, control their urges.

Andrew writes: ‘Their secret has so consumed their lives that there is very little to talk about besides pedophilia.

‘Now that they have the chance to tell an outsider about their secret, they don’t want to stop. To me it’s a bit sick. The preceding hours are enough for a lifetime.’

The Psychology of Secrets: My Adventures with Murderers, Cults and Influencers by Andrew Gold is now available.

Related Post